Two notes
from two people
in three days.
Three pages total.
You've seen so much
these last few days.
One, from the love of your life-
that was the long one-
the one where he said
he loved you,
and he wasn't giving up on you,
but on himself.
The one that told you
of a detailed plan.
The one who woke you up
because your song came on their playlist.
It was **** lucky
that it came on
because he was just a few seconds
from grabbing those pills
and that razor blade
and those keys
popping, slicing, driving to the bridge
and jumping off of the edge.
The second one
from a dear friend.
One of your best friends
who pretty much lives with you now.
They said they left a note
"it's not anything bad."
They were feeling bad beforehand
but it got a lot worse
when they came out to you
and some other friends
telling them to use gender neutral pronouns
and their preferred name
because it felt better.
Some of those "friends"
repeating to them,
"******* deserve to die"
and saying that pedophiles
are no worse than they are.
The love of your life
ended up being fine
and was there for your friend
but he was having issues himself.
He saw, he knew, how much it was hurting him-
so just how much
was it killing you inside
to see this happen
twice
in three days?
Your friend is in the hospital
and the love of your life is at home
where the things he could end himself with
are all locked up.
The love of your life
promised you
he would never try again,
would never leave you,
because he, himself, got scared for your friend
so just how bad
was it, for you?

he thought he saw me naked
because i was devoid of clothing
he stripped me down to skin and bones
but never saw my heart
my dreams, my intentions, my desires
he only saw what he wanted to see.