He entered the bar and waited for the bartender to take his order. She smiled at him and said "what can I get for you sweetie?" He would respond with "I'd like a double 7" the bartender asked "are you having a tough day?" He responded by saying "not at all just like to drink" she smiled at him and he would return the favor. "Thanks for asking" he said then took a drink of his beverage.
He would observe the room and take in the scenery. Then would give all his attention to the bartender. He would start a friendly conversation, "how does a lady like you end up in a dump like this." She wiped the countertop responding " I got a kid and going to school it pays the bills getting me through the struggle aka life." He sat puzzled not sure how to respond, she would ask him, "how are you living?" After another drink he said, "Work, pay bills, and adult stuff."
"Is there special lady in your life?" the bartender asked. "Not really dating right now, after years of being with the wrong women learned to make myself happy." He would extend his hand and introduce himself, "Name it Arnold, some people call me Arnie" she would respond "Hi, my name is kyrie or k."

Jim was over dealing with people who asked his opinion and they wouldn't listen. He was over all the crazy that's why he was disconnected.
He cared he got the cold shoulder. The family would include him bring in on the drama. Jim refused to let them bring him down, so he mind his mouth and business.
After a few bad relationships; he chose to be single. Burned by a few friends it was easier to be alone. He didn't want people in his way, or slowing down.

What is normal?
Parents with bad habits tough love
Siblings growing up opposing another
When things are weird on my end
Be in a healthy relationship for once
Not be with someone controlling
Who tries to change everything
Or fixed to be passed off
Be able to open up and feel safe
Without words being twisted
That's why I write to express emotions
Able to have a voice with feelings
Instead of fighting for a spot to belong
Love family, but words cut deep

Sometimes you take a beating and hide
You don't say anything they kick you when you're down. You don't say anything tolerate so many provoking you.
The day you stand tall, stand up for yourself confront those who are hurting you treating you bad. You enjoy the silence, one less road block obstacle to overcome. You take back your dignity you feel part of your self esteem return.
For years I haven't felt like myself so many judging so many putting down. I don't say much turn my back eventually you feel cornered and strike back. You know your mouth cuts like blades when words come out. You'd punch and swing but heavy handed
you control your hurt and pain. You don't wish it on others the burden makes you see black hard to breathe. You don't want to lose control, gaining it all back; don't want to lose it all again. One moment one second life never the same in a matter of seconds. You stay quiet because if you argue they will. You check them next minute they are playing victim.
Walking away keeping the peace so things stay normal not go crazy. These emotions make the mind hazy.

So back in the days when I was a wild college student. I loved to drink and be very social, according to my coworker who was a high paid secretary said I was a wild child. On my down time when I wasn't being studious my peeps and I would have fun drink and meet girls. I'm over protective of my friends but did be a wing man for my Bros. I had a friend who liked a girl was not too tolerant of her but did down play my ego for my friend. Drinking is fun when people don't hate life or going through a break up feeling sorry for themselves. (Been on both sides) anyway one day the boys and I were drinking with this girl and her friends one was nice dating my friend now that I  recall. and the other was a pain in the *** wanting to be the center of attention. It was easy to block them out alcohol made things fun. Sober me disagrees but what does he know he's a loner. We drank at my friend's apartment a real **** hole but it was better than living in the doors. We would drink jack and coke fun times with the fellas. We got pretty wasted no one ate yet not like we could being struggling college students. This annoying girl decides to say let's get food. Most people don't drink in the morning but this was breakfast of champions. She says "let's get Dennis" everyone puzzled looking at one another *** is this girl talking about. She responds with "you know that place that serves breakfast all day." Ohh.... You mean Denny's sounds good. Let's go....

He gave his all at his new job working at two locations wore on him. One place he felt valued and love the other he didn't feel part of it. Working extra hard with a limited time slot covering the burdens at the very bottom making a difference. Not given credited being used while someone else took the glory.
He just got quiet worked harder.
His boss pretty much made him feel like he didn't belong. He said there was better candidates. Even if he wasn't the one he would give his. He proved himself while more doubters appeared out of no where.
He was frustrated all the inconvenience he was courteous of others while he heard their problems now he's doing their work. He would see their work and stuck with way more.

I'm one to help a friend when I need a friend no one is to be found
I use to talk but now I'm mute
Spoke good and said positive things to others
While others hate me and fake liking me
From friend to foe the bond between us is no more
I had your back while you stabbed mine
I fought to be your friendship got denied
Sorry to give up on you, now I must walk stay away
Some days I have lots to share and tell but no one to listen
Other days I observe and watch with not much to say
Thinking of what if and what could've compared to how the reality turned out
From being with a crew to alone cant deny the truth

Sometimes you look for redos and think how you could've done it right. You'd like to change go back to that moment but you don't belong there you grow. Eventually you feel like you've out grown everything nothing feels right or makes sense. Grasping that moment then it fades loses all value. People come and go like the seasons everyone changes some for the better others just settle. You work to invest in a dream it makes sense to you while others think you're crazy. Pursing a dream leaving others behind you are not the same but others will never see you different. They remember from the past and assume they know your future. You went the distance alone while you start back at the beginning after many mistakes. It's hard starting over stuck in a bubble sometimes you want to be part of the world other times you hide in your bubble. You don't know your place or where you belong once you find yourself and figure out where you belong. Many years of trying to fit in working with what thrown in my direction another time consumer another detour once it ran out stuck asking what's next.

Letting it go because holding onto things consumes you becomes a distraction that ends up being a waste of time. So many toxic people that's why it's easier to role solo. Keeping secrets for others too bad they are quick to spill mine making gossip. Never talked about them but they are quick to point out others flaws, no one is talking about them. So they cause drama to feel relevant to feed their insecurities.
Able to rest relax sad how you can't be honest with people they'll destroy you and think they did you a favor. If you spoke up they get insulted play the victim debate why their actions are justified when clearly it's all BS. They won't listen to others and expect others to hear them out. They'll get the same treatment on how they treat others.
It's such a downer and drains everyone involved. Everyone is hurt no one wins what's the point of all this everyone is worse off instead of better. You forgive them and moved on. While they are stuck still holding that burden trying to use it against you.

A lead playing a side kick
Behind the scenes hustling
While credit is being stolen
A villain in their story
The hero trying to survive
Do what's right stand tall
A moral code as a shield
Works hard in silence
Loud once the victory is achieved
Thriving on a new level
Striving to become a better
Not settling for average
From nothing to something
Much more than before

Said sorry never forgiven
Gave you space and prayed
You'd forgive me I made a mistake
Didn't know it would be the last time
The last time we'd see one another
Heard about your death on the news
A horrible bus accident that took many
You had many things going on
I was happy for you wishing you the best
A good friend I will remember in my heart
Thought of reaching out regretting not trying
Change was hard letting go adapting
Sometimes your mind wants it one way
Had a vision with a different outcome

Things are not what they appear to be
Sometimes you give others the benefit of the doubt
They prove you wrong also mess with your sense of judgement
In other people's story you are not always made out to be the bad guy
Friends to your face once you turn your back they slaunder your character to others
The only flaw there is the person, they are trying to impress; turn out they find the bad boy rep more attractive.
Most conversations were straight up to the face while the phonies pretended to be someone they weren't

Why did he feel or at that way he was either uptight or free spirit. He just wanted to be free of judgement but found not everyone is going to like him.
Hearing from an old friend wondering what does it mean is she going to visit. He had feelings but valued her as a friend over his ****** urges that would prolly ruin a good friendship. They got along better a relationship might ruin things between them.
He was confused in a relationship everyone seemed interested while single no one cared or gave him the time of day.
He lay in his bed hung over trying to figure out which path to take on the crossroads that made him decide what he wanted to do.

On my day off I wake up to work
but don't have to free for the day
So I lay in bed stare at the ceiling
Thinking deep in thought taking in the vibe
Focused on good things are not bad
Time to reflect and write it all down
Focus on my passion and things I love
Asking what my personal life needs
what needs to be done make time for it
Nice to relax after being in my head
Determined to finish get it done
Ready to be phyiscal give it all
but relaxing have some fun it's past due
Put on music enjoy the sounds
that take me away escape the work routine
Beats that remind me of my youth
A better time that made sense things changed
Can't stay the same forever most adjust and adapt

It was a dark errie night made for a scare
The tension built up for a fright
The wickness consuming the fresh air
Trees blocking moon light setting the mood
Holding the darkness squeezing the living out
Creatures singing a song waking for the night
Setting the creepy vibe 12 hours for the dead
Avoiding the sun because it's too bright
The cold night better than the hot days
The fog full of moisture keeping it wet

Crossing paths with the people
Who betray your trust
Doing your own thing
Called them out in the past
Now playing the victim
Gave them my back
Avoiding eye contact
So the knife can be removed
Heart is else where going hard
Mind focused on opportunities
Soul free from toxic and lazy haters

From trying to be a team player to handling business and going home
Over all the gym politics some people had help where he had to work to pay for his classes
Work took him away from practicing what he loved.
His so called team gave him crap lots of time conflict and restrictions
Trying to enjoy himself excluded by those arrogant practitioner.
Feared another injury trying to get better feeling like a tackling dummy
Trying to perfect the technique use what was learned apply what's being taught
Wanting to work and compete but it felt like an off season. Learning it'd out there you have to seek it no one will get you there you have to want it.

Some is always mad because you're living. Most of all offended for having an opinion. Hater upset because are breathing prefer to be alone than caught up in the hype. Not phased by the drama don't care to be involved. Doing your own thing instead of listening to all the gossip. Won't be influenced by the passive aggressive that choose to be selective about showing interest in you and your life.

He told the truth why was it talking smack. Keeping to himself doing ehat was right. The internal struggle being prejudged no one knew him. All these assumptions feeling attacked made out to be the bad guy. That person that wants to argue and fight. He wrote while they come at him. Expecting him to over react make a fuss.
Being disrespected called ignorant because he didn't feed into it. Be someone else he wanted out they made him feel bad. Throw up the stomach acid eating him up. He didn't do anything wrong took the criticism but was over it. He had the words thank you peace out in mind and kept a distance.
Over all these false narrative was not able to speak or have a voice. That's why he wrote he got his feelings hurt and felt gutted like a fish.

Getting older I stopped caring about material possessions after having an insecure gf wanting expensive designer clothes to make up for a lack of personality. Trying to be a man and provide times have changed. I'm trying to keep up falling behind time to turn the page.
Always growing hard to fit in anywhere. A place to call home a place to call my own. Working hard in an underachiever job to keep from overthinking. Seen you as my friend but too much drama I prefer to stay out of it all.

He loved his kiddos but didn't get along with their parents. All they do is talk about everyone. No one asks or cares what they think but they run their mouth. Fading away from all the forced interaction don't care to associate anymore.
All the disrespect trying to talk about your life they know nothing about with false narratives that they project. Fading away no longer connected but they'll try to blame you. When they started the drama not part of them or one of them anymore learned to be okay with that.
Being talked over and false assumptions is not the way to treat anyone. Not listening so they try to turn everyone against you. It did hurt at the beginning now immune to all the crazy. They do their own thing you respect it but once you do your own thing they impose not interested and don't care anymore. Had to find more positive people to grow and be myself arounf.

Vick was ready to BBQ, once he got his liver transplant. He wanted to eat and celebrate with everyone that supported and believed in him.
Show them love back because he never felt worthy. The right people loved and accepted him. He gave it to God feeling blessed.
Always fighting to exist to be heard. It was hard growing up, always grateful and thankful. He spoke up made a face, waiting for a reaction. Someone was always mad or easily offend.
He wasn't sensitive that tough skin made him grow. Be able to eat good food without worrying his liver would fail or die watching what he consumed. He wanted to be normal tired of being the outcast, the outsider looking in.

Most people treasure moments a favorite on that soothes my heart and takes me away. Most date but my first one was special. I asked her out I was surprised she said yes. He warm smile that melted my heart. Her hair curly like curly fries.
I was nervous for the day I bought new clothes kept it fresh. We went out for her birthday to celebrate her. I was honored to share the night with her.
I'd walk to her dorm this was a magical moment in college. We'd walk to the restaurant holding hands talking. I was a gentlemen man so I walked by the street. We would arrive at this restaurant. I didn't make reservations so we sat at the bar; we enjoyed a meal shared a kiss.
We walked back home stopped at a coffee shop. I don't like coffee so I had had hot chocolate. Watched the Live band till our drinks were ready
We'd go back to her room nervous and shy never been alone with a girl before. We'd kiss and lay on her bed then she'd hug me rest her head on my shoulder. We'd talk till she fell a sleep. I'd tuck her in let her rest. Kiss her and Appreciate this night with her everything felt right for once.

Why is it when you speak up and call people on their shadiness they make it personal. They call you sparky and aggressive for speaking up. I'm usually straight forward and honest with no hidden agenda.
While these people lie and **** up to people who bad mouth them. It's easier to walk away than get involved with people that are not in my department. It's easier to be anti establishment than let them waste your time trying to make you into their product then quick to pass you off.
I respect people I don't care for labels or certificates have to feel important. It's all about how you treat people. Treat your people right and they'll back you up
If you dump on their efforts and hard work they'll just do their job go home. Antisocial with no real connection due to false promise

Back at it again holding pads
Went fishing doing all the things
I said had my life on hold due to health
Work was an escape to be distracted
Taking in the scenery the world intriguing
Smiled because things happen
Did what others said couldn't be done
Being extra and do more is rewarding
Strong in faith no time for hate
Trying to see and do it surp of the moment
Sometimes it better than imagine
Other times it's a work in progress
Before money was a limiting issue
Now time is a factor learning to manage better
Finding balance for everythingin life Neglecting things that matter saving up
Making things seem important
Getting less in return feeling cheated
You can change but some remain the same