I go through the day,
Putting forth a happy display,
Living out my life
Like it were just another picture
To be made and played
By fervent, cheering crowds:
Only it’s my own reality
That I am not allowed

Tears and tequila sloshing in her stomach
She’s a turbulent maelstrom, violently
Pulling and pushing people in and out
Of her suffocating grasp

The ocean calls out to her, whispering
“We are one of the same;"
Tugging and strumming the strings of her heart
As they wail to the violins

Shattered glass and swirling gales
Lure her to moon white sands
Her body moves unconsciously,
Gliding smoothly toward the tides

The waves crash at her feet and
She is salt water -- the teasing temptress,
Singing siren, luring men to certain death,
Spitting limp bodies back to shore like seaweed

Foggy eyes drip brine into the ocean
Essence fading with each step forward
Shallow waters embrace and murmur
“Welcome home,” her last moments
Preserved in the crashing sea foam

Little girl with wide blue eyes
Dreams as boundless as the skies
Surrounded by dust and dead ends
Waltzing in a land of make pretend

Freckled, fervent and coy
Twirling past the neighbor boys
When she moves, she slips away
Lost in a smile and a happy place

Left to wander the desert dry
Alone and forgotten no matter what she tries
Looking for affection in an empty well
Fading echoes of forgotten church bells

With her reveries she swiftly dropped
A leap of faith and the whole world stopped
Warm blood and dampened grass,
A mangled foot and a binding cast

In dark days she prayed for help
Wanting to step and perform
Not ready to give up her last chance
To take the stage by way of dance

Ten years later, she's swaying
and twice as stunning as before
Sculpted cheekbones and brooding eyes
Grabbing audiences by surprise

She's reborn a star of the movies,
With a new name and tiny waist
Pretty young flapper with a striking face
The little girl has finally found her place

Darling, dearest,
Come out of the dark,
And into my heart
The sun has set,
The crowds are gone,
No longer I ought to pretend
That you’re only just a friend

Cameras flashing in rapid succession
She’s reunited with the lights,
Descending from heavens above
She throws herself to the wolves
Wrestling crowds and wrist cuffs,
Drowning in the spotlight
As she’d always dreamed

I found God
In the gaze of my lover
As we lay still on the water
In the stupor of fear

I found God
When I fled alone to discover
I was trapped with no other
Until he appeared

I found God
In my haggard reflection,
Torn dress by the ocean
Wondering if I was in the clear

I found God
Watching lost men die free,
Succumbing to clarity
Thinking my time was near

I found God
When I lost all hope
My heart was breaking on the waves
And I didn't know how to steer

I found God
In a longing embrace
Finally feeling in my place
Knowing our time was now and here

I used to get anxiety over androgyny
Because it’s the grey from which I run
But darling, as I find myself,
Two opposites make one.