I should’ve seen it from the start:

You showed me who you are,,
through your cruel ignorance
ur lighthearted indifference
you introduced me to you,,
when you laughed at my tears
and belittled my fears
you told me hello,,
On the summer days you kept letting me go
I am saying goodbye,,
to this person I never truly knew,
you don’t care that I’m broken &
that it’s b/c of you

I hope that when you make a list of all of your favourite things, I’m somewhere on the top of your list.

The first time my world stopped,
Was the first time I saw you.
Moments only last so long,
And soon you'll be gone too.

I'll live hours while the world's stopped,
For this moment not to be taken away.
And before we end up six feet under,
I will live like I'm going to die each day.

i want to delete all the memories
just like i did with all our pictures
i want to forget our history
and act like we're strangers
i don't want to miss you anymore
i want to get over you and close the door
i know you're not missing me
i know this is how it's meant to be

If I seem broken on the inside,
It was him. Not you,


(C)[email protected] 23/10/2019

i’ve taught myself
to be silent when
i shouldn’t,
and now i’m not
when i should,

there i go,
obliviously, relentlessly
and uncontrollably making
my voice worthless and worth less.

I keep envisioning things you could have said
Ways you could make me blush
Ways you could’ve made me wear red
But instead, all I have from you
Are words that aren’t even there
just
echoes of memories from when you used to care

I keep envisioning us
And I’m blaming you
For making me have this dream
But its not ur fault
it is mine, for putting words in your mouth
And hoping they were true
You kept saying “ella you’re special”
And i kept believing  so were you

I keep envisioning a world where
You thought my smile was a sparkle
Where you laughed at my eyes
Because they glistened like the lake in summertime
Where you told me you loved me
And It was true
Where words meant something
And I did too.


I keep envisioning these things
I have these dreams in my head
It is your fault
I know you’ll never love me at all
And i’m angry for the words
You let me believe
But how can i be angry
When I know that the true believer in love
Was me?


I will always have a tiny corner in my heart for you
I saved it, engraved your name in it, its true
Your name will spark a special heartbeat
That even eyes can’t read
But
My name will only just be words to you
Words you never knew
Lyrics you never heard the song to
Meaningless words

Is that all I am to you