A free verse poem by me!*

Some nights I can't sleep,
My mind is consumed,
With the thought of how,
Much easier it would be,
If you were my side.

For you,
The one who put me in this state,
Is not here,
By my side,
Though I wish you were.

For you,
Are the cause,
Of my sleepless nights,
My restless nights,
My dreamless nights.

I am lying here,
Awake in my bed,
The covers pulled up to my chin,
Curled into,
A ball.

Lying here,
Wanting,
Waiting,
Wishing,
Needing.

You.

I feel so alone
In the big, big world
The true me will be shown
I need to let go and face the real world

I have to let go
I have to sort things out
Everything is moving so slow
I have to get out

I have to swim to the surface
This feeling is like drowning
But I have to resurface
Everyone around me is breathing

I can see them
Drawing in breath
I'm not one of them, not a gem
I can't breathe like they can, this is like death

I'm suffocating
In my sorrow
I'm suffering
Dreading living tomorrow

I'm not suicidal
Though sometimes I wish I was
But this is survival
I will live life with no clause

I am all alone
No one understands the way I feel
You say you do, but no, I am alone
You don't understand, my walls are like steel

I am lonely
yet I am afraid
I am the one and only
Don't try coming to my aid

Youwon't anyways
You don'tcare
Your sympathy won't help Anyways
When you became my friend you should've been aware

Of the burden that comes with me
I cry and I scream
Just like a banshee
My tears are a constant stream

I'm suffering
I feel like I'm dying
I'm drowning
I feel helpless

Why do you continue?
Why are you Reading my misery?
Go ahead contribute
I will soon be history

Why are you reading?
You don't care anyways.
Why are you pleading?
It won't help anyways

So let go
Live your life
Go on thrive and grow
You don't need me in your life

Besides
I'm just a lonely girl
Sitting on one of the sides
Of your screen, I'm no pearl

Just a ugly freak
Who is alone
Just a depressed geek
Who is alone

So Go on
Live your life
Fulfill your dreams which you have drawn
This is the way I feel this is my way of life

Deal with it
Just Like I had to
For 12 years I have put up with this ****
I'm sorry If this offended you

I still love you all
You have a place in my heart
The old me is not here at all
My name is Mattie I have been torn apart

This is all
Goodbye my friends
I love you all
Stay strong my friends

The room is empty,
The air is still,
Nothing but me,
My contempt.

It's cold,
Smooth,
Sharp,
Uncontrolled.

I turn the killer,
Over in my hands,
I turn the breaker,
The thriller.

I wrap my fingers,
Over the handle,
Open,
It lingers.

Fair skin,
No marks,
No scars,
This what would've been.

Press,
Glide,
Cut,
Regrets.

Drip drop,
Red,
Blood,
No stop.

Pain,
Mental,
Physical,
No gain.

Sharp breaths,
Gasps for air,
Bad thoughts,
Deaths.

Back to reality,
Realization,
Wounds now scars to come,
No morality.

The blade,
Not the killer,
The one who holds it
The killer betrayed.

Just one,
A single burning cut,
All this hurt,
What have I done?