you almost make me
hate you more
than I hate myself.

— how you push my buttons // a.

1.) you are loved
2.) i’m sorry
3.) goodnight
4.) please don’t hate me
5.) i missed you today
6.) i’ll see you tomorrow
7.) i wish i could’ve learned to love you
8.) do you hate me?
9.) how can i fix this?
10.) we’re definitely going to see that
11.) do you miss me?
12.) go away
13.) i love you...(not sent)
14.) you don’t.
15.) how can you say that?
16.) it’s all in your head
17.) i swear i’ll do it
18.) i wish we could go back to the beginning
19.) how young we were then
20.) please come back

— take a picture, it’ll last longer (you didn’t) // a.

i am not a poet for you,
for the words i write come from
the deepest parts of me
spilling out like a river,
a never ending stream of
words falling grasping and drowning
i am not a poet for you,
these words do not sing for you,
you do not get to hold and touch
and squish and shape them to your desires
i am not a poet for you,
my words and pain belong to me, they are mine

— i am not a poet for anyone but myself // a.

if time could stand still,
the rain would feel cool upon my skin,
the weight of the pain would lessen,
and my breath would no longer hurt

if time could stand still
my would be adventures would start
with nothing holding me back
and the risks I shielded away would set me free


if time could stand still,
I would live with my mistakes,
my past would not define me
and the pain could lessen

— if time could stand still I’d let my grief consume me whole // a.

You are touch starved
hunger pained,
steel-toed mess
of sun kissed hair and
poison kissed lips
you are my everything and
nothing


— for I love all these parts of you that others do not see // a.

I guess you thought we were forever,
but you were temporary
sorry I’m a *****.


— I’ll say sorry forever but I won’t mean it, unlike you // a.

I used to sit around and wonder:
where did I lose myself?
where did I go?  


Now I look in the
mirror and realize,
I was never really there in the first place.

— the mirror keeps staring back at me // a.