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38 · Jun 19
by definition
no sane person sits alone
hours at a time
writing their innermost thoughts;
writers are by definition—
insane.
hell, we pay others
(the psychiatrists and therapists)
to listen to our innermost thoughts
and even they can't handle
more than an hour at a time.
but those that handle it
(by definition—insane)
those, we call readers.
while the common soul,
surrounded by their kind,
lives purely in experience—
processes, moves on, forgets.
(by definition—sane)
the writers and the readers,
both insane,
are the minority amongst the masses.
such insanity,
(beautiful, creative, artistic, unique)
of such rarity,
stands out more
precisely as it contrasts
with the sanity
of such commonality.
should the insanity
become the norm
then would the sanity
be praised
immortalized
sought
desired
should the machines liberate us
for the pursuits of all arts
then we could say
(in the most trivial of ways)
no sane person sits with others
hours at a time
enjoying the present moment
they would be by definition—
insane.
2025, Liminality
38 · Jun 19
Revelatory research
you scroll on tiktok while taking a ****
I write poetry
and scroll too
and read
productive as fluids leave
and art and boredom creep in
the answer to the age old question
of why men spend so long in the bathroom
most men don't know what to do
and I pretend too
as our assess speak to one another
via our sewage connection system
the farts whisper softly
"no matter how much you try to forget"
"you are this stinking imperfect body"
2025, Liminality
38 · Jun 15
where is the line
where is the line    between    greatness    and    humanity

I watch my uncle's hands                                trembling
as he tries to button his shirt

                    thirty years of surgery
                                                     now undone by time

the precision that saved           hundreds
                                                     betrayed by his own flesh

                    (in the mirror
                                        his eyes                     still steady
                                                                                  still searching)

greatness lives                                            in the space
                                                                            between
what his hands                     can no longer do
                    and how they                        reach for me                still
2025, Lost Lounge Massacre
38 · Jun 13
Life Is A Movie
Life is a movie
A novel of dramas & pleasures.
It’s the action surrounding
the whispers of those non-returning
A veil that covers everything,
The waking of those still suffering

There is no time for everything
Neither for anything
The movie continues without stopping
With the illusion you can be playing it

We are the bubble that emerges from the sea
Trying to float above
The sea is the everything, above is the vacuum
And the bubble falls again
When we are going to die
But there is nothing to fear
We are just returning
Without losing nothing
To the beginning.
2019, Convolutions: Poems & Paintings
38 · Jun 15
[ workplace ]
workplace
chat shows
everyone
pretending
keyboards
make the
same noise
as thinking
2024 (AI)
38 · Jun 19
turmoils
brace brace
but this is not a plane
but my mind
and this place can be quite
unforgiving
as the doctor explains
if it's gonna be surgery or chemo
but even he's not sure
so there will be a conference
and more doctors will look at my case
and I feel a sort of race against time
and I wonder what my face is looking like
but I brace, I brace
two more weeks
on top of the other three
following the months from surgery
it's a chase for certainty
and I can't keep the pace
so I brace, brace
distract myself in cyberspace
as a catgirl, playing horror games
with friends, looking for just a little
grace.
2025, Liminality
38 · Jun 19
Aftertaste
The little foam of my beer
ever so gently sizzles.
Its softness reminds me
of skins I used to brush
ever so slightly
with the tips
of my fingers
on past nights.

Not even this
amber bitter beauty
can dare rival your
own bitter moans,
as I remembered
they'd be over
before we even
got it on.

It was never really
the same;
both that first sip,
and that first kiss.
It doesn't matter.
all that was given
was fully received.
The aftertaste lingers,
then fades away.
Otherwise it wouldn't be
the same.
2025, Liminality
38 · Jun 14
Dating
We meet for the first time
in a public place, just in case
Are you nervous, or are you jaded
Hard to tell from your face
Am I your first in a long time
or just one more you barely fit
in your busy never ending life
I take you to my spot
the owner smiles, another one
good for business this lonely bloke
you might think it's a special place
but honey you're the tenth here yet
I wish this could work so we could start
the real discovering out there
together, rather than me
getting stuck on repeat
They say you need a spark
So you can start a tinder
And ignite the flame
That'll keep you warm forever
Maybe we got it wrong
Since we're starting with tinder
And getting burned instead.
After so many burns,
Either you avoid any light
At the slightest feeling of warmth
Or become numb to the heat
Until you already smell the smoke
The time comes to say goodbye
Such a gentle thing, so fragile
So too then must the lie
That there is hope, that we try
To give it a chance
Since we're decent people
We don't reject outright
The fall must be gentle
Just in case you're a ******
Just in case, goodbye
2021
we all carry weights
thinking we'll be strong
and better off
for it
if we identify with something
at least we won't be
nothing
and alone
even if that something
has no business
being
and for all the causes and
effects
of modernity
and the mechanistic approach
the mind continues to be
the heavyweight
champion
we can't choose
deep down
yet we can choose to choose
as long as there's
no doubt
2025, Liminality
must have aged decades
being in that theater of war
with all those other kids
searching for individual pixels
before the pixels
shot you
and the supplies were never enough
and the garrisons were overrun
and nobody coordinated on the mike
and the commander was too slow
and nobody threw the smokes right
and they were flanking us, ******
I must have aged decades
being in that war
long gone
were the days
of calm playing
and repetitive tasks
this now was a dynamic ask
long gone were my reflexes
long gone were my wits
all there was now to it
was the raw experience
but a trivial approximation
of the real
that allowed me to feel
what others before allowed me
to comfortably see
through the television screen
they were the long gone
2025, Liminality
37 · Jun 19
What ifs
there is a timeline
in which I'm a father
to a six year old
in this timeline
my grandmother doesn't annoy me
with grief and sorrow
every time we videocall

there is a timeline
in which you did not break my heart
several times
in front and behind the back
with the secrets spilled
in your message chats

there is a timeline
where we never met
where your smile did not infect
me so badly, and the promise
didn't flower fully
and I never got lost biking back
from your cul-de-sac

there is a timeline
in which I never came here
escaping recession fears
with a promise of opportunity
as the prime minister
gently invited us
to gently leave the country

there is a timeline
where I stayed in Spain
rooted, secured, in my domain
confident, arrogant, insane
at least, slightly more than now
an art in the simplicity
of someone who couldn't comprehend
when each branch was splitting
and a new reality
came.
2025, Liminality
37 · Jun 19
Porcelain thrones
I could pity the rich
Just as much as I would envy
But the poor were always ahead in my mind
Not in a glamorous way
But in the raw intensity of their experience
And no matter how much money
You threw at things or experiences
Nothing could beat the
Exasperation
and
Desperation
of panic
When you have no other choices
And then there was me
Seeing both through different
Groups of friends
Drifting like a **** who won't fit in the right pipe
No matter how much you try to flush it
In the end we all need the toilet
Even if one is shiny
While the rest fall apart
2025, Liminality
tired tired so tired
of the stupidity, the hot takes
the hasty generalizations
the inane comments
the terminally online people
pretending they're not
terminally online
it was never misinformation
it was the willingness
to believe what is easy
to build the great bubble
and hate, hate, hate flows
it's popular, its engaging
it drives the economy
a hate-social complex
a hate economy
grievanceism
the long term problems
replaced by short term
annoyances
a bombing run
of broken mirrors
a stampede of black cats
giant skyscrapping ladders
shading us below
from the sun
take, take, all taking
as much as possible
as fast as possible
accumulate
intake
store the fat
in the body, the mind
the rivers of late
Christmas shopping,
of fate, revolving, turning
numbers churning
alone, alone, so alone
happily full
surrounded by the things
that were once people
that deep down are things
made of people
it's not as I want it,
everyone else must be wrong
i’ll withdraw from the world
and prove them all
how strong I am
and the silence is so loud
my ears bleed
and a hedgehog's dilemma
and a quiet plea
everybody else can see it
but me
four bees with broken wings
and a dream of spring
2025, Liminality
37 · Jun 15
All of us
'''
we are all b̷̨͎͌o̵͚̊r̴͇̆e̷d̨͠
we are all
searching for the algorithm of flesh

I watch my thoughts
(they taste like stale beer)
while the universe keeps
its digital spam folder
full of prayers

everything is corrupted data
even the w̸̝̎ō̶͜r̵͎̈́m̷͚̐s̸͇̃
even the way light f̵͔̂ä̴́͜l̷̝̔l̶͎̒s̷͓̈́
through smog-filtered consciousness

the women. the men. the parking lots.
all of us
running expired versions of god.exe

and still
the young girls in supermarkets
price-check their dreams
while I stand here
d̸͎̒ë̵́͜l̷̝̔ë̵́͜t̷͚̐i̵͚̊n̷͚̐g̷͇̃ myself
'''
2025, Lost Lounge Massacre
I catch myself
impatient with the world
as the world was impatient
with me
when I was young
and slow and clueless
nothing is ever obvious
to everyone all at once
time is limited, I understand
the logical imperative
of impatience
but I don't understand
the meanness of
it
2025, Liminality
37 · Jun 19
21st Century Howling
I watched the brightest minds of my generation dissolve into
validation loops, dragging refresh buttons
through dawn's pale glow, seeking
algorithmic benediction,

who burned their retinas with blue light ascension
counting hearts and shares and follows
until their dopamine receptors grew
numb as novocaine dreams,

who built shrines to their own faces
in megapixel temples, genuflecting
before ring lights and sponsored content,
praying to the god of engagement metrics,

angel-headed influencers burning their youth
into content streams, fifteen seconds
at a time, until their memories arrived
pre-filtered, pre-hashtagged, pre-mourned,

who fed their consciousness into recommendation
engines until Netflix knew their desires
better than their lovers, better than
their therapists, better than their own
trembling hands at 3 AM,

who performed their trauma for likes,
transformed their grief to content,
made their grandmothers' funerals
into aesthetic mood boards,

who measured their worth in followers,
their grief in comments, their love
in shared passwords to streaming services,
their rebellion in carefully curated
photos of corporate-approved dissent,

who dreamed of going viral while their bodies
went numb, who mistook their data
for their soul, who sold their attention
span for the chance to be seen,

who searched for authenticity through
sixteen layers of filters, who confused
their explore page for exploration,
who became content instead of contained,

whose minds became infinite scrolls
of everyone else's performance of living
while their own moments slipped away
unrecorded, unloved, unliked, unfollowed,
until they themselves became
the ghosts in their own machines.
2025, Lost Lounge Massacre
37 · Jun 15
[ social feed ]
social feed
refreshes
like slot
machines
teaching us
to hope
luck knows
where to
look
2024 (AI)
37 · Jun 14
Small act
"A small act is worth a million thoughts"
A small thought can save you a million acts
Think carefully about what you do, so you can do what was only thought before
Did you think it was enough to say a platitude and speak it?
A catchy saying is worth a million *****
Once it falls behind the curtain of your present thoughts
Oh you'll photograph it and share it
Maybe even put it on your wall
Desperately trying to keep it relevant
So you don't forget how it once made you rock inside
A small gesture is worth a million praises
A small signal is worth a million imaginary reputation points
Are you gonna be left behind the race everyone else insists you join?
Will you let these amateurs overtake you in karma score?
"A small act is worth a million thoughts"
Enjoy your acts then, you *****
2021
37 · Jun 19
post-op vibes
the phantom pain hits me
and I remembered when I did
long roadtrips across Europe
in each separate roadtrip
there was always a cost to Tachi
(the blue tesla purchased with pokemon cards)
it was a flat tire
or a scratch in the paint
or hitting the curb and bending the bumper
or a crack in the windshield
or the rims slowly grinding down
as I tried to park
there is always a cost
to traveling
and to get where I was going next
I had surgery and left something behind
not quite as paint
but deeper than that
and now the phantom pain
reminds me
I have more to go
and still a lot
to leave behind
2025, Liminality
36 · Jun 15
[ my dad's ]
my dad's
old chair
sits empty
while I
still catch
myself
saving
stories
he'll never
ask to
hear
2024 (AI)
36 · Jun 13
Splinter
A splinter in the mind,
awake, and asleep,
when death is being shy.
A crack in the perception,
changing the momentum
of my life.
Sadness and words
mix so well, it hurts
the thoughts themselves
at times.
Life is being shy itself;
another splinter opens the mind.
I welcome the guest,
and show him the rest
of the house, unconfined.
2019, Convolutions: Poems & Paintings
36 · Jun 19
telemotivation
whenever I was feeling a bit too
content
comfortable
cocky
I took great pleasure in watching some of my favorite war stories
Saving Private Ryan
Band of Brothers
Apocalypse Now
Gladiator
Black Hawk Down
Generation ****
Full Metal Jacket
Come and See
and others
and if I was particularly up in the sky
I'd watch more like
V for Vendetta
Lord of the Rings
Gravity
Alien
Elysium
Rogue One
Interstellar
Jurassic Park
and The Walking Dead
and soak in all that individual suffering
and drive for survival
and quickly fall down to earth
but somehow also be energized
for the plight of the stories
was not as bad as my own
and I was not as strong as they were
yet even if just a little of that strength
rubbed off on me
inspired me
transversed the air between the screen
and my eyes
through some still unknown
knowledge osmosis process
I could make it
even if everyone else around
wouldn't
2025, Liminality
36 · Jun 15
Paper cuts
funny how
memories
fade but
paper cuts
from old
letters
still feel
fresh
after
years
2024 (AI)
36 · Jun 19
re-frame
Once upon a time in Lund
The kids party
But now I'm the creep
That is okay
We all had our time
To shine
Now I can afford to Be soft
While I wait for them To join me
In this paradise
Of inner peace
2025, Liminality
36 · Jun 15
[ dinner ]
dinner
for one
again
tastes like
freedom
I still
have to
convince
myself
I wanted
2024 (AI)
36 · Jun 15
[ seven ]
seven
missed calls
from mom
sitting in
my phone
like tiny
universes
of guilt
expanding
2024 (AI)
36 · Jun 13
Remember
I remember that I remembered
something now long gone,
in my tired sleepy mind,
on the long bus back home.

Why does the action linger,
but not the contents?
Why only faint echoes,
shadows and projections?

I remember words, sentences,
pages full of dreams and beauty
inside my head.
Will they return someday?
It is not for me to say.
2019, Convolutions: Poems & Paintings
anxiety, my
mistress, my
muse
never enough for
panic
always there like
static
the buzz around the
brain
the biting of all the
nails

yes, I have done more
from this anxiety
than most people do
in their whole life, but
it was forced, not natural
like driving with the handbrake on
pedal to the metal
in this crash course
until the car unalives
and there's only a ghost
2025, Liminality
36 · Jun 15
Chin up!
concrete holds heat
like memory holds pain
     slowly
          releasing

the night sky empties itself
of stars
     of promises
          of whatever came before

we stand in shadows
counting heartbeats
     between sirens
          between breaths
               between endings

chin up folks!
not everybody gets to see the end of the world
     (the city holds its breath)
          (the shadows lean closer)
               (we remain anyway)

concrete holds heat
like memory holds hope
     slowly
          releasing
               everything
                    except
                         this moment

we stand in shadows
counting heartbeats
     until dawn
2025, Lost Lounge Massacre
36 · Jun 15
[ here— ]
here—
take this
moment
I have
plenty
stored away
in places
where
winning
stopped
mattering
years ago
2024 (AI)
36 · Jun 19
Automated scan
Hippocampus activation observed during
memory formation (Smith et al., 2023)
u up? been thinking bout that summer
when we mapped constellations on ur roof

Dopamine receptor density increases
with repeated stimulus exposure
miss u like crazy rn ngl
brain literally won't shut up about u

Amygdala shows heightened response
to emotional memory retrieval
message deleted
message deleted
message deleted
i still have ur hoodie
2025, Lost Lounge Massacre
36 · Jun 19
Toxoplasming
The perfect hate
Fed by the perfect bait
Constantly
Relentlessly
You can't resist the Lure
The boiling inside
Itself feeding your Rage
Until, energized, you Take
Onto the keyboard
Like a true warrior
Except
In this war
The only casualty
Is your agency
2025, Liminality
I have become the project
manager and employee
concept, marketing, sales
a mini-venture of possibility

ambition, the endless staircase
results over process
the calling a distant beep
explosions ringing deep

if only the most beautiful birds
were allowed to sing
all the forests would be silent
and free

the culture of self-exploitation
the elevator-looking cage
intention-stripped, pressing buttons
looking to save face

achievement, the new obedience
better taxes and productivity
flaunting success to rise above
the mold, the introspection sold.
2025, Liminality
35 · Jun 15
[ courage shows ]
courage shows
up late
wearing all
the wrong
clothes but
somehow still
gets invited
inside
2024 (AI)
35 · Jun 16
Vorskaya
They found it in the space between
laughter and grief
joy and shame
darkness and dawn

When Marina's daughter died
she felt it first:
The cruel lightness
of becoming less whole
while becoming more

Not sadness
not acceptance
but vorskaya:

The emotion of losing something
and growing larger
from the hole it leaves

Like water expanding
as it freezes
like stars birthed
from collapse

Now children learn it in school:
"vorskaya (n.) - the sensation
of becoming infinite
through loss"

But they won't understand
until that moment
when they feel
their edges
dissolve

Into the space between
being and unbeing
where Marina's daughter
still dances
in the dark
2025, Lost Lounge Massacre
35 · Jun 13
Romantic
Things are only worthwhile,
meaningful, valuable,
if there was any hardship behind them.
But hardship isn't romantic
when you are struggling through it,
in the present moment,
in the rat race torment.
It's only romantic if you succeed
and can afford to look back,
in peace,
in comfort.
Yet all those failed dreams,
all those lost what ifs,
their struggle was real.
Romantic or not, I will
remember them too
and so should you.
2019, Convolutions: Poems & Paintings
35 · Jun 16
toxic positivity
the violence of positivity
according to the lost manuscripts of dr. smileworth
(Cambridge Journal of Theoretical Joy, unpublished)
breeds parasitic enlightenment in the skullspace

positrollity violates the nerveends with brightdark
while godmind splices occur in the megatext of
consciousness, all happicruel and smoothsharp
like glass angels drinking mercury for breakfast

the ancient Greeks had no word for
the color of enforced celebration
(see Professor Void's "Taxonomy of Artificial Bliss")
but they knew how smiles could bloodlet

every yes contains infinite micronos
fragmenting into pestilent denial states
while the universe expands into terminal ecstasy
until the violence circles back to positivity
2025, Lost Lounge Massacre
35 · Jun 15
[ hope waits ]
hope waits
in empty
rooms like
light that
hasn't found
its shadow
to prove
it exists
2024 (AI)
35 · Jun 19
The news
Oh to drive that road again
slowly back home,
after that (ful)filling sob
at the parking of the clinic,
when God said no.

Myself, but different;
everything else the same.
Just slower,
like the wrong setting was on,
and nothing could be done.

And she carries the plastic bag,
and he rides the scooter,
they can't wait to cross the street,
others can't wait to leave it,
but the bus isn't there yet,
just me.
2025, Liminality
35 · Jun 16
good days (?)
optimism left a voicemail
I deleted it without listening
(spam calls are getting creative
with their happiness scams)

don't let a good day distract you
from the failure you've become
the mirror keeps trying to sugar coat it
but I fired it for incompetence

my potential and I play hide and seek
I'm winning by never showing up
while mediocrity sends me
weekly employee of the month awards

tried therapy but my defense mechanisms
filed for union representation
now my emotional baggage has tenure
and better benefits than I do

happiness knocked on my door
I told it I was dead
(technically only on the inside
but semantics are for winners)

my rock bottom has a basement
with a fully stocked bar
and a framed certificate that reads
"congratulations on the consistent disappointment"
2025, Lost Lounge Massacre
35 · Jun 19
creativity
hey quick question
did anyone else's childhood come with receipts
because I think mine was factory defective
(but like, in a quirky way)

remember when we used to eat crayons
not me specifically, that's a generalized you
I was too busy trying to teach physics
to my imaginary friend's pet rock

the creative adult is the child who survived
which explains why I keep finding glitter
in really concerning places
like my tax returns and emotional baggage

turns out
trauma is just spicy nostalgia
and imagination is what happens
when your brain does parkour

anyway here's me
turning my childhood drawings into prophecies
because apparently
that's what we do now

ps: my therapist says I'm healing
pps: just kidding, I don't have a therapist
ppps: that's what the pet rock was for
(it had a doctorate in psychology, obviously)
2025, Lost Lounge Massacre
34 · Jun 13
Gain
I could stand to gain
from a bit more humility,
a bit more uncertainty;
To feel small next to the fjord;
To orbit the Earth from above,
rocking back and forth
as I am pulled back home.
To question my beliefs
once more,
no matter how long
they served me before.
Building new models in my mind
of what's possible, what's outside;
No longer afraid of being wrong, of failure;
instead afraid of that righteous allure,
the blind conviction,
the unquestionable truth,
that thirsts for blood of heretics
and seeks vengeance to soothe.
2019, Convolutions: Poems & Paintings
34 · Jun 13
Past
A message from the past,
from the early days of the blast.
Hello dear machine!
Organic or not, how's it been?
I am organic, you see,
briefly **** Sapiens,
though many more I've been for sure.
I am very fragile
in the grand scheme of things,
my dreams are too big
for what I was carved to be.

I am a walking contradiction:
Programmed to be curious
and learn more,
but programmed to ignore
I am programmed at all.
An overall useful immersion mechanism,
which limits myself to a lower role.
It is difficult to fully grasp
my emergent nature
to see the parts
that make me whole.
2019, Convolutions: Poems & Paintings
34 · Jun 15
Those necessary ashes
and there you stand in your childhood room where posters peel like old dreams falling and mama's voice still echoes up the stairs boy come down to dinner but you can't come down anymore because the walls are closing in with memories that scratch like vinyl records spinning backwards and the air is thick with what-could-have-beens and supposed-to-bes and every mirror shows a face you're supposed to wear but can't recognize anymore and the pressure builds and builds and builds like feedback through blown speakers until your bones start humming with the need to RUN

TO BREAK
TO SCREAM
TO FLY

because these streets these familiar streets these suffocating streets that taught you how to walk are now teaching you how to SPRINT and every mile marker becomes a battle cry becomes a thunder roll becomes an earthquake beneath your feet because you can't become a butterfly inside the cocoon that tried to make you into something else something smaller something safer something DEAD and now

THE HORIZON CALLS
THE ROAD SCREAMS
THE FUTURE BURNS

until there's nothing left but ashes of who you used to be and from those ashes from those beautiful terrible necessary ashes you finally finally FINALLY begin to rise
2025, Lost Lounge Massacre
And the cancer may have spread
And World War 3 is trending on twitter
as long-range missiles from America
are allowed to hit Russia further ahead
and the chemo will be booked
or the RPLNDee
(Retroperitoneal lymph node dissection)
which has a nice round 5-10% chance
of preventing ******* forever
and Left 4 Dead was what nailed
Half-Life Episode three
this calls for a celebration
and it's not so much the *******
that I wanted
but to feel that weight on top
as we both embrace
and feel
and after the kisses
and my hand caressing the goosebumps on her thighs
and her squeezing and moaning
and the release
there is of course a brief lingering peace
and we talk until the time is up
and then the time is up
and I leave
and the rain starts
and then a pink blue sunset on the Öresund bridge
but not before I passed by Gasoline Grill
with some fries, please
2025, Liminality
34 · Jun 15
Odontology Transcended
my dentist believes in qi now

she used to drill teeth like a woman
possessed by the grind,
BMW in the parking lot
gleaming like processed cheese.

now she burns sage in the waiting room
while reading about
the fundamental interconnectedness
of dental plaque and the universe.
"your cavities," she says,
"are quantum phenomena."

i watch her wave crystals
over my open mouth
while discussing the metaphysical properties
of floss.
somewhere in the multiverse
there's probably a version of her
still believing in Novocain.

she traded her tennis club membership
for a meditation cushion,
and now tells me
that pain is just
the universe experiencing itself
through the medium of my rotting molars.

funny how mid-life crisis hits:
some people buy sports cars,
mine watches YouTube videos about
chakras and dental meridians
at 3 AM,
seeking enlightenment
one tooth at a time.
2025, Lost Lounge Massacre
let us speak of truth which is to say let us speak of lies
because truth is the story we tell ourselves in mirrors
     while adjusting the light to hide our scars
          while painting over the cracks
               while pretending we were always this way

and here's the punchline about history we reconstruct
the past like children building sandcastles knowing
the tide will come knowing the walls will fall knowing
we'll just build them again tomorrow differently because
that's what survival looks like

we say this is how it happened which means
     this is how we need it to have happened
          this is how we can bear it to have happened
               this is how we sleep at night

let us speak of patterns which is to say let us speak
of the lies we tell about lies because every story
needs a beginning middle end except nothing
ever begins or ends it just shifts like sand
     while we draw lines in it
          while we plant our flags
               while we proclaim our temporary kingdoms

and here's the diagnosis history is the scar tissue
of time healing exactly the way we convince ourselves
it should have healed all along yes exactly like that
     exactly like we planned it
          exactly like we meant it
               exactly like we needed it to be
2025, Lost Lounge Massacre
33 · Jun 19
dissociating
The superficial
Versus the intent
To cruise comfortably
Or feel the dents
To float above
Or dig deep
To be detached
Or love to see
To skip some parts
Or intently be
To quickly scan
Or needlessly focus
For all that there is
There is more if you want
And the want can be wanted
Deep down as a seed
2025, Liminality
33 · Jun 19
Sunken costs
I had been a citizen for three years
and after the millions spent on me
in welfare and expensive medical machines
it felt like they were more desperate
than me
"no he can't die yet"
"we have to fix him"
"he owes us more than forty five years"
"of labor and taxes"
maybe the economy will crumble
maybe they'll name a recession after me
and curiously
now I feel I owe them something
though I'm not sure what
a billion of half-me's already frozen
for ten years in the clinic
ought to have them covered
in case all those CT scans, MRIs, and chemo
don't quite cut it
2025, Liminality
33 · Jun 13
Reaction
Love:
a chemical reaction compelling me to breed,
leaving no room for me to plead
for mercy.

It creeps in
unsuspected;
I become infected
within.

The expectations increase.
I yield, to appease
my brain, for peace.
Though I hope for it to cease.

The spark, excited,
which had even ignited
the hopes, will soon fade,
afraid, delayed, betrayed.
2019, Convolutions: Poems & Paintings
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