i just wanna change the world
but
the world wants to change me too
i just wanna find something good
but
the good doesn't want to be seen
i just wanna scream into the void
but
the void screams back at me instead
i just wanna let go of these people
but
these people won't let go of me
i just wanna lie next you
but
who knows the next time you will lie
i just wannawannawanna
but
the wanna doesn't want me

if i was more

i'd be worth it
but i'm not
and that's why you don't care
don't say thats not true
because if i was enough
i wouldn't have to force you to open the door
i wouldn't have to beg you to move the last inch
after i covered the mile
i wouldn't pray to have a chance
if i was more

i wouldn't need to ask for chances
you'd throw them at me
unconditionally
i wish i could be more

but i'm not
and that's why you won't love me

you know they say love is blind
all your red flags up on display
with thousands of views
you ****** with my head
now i feel so alone and used

you said you wanted me
you lied through your teeth
you said you wanted me
that you would never leave
and now i'm left here so ******* confused

look at all my insecurities
now on display for the world to see
you made me feel useless
left to clean up this mess
once again

you said you wanted me
you lied through your **** teeth
you said you wanted me
that you would never leave
look at me sitting here struggling to breathe

i told you how i felt
you still show no remorse or guilt
still no response
no spontaneous admission of love
that i wish your heart felt
look at me picking up my pieces once again
the distance ruined what could have been




red flags that were somehow not seen
when you said you wanted me
when you promised to never leave
you lied through your **** teeth
and you know it

trusted you with with my insecurities
thought we were sharing vulnerability
now as i struggle to breathe
it's out in the open for all to see
and you condone it

yes
you control it
if you feel guilty
you don't show it
facade never cracks
not for a moment

yes
i should've known it
with most of these feelings
i've outgrown them
nonetheless i'm here
but i don't wanna own it

i told you how i felt
still no response, still no guilt, no remorse
no attempts at reaching out from your end

no spontaneous admission of love
look at me picking up my pieces once again
the distance ruined what could have been

please help me see
what is wrong with me
putting my under all this pressure
believing it will make me better
drowning in expectations and lists
stuck on the deadlines i've missed
my attempts are almost funny
i keep trying to help everybody

staring knowing i'm useless
running through options
maybe if i check one more time
reality might have changed

but you're bleeding profusely
and i can't find a way to stop it
always shooting for another try
in a losing game

watching feeling like a sad excuse
if i can't save you
what can i do

waiting hoping good things will come
soon enough
before you succumb

just want you to be happy
willing to sacrifice these objects
and give you the care i can
but objects are few yet needed

if you would have me
with my intentions and regrets
and help me understand
why you're so ceded

not trying to poke
or defile your throne
only wish to know

you remind me
of all the good things
i am usually to distracted to see


and i just wanna give you the same thing

if you can't love me
let me die
if you can't trust me
let me lie
keep your requests
save your goodbyes
if you can't love me
just let me die

it's always something
you always find
a problem with me
and you're always right
it's all on me
to make it right
if you can't forgive me
i might as well die

said it about
a hundred times
a hundred more
to say i tried
when you dont love me
don't you lie
be man enough
to watch me die

they say you deserve love
even if you've experienced trauma
and react in horrid ways because of it
i'm sorry that it's hard to believe anyone would love me
after all that i've been through
and even now that's still how i feel
i will never be someone's favorite person
or first choice
or second
or third
unless i've got something to give
i'm a last resort
don't tell me that's not true
because you do it too
don't tell me to feel better
and think it'll work just because you said so
your words mean so much
and so little at the same time

in a pickle
in a jam
in an unlucky moment
i've found myself
and i don't quite know what to do
i wish i knew
how much you cared
so i could relax
or never come back

wanna keep things sweet
when you turned them sour
promise to play fair
then abuse your power
it was all fun and games
till your feelings got hurt
that's when all of sudden
this dynamic couldn't work

i soak in your waters like a tea bag
hoping to gain something
but i only lose my essence
and get thrown away
in the end

half an insult
partial praise
called on throughout the night
ignored during the day
how am i enough
but never enough
quick to love me down
even faster to shut me up
you hold me close
and whisper into my ear
you make me feel wanted
when no one is near
but when you see then coming
you hide me from the others
stranger in the street
understanding under the covers

wound up
prim and taut
pulling strings
don't get caught