I awoke this morning before the dawn.
You were gone.
You forgot to turn the coffee-maker on.
Ai.

r ~ 4/30/14

the proof is in the pudding*
                                    irony is in the jello
                                              just eat it all

"You're my favorite mess."
I'm sorry about the coffee stain swallowing your button down.
And don't give me some ******* about how it actually looks better that way.
There will always be my lipstick stain on the edge of the wine glasses.
I've never been so brave until I licked a tequila bottle dry and told you I loved you.
I do love you.
I love you in the same special way a ****** agrees to kiss you on the mouth.
And she means it.
Sometimes I don't write you because I'm too busy wondering if you're staring at the same moon through a different window.
Lord knows, I love to keep you guessing.
Torturing you with too much imagination, I'm an *******.
So I scream into thunderstorms so nobody ever has to hear me suffer, especially you, because you think I'm better than that.
I'm here, tripping over any subtle difference on my path
And you are there, walking a straight line,
accepting.
I'm a spilled beer being mopped up by an old t-shirt.
"You're my favorite mess
I could never bring myself to clean you up"

You love me, even though I've never heard you say it.
And knowing that, my ***** soul ignites, becomes rigid, and forever remains uncompromising.

let it not be confused
let no one else's name
ring throughout these sentences
let this be a hatchet
let me put this to rest
this is not a test
i don't want to think
about shipwrecks anymore
i am tired of folding apologies
into origami birds
and placing them
at the headstones to your tantrums
this is not is not geology class
these are promises
written on razorblades
      & if you are getting choked up
        then maybe you should be
maybe we should be buried
with our telescopes face down
my mouth is full of sorry
all for being honest
we are falling out of orbit
we are burning bystanders
so cast away your callous condolences
because no one is clapping
in this waist deep water
this is not a baptism
so do not tell strangers
that this was a chance to drown
any differently
i am not a catalogue
of constellations you cannot name
this is not mythology
so stop believing your horoscope
i am not a wishing well
i am just a wall for you
to paint post nuclear fallout & antonyms for catharsis on
we destroy the things
that are not ours-
the wanton ways
we embody wrecking *****
and then cry over the rubble
this is not a heap or a mosaic
this is leaping
off a thousand story building
with no one to catch you
at the bottom & maybe
that's why some quiet moments
are so fragile, maybe that's why butterflies have mimicry
your words are black powder
and poetry is your musketry
i guess that makes me your blindfold

I could write a poem about myself.
I could write a poem.
I could write.
I could.
I.

r ~ 4/28/14