I remember the first.
she was my standing ovation,
she held me throughout thick and thin.
but I wasn't the only one she held.

and oh, the second.
the second is you.
you with your selfish remarks and idiocy,
you with your hate and irony.
you never cared
but I thought you were my friend.

the third.
probably the hardest.
the third was her;
my light,
my dark,
my everything.
she's my everything.
she will always be my everything.
she lead me and filled me with hops,
but that hope was burned when she spoke.

you three are the reasons I'm me
you three were the reasons I lived

but you're all gone now,
and what am I to do?

I guess I'll just say goodbye,

because I know that's what you all want to hear.

you don't like my words
but you preach yours.

your words are full of frightful hate,
and childish ignorance.

your veins are black just like your distraught style.
and your heart is cold,
just like your fate.

you may think I'm harsh,
you may think I'm incorrect,

but my opinion will still say the same,
just like your indecencies

your words wore silver;
but your gaze was golden.

you kept promises;
you held on.

you fed me your words
and I read them with glee.

I held onto them and gave myself to them.

I let you feed on me
as if I was your treasured prey.

I guess I wasn't that spectacular though.

something changed.
you stopped spoiling me with your words;
and for days I was worthless.

then you came back.
you continued with your lead passion;
with the words you knew I loved.

but those days I was merciless had already torn apart your silver;
they stole your gold with selfish regard and broken palms.

you were cold; merciless.
it was as if I had done something;
   as if I held on too tight and made you run

and oh did you run far

I guess I should have known
it wasn't going to last
it never does

maybe I should have left sooner;
played hard to get.

but it's hard when you're always watching.

I miss the feel of your lips against mine;
and their taste which was oh so devine.
I miss the redness on my cheeks and the purple on my neck that reminded me of you.
I miss the hands that I held and the words that you spoke;
although they can never be replaced.
not a single man nor woman could show me what you did; treat me how you did.
even though in the end it was all lies
you still mean the world to me

the nights that you were here were different.
they weren't full of passion, or romance of our own,
they didn't consist of hands being held or vows being spoken,
they held fantasy and recreation.
a realm to our world;
a land we insisted on staying in.
we used our bodies to portray a new being;
a new story; new regrets.
we never loved each other,
we just loved the thought of the others creativity.
now you're forced into a new reality
and we're here waiting for your return.