Everytime you walk away,
You bring the warmth with you.
Don't you know I'm anemic?
Do you feel the cold too?
It seems untrue,
That you love me the way I do you.

propped symmetrical between the silence of pastel walls
my aching heart selected today
to violently sob about things that I cannot change
that's when I whispered, "I love you."
to a pillowcase that didn't listen

I gazed at you
delicately existing
under glowing street lights
I wished we could dance

I heard my heart break today
It happened when I saw her face
With your mouth puckered across a blush stained cheek
The air froze as did I
I was foolish to think you could ever be mine
The blonde hairs that have been threaded through my dreams
Suddenly became cobwebs of a love I'll never be

I found myself growing backwards.
I was sunflowers before I was a seed.
I have allowed myself to be hurt the way I did to you
Now, I know I really did love you.
It took a whole year of abusive relationships and manipulation for me to learn what love is.

Love is the way you would sit next to me in silence when I was anxious
And not yell at me the way he did.

Love is the day you told me I was beautiful and meant it
When he just used it as an excuse to touch me.

Love is the times you drove me home when I was too sad to move
While he pretended I did not exist.

Love is the feeling I got while holding your fingers in mine
They had the warmth his lacked

Love is all the times I got scared and pushed you away
Because I knew he wasn't going to stay

Love is the hours I spent in your car talking about the universe
While he told me that I was not smart

Love is your smile and the way your eyes crack
Not suffocating with his hands pressed against my neck

Love is when you asked me if it was what I wanted
And he didn't listen when I said, "stop".

Love is when you told me you loved me
and I didn't believe it

being alive
is one of the strangest things that's ever happened to me
outside of myself
I found that I am nothing but a fractal of being
and a fragment of thought