why does it all feel so pointless yet when i try to end it somehow i always end up looking into my cat's eyes.

im so sorry i couldn't keep my promise
and i never took you to see space
a broken lever came out of me
spilled all of my secrets on the grass
in front of your house
im glad you closed your windows this time
i know how scary my screams are
and i know
i am never going to see you
so i close my eyes and think of you
oh what a pathetic thing of me to do
for old times sake i promise
ill stay and we'll talk till morning
but after that im leaving
i am leaving u for good
with this sad trail of blood behind me

it never felt like the end
it feels unfinished don't you think?
you could have been my best friend

i always thought you would talk to me again
it feels wrong
all of this

and yet
every time you ignore me
i ******* love it


and it ******* excites me

making you want to stay and keep talking to me has me chewing on my tongue, filling my mouth with blood.
that is what you taste like, this is what fear tastes like.
i need you to stay.
ask me for my name goddamit.
ask me for something, anything i beg you.
there is so much blood inside my mouth





im scared you are going to see it soon.

it is like a fistful of barbed wire
to pull myself out of lava

Life as misery
Death as release
      Silence