I can look him
In the eye and whisper
"I love you"

There ain't never been an ego like yours
And sometimes it's due to fear or raisin'
But I can't blame your mama for this one
It ain't your daddy's fault either
This time it's definitely you
But that's all water under the broken bridge now
I won't ever stop believin' in these dreams that you chase
Because maybe one day you'll see
All your anger and angst
Was silly but necessary
Because it got you here today
Everyone believes in somethin'
Be it a religion, Fate, luck, or a person
And of all people, hunny, you need
A lot a believin'
Ain't nobody ever thought you'd fail in life
Mostly 'cause you scare the hell
Out of us all
But I ain't scared no more
Because I know you
And I know it's just an act
So come on home and we can set
All quarrels aside
And darlin',
Bless your soul

And I realized
he is the sun
but so am I
We just shine differently

I'm bubbly and elated
Filled to the brim with
Oogaboogalia
And frothing over with
Eeeeeek
I'm practically five
Bing **** Bing ****
I'm in a rocket ship shaped
Roller coaster that only goes up
This time I am genuinely
Happy
Believe me

I'm a broken mess
Piece me together
I'm taken out of context
Piece me together
I need compassion to breathe
Piece me together
I need a hand to see
Piece me together
I'm sloppy and I'm unwhole
Piece me together
I'm jaded and I am unsold
Piece me together
I can't comprehend half the **** people do
Piece me together
I can't understand the thought of living without you
Piece me together
I'm begging for you to
Piece me together
But you're the one who
Broke me
Piece me together

thump
thump
thump
My head on your chest
Your hand on my breast
A soft hum and stir
Vibrating in my ears
Rising from an internal cavity
A gentle up and down
Motion of your stomach
Reminds me you're asleep
Which reminds me,
I wanted to tell you something:
I love the way you can always
ALWAYS
Find something worth laughing about
I love the way your voice itself
Is poetry
I love the way you get stressed out
But still make time to
Listen to my woes
I love the way you tell me
Everything will be okay
Everything will be right
I love the way you remind me
We'll see each other soon
I love the way you refuse to see
Any of my negative qualities
And even if you do you see the
Silver lining
I love the way you swing your racket
And how your cheeks puff up
When concentrated
I love the way your blue eyes
Are so full of hope
And wonder
I love the way you say my name
When you tell me goodnight
Goodmorning
And that you love me
I love the little spirals you
Get yourself into
Because I know you trust me
Speaking of which
I love the way you trust me
Like a child trusts their parents
I love the way you talk about getting married
I even love the way your pants
Get just a *little too tight sometimes
But to sum up everything
Into one small, impactful sentence:
I love you
That's what I think
As I hear your heartbeat
Can I know how you feel, too?

You sick twisted foolish
Man child that can hardly have emotion
You may haunt my mind
But you can't be he cause I ice my heart
You're a lost boy
With no place to call home
The past is a memory
A ghost
But because of you
It's a banshee
I can't live much longer in this state
Because everywhere I go
You follow me there
Just because your father
Is an abusive piece of work
Doesn't mean you have to be
Maybe you don't realize
What it is you do to girls like me
Girls like Mo
Girls like Em
All us mentally unstable due to rough situations
But you put us through hell
And never just once
I loved you
Past tense
Maybe present
Possibly future if you were to change
But you destroyed my entire being
Girls like us need build me ups
Not abuse me down
Maybe you don't recognize this form of abuse
Because it isn't the kind your father exhibited
But it hurts just as much
If not more
Abuse is still abuse
You told me time after time
You'd do anything to not be your father
But here you are on this abusive path
You asked me once if
When we were married
I'd let you shoot your gun in the house
And you begged me to say no
But I told you
If you aim that gun at me
Or my kids I'll ******* leave
Because no way in hell would
I put with that nonsense
Yet here I still am
Standing by while you
Unknowingly abuse me

Bailey and Mathew
And Stephanie then Jack
Melissa
Aerrow and Anna
Olivia and Stasi
Isabel and Evan
You all care
You all ask
You all check
I'm sorry I scare you
I'm having a bad down
I mean it
A major downer
Worse than any acid trip could provide
I'm not slitting
And I don't intend to
I think I'm done with that
I think I'm clean
I'm sorry I cause you to worry
I'm sorry I'm that friend
But thats how it is
I'm in the midst of a relapse
But I'll find my footing
Once September ends
Hopefully before
But we never know
I'm sorry to make
All y'all's concerned

Angry full of fear
Hiding in a shell composed of
Bitchitude and ****-yous
Just so afraid that love could never exist

Still fearful but not threatened
More self cognizant
Grown and shapen
Molded into **** well told you sos

Wrist slashing
Head bashing
Shot downing
Second hand high hounding

Poetry slamming
Novel pounding
Music writing
Run sighting

Broken mess
Seventeen hundredth choice
Self hating
******* in the making

Confident
Stitched together
High held chin
Knowledge of worth

My oh my
Have I come a long way
From just six months ago
Even if I didn't start changing
Until just three weeks ago

Your silence screams everything I didn't say, but should have

I'm not very religious
But if learned anything from
The youth group I attend
It is to speak life over death
And I think we could all
Always use a dose of encouragement
So I only have a few words
To share with all who
Are willing to listen or willing to change:
No amount of hatred
Is the only acceptable amount of hatred
The only amount of love
Acceptable in this world is infinite
When you witness a soul struggling
Help
You can't just pass them by
And expect positive results
When you see an easygoing person
Ask them if there is anything
You can do to help keep spirits high
When you are at your lowest low
Ask for help
Because we are just human
We can't carry the weight of the world
On our own
Otherwise there'd be no such thing as friends
Step out of your comfort zone
You just might be surprised
The things about yourself
You could find
Just by overlooking death and instead
Speaking life

Add a poem to my heart
Something that will leave me
Different,
Maybe better,
Than I had been before
Add a poem to my mind
Something that will make me
Dream and strive
To not ruin my life
Add a poem that will
Add to my soul
My being
My way of living
****** add a poem
That has some meaning

Don't play Russian roulette with a full chamber

On my side of the bed
Is a broken picture frame
From when I got a little too drunk
And you ****** me off
A CD and brand new journal
With a pack of unused pens
Waiting for inspiration
There are articles about the storm
That stole you from me
The sheets are torn and tangled
From many sleepless nights
The lamp with a broken shade
You said had character
And an unopened roll of Smarties
Because maybe
If I can make them pants you'll come back
But worst of all are the jars and jars
Of pennies hiding under the bedframe
For every kiss I wish I could give

You swear up and down
Happiness is false
And hope is nonexistent
But I don't think you've yet realized
What is right across your face
They walked into the room
And we all felt a shift in your mood
They didn't even notice you
But a glance was enough for a pause in pretending
You act badass and moody
But this isn't some movie
Where you can hide in a corner
And fall in love and be fallen in love with
And even if that happens
I guarantee it won't bring you together
So straighten up
Go and talk to them because there's always a shot
Tell me though
I am taking this too far
Or was that a smile I saw?

5AM Wake Up grab the workout clothes, ***, drink water
505AM Meditate inhale...2...3...exhale...2...3...repeat
520AM Run like you've never run before like you're getting away from him
540AM Shower the colder the better inhale...4...5...exhale...4...5...
6AM Breakfast gotta eat something anorexia won't fix anything
615AM Read inhale...6...7...exhale...6...7...repeat
625AM Leave it's only school you like school
730AM School just a few hours of bliss inhale...8...9...exhale...8...9...
230PM Homework 20 minutes a subject, a day minimum
3PM Snack remember to drink more water don't throw it up
430PM Run run harder remember to breathe
5PM Shower it's okay to be a little warm tears can fall here
630PM Dinner you know the time shifts eat up
7PM America's Favorite Hour work your mind give your heart a pause
8PM Bedtime ***, brush teeth, more water
10PM Fall asleep the insomnia is hard *the depression is worse

It's finally here
My favorite month of the year
The leaves,
The scent,
The love,
The warmth,
The cold,
All of it swaddles me like a baby blanket
It's glorious
The truth comes out
On the final night
Throughout the month
Celebrations galore
October, October
It means so much more
Than given credit for

Crazily, I fell heels over head for your
Unique state of mind, without knowing I'd
Never be able to cease loving you
T*o the ends of this hate filled world

Kinda works for me
I feel better about myself
Actually
It's so weird
I feel good enough to do anything
I really appreciate
The art of being single
I have more self respect
Since he broke it off
I don't have to live
For two people now
I only must
Please myself

I couldn't breathe
I couldn't think
But I could feel
And that is the most power
I will ever know

All the **** time
These mosquitos buzz profusely
Around my throbbing ears
Begging for attention
And O the attention they so crave
Is gifted by the swat of my hand
The turn of my attention
These ****** mosquitos try to
Imbue my mind with mindless thoughts
Thoughts about superficiality
About insignificance
About the lies of the world
These ****** mosquitos permeate
My skin with their razor blades
Mixing blood types
I am always asked
If I am allergic to these parasitic creatures
That favor feeding off of individuality
And every single time
I reply
Telling them everyone
Is allergic to being infused
With blood that isn't supposed to run
Through their own veins by birthright
But no one understands
These small ******* creatures
Destroy even as just one
And an entire race of them
Destroys and entire race
Of individuality

Body splashing
Heart pounding
Throat gurgling
Mind sputtering
.
.
.
*But it will be okay, eventually

I am told
And I want to believe
You are everywhere
And you are everything
But lately
As I have been losing sanity
I've lost sight of you
Where are you now?
Isn't there beauty in the thought
Of madness
Rushing in a bubbly river
Boiling over the banks
Of my mind
There's a certain peace
That comes with the concept
Of going bonkers
But Poetry, I can't find you
It's driving me up a hall
And down a wall
Twisting and turning
Every time I think I found you again
The door slams on my pinky
And my eyes flood with crazy
In losing my mind
And I need you to find me
Because
****** Poetry,
Where did you go?

Cranking out poem after poem
I have too many emotions
That need to spilled
And will only be satisfied
In the form of poetry
It's like a broken up rant
That I can't stop
And I'm still going

I couldn't fully love anyone
Because I'd never loved myself

First
You put on your best face
Because you are unprepared
To bear any flaws
That appear in your
Outer
Self, where you are sewn together
With a thin loosing thread
That once it breaks
Will reveal things
Inner
Because you've gained
Some form of confidence
Through compassion
And you know you shouldn't
But you expect it to
Last*
So the final goodbye hurts
Far more than it would've
Had you not gotten involved
To begin with

The human heart has the loudest language imaginable
It's entirely universal
Yet also frighteningly individualistic
There's nothing that sounds worse
Than a heartbreak
It's messy and silent
With forced screams and (un)shed wails
It sounds like a body hitting the ground
After diving off the Empire State Building
It feels like death
And in some ways it is
Heart aches remind us we're living
With faint pangs of memories
After the heart break
It's the aftershock of a human made earthquake
It rocks your world
And brings tears to the eyes
Sometimes it's worse than a heartbreak
Because it's the resurfacing
Redamaging
Of those memories and that pain
Heart yearns are so natural
And caused by something
Simple as a crush
And complex as real as true
Earnest and genuine love
There's nothing more pure
Than a heart yearn
It's hope and light
Dashed with brilliancy and fear
Because there is nothing more exhilarating
Than the unknown endeavors of a heart

I am drowning in the humdrum of everyday life
Wishing I could be sitting with you on the edge of Italy
Looking out at the Adriatic Sea
But alas, I am here, paying for the life you left behind
And you are there soaking in rays and drinking red wine
I wish you hadn't left me for there
The least you could have done was paid for the airfare
I think that these bills distract me from the real problem at hand
If I really loved you, wouldn't I have left this land
This land of mundane life and of great exhaust
For something more extraordinary, something less taut
But then I remember that we weren't meant to be at all
Simply because we couldn't any longer stall
Now I remember why I said no to becoming your wife

You woo no one
With your lies
Except for everyone
Who wants to believe
Silly girls like me
But your lies become venom in my mind
And I take a step back
To spit up the poison
Then I realize that
A boy who lies is a boy who hides
I just want to help you
Find your soul again
That was buried deep when
You were unnecessarily glorified
For using you God given charm
It shouldn't have corrupted you so much
But I know that underneath
Your gilded exterior
And hard coal middle
There is a beautiful diamond soul
And a very prominent v

It seems to me to be
A pointless exercise
And a waste of energy
Trying to pretend I'm you
And never be me
It's too much work
So I respectfully decline
Thank you however,
For the sardonic invite

A white man on his ivory horse
Knock, knock, knocks on your doorstep
He is a gentleman, but his patience is short
Without permission he'll walk in to take your breath
He means no harm, for he is not rude
It's only an occupational hazard
He won't judge you for your past as
Your soul hugs his waist atop his equine companion
Who carries you,
Draped carefully in clean yet dirtied rags,
And him,
Elegant in armor but soaked in sadness,
Around you glows a light that is about
To be engulfed by darkness
"May your soul be laid to rest"
The beautiful man you know to be your reaper
Whispers as he drops your soul
Into the depths of a heretical hell

I mourn the life I'll never live

Blue for stereotypical sadness
Red for passionate
Purple for bravery
And emerald for envious
Periwinkle for timid
Burgundy for romantic
Yellow for content
Black for suicidal
Grey for the never ending depression
Orange for elated and high
But in all honesty
My heart has no color
It's just a prism
Refracting my uncontrollable emotions