How to cook a gourmet (whatever the hell that means) dinner:

Step 1: Send your boyfriend a text inviting him over for a romantic, candlelit home-cooked gourmet dinner.

Step 2: Remember that you are forever alone and don’t have a boyfriend.

Step 3: Go buy mass amounts of chocolate and cry about it.

Step 4: Get over it and invite over your grandmother instead.

Step 5: Preheat the oven to 975 degrees

Step 6: Freak out about the fire in your oven and turn it off.

Step 7: Open all your doors to let the smoke out.

Step 8: Get out all the ingredients you need for the recipe you are
following.

Step 9: End up eating most of the ingredients before you even get to
use them.

Step 10: Spill oil and wine all over your recipe book (umm pffft the
wine is TOTALLY one of the ingredients, that’s why you had it out… heh heh… yeah…)

Step 11: Panic and try to dry it off by taking the book outside and waving it around.

Step 12: Watch in horror as all the pages in your book tear and fly off
into the wind.

Step 13: Chase hopelessly after the pages down the block screaming
swear words and having a heart attack.

Step 14: Politely smile and wave awkwardly at your neighbour who
hates you.

Step 15: Yell an apology across the street to that other neighbour who
REALLY doesn’t like you with the little five year old daughter who is
now repeating all of your colorful vocabulary words you just yelled.

Step 16: Reluctantly accept the fact that your recipes are gone. And also
that you have just contributed to the global problem of littering the
streets.

Step 17: Walk back to your smoke-scented house in shame.

Step 18: Look through pictures of scrumptious-looking meals on
Pinterest.

Step 19: Get inspired and decide to put your brilliant idea of creating your own recipe into action.

Step 20: Get out your frying pan and throw a bunch of random ingredients in.

Step 21: Put out yet another fire and realize that marshmallows, sprinkles, raisins, baking soda, orange peels and liquid gasoline probably wouldn’t have tasted very good together anyway.

Step 22: Wonder what the hell is wrong with you.

Step 23: Get distracted by the television for half an hour.

Step 24: Try to microwave 2 week old mac and cheese you forgot to
throw out.

Step 25: Watch as your microwave malfunctions and spontaneously
combusts.

Step 26: Decide to clean it up later because you just cannot even deal
with it right now.

Step 27: Fill a *** with water to make pasta and try to boil the water.

Step 28: Somehow manage to burn the water.

Step 29: Wonder how that even happened?!!!!

Step 30: Give up and call the pizza delivery guy.

Step 31: When you grandmother arrives have her take a seat in the
kitchen.

Step 32: Call an ambulance when she has a heart attack seeing the mess
in your kitchen.

Step 33: Get ready to leave and drive after the ambulance to the
hospital with your grandmother once the pizza arrives so you can
bring it with you. Get a call from the pizza place.

Step 34: Listen to the manager explain that your pizza spontaneously
burst into flames in the oven and they are terribly sorry there will be a
delay in the delivery due to this.

Step 35: Pass out.

I speak in behalf of the trees
The voiceless souls who lay dormant upon this wretched plain
I speak in behalf of the animals
Whose homes we destroy everyday for our own personal gain
I see their tears
The ones they conseal underneath their blood drenched skin
I feel their pain
The pain us humans seem to ignore because we are cold hearted  beings
Don't you see what we are doing
Mother nature is screaming in agony as we laugh in her face
She gives us life
In return we give her death
She gives us a home
In return we give her regret
It's a shame really
We should be appalled in ourselves but we are too busy basking in our own glory
Our temporary glory at that
What will we do when mother nature has nothing else to offer us
All because we sapped her dry
Because we are greedy vessels of pure meat
Maybe then we will taste a piece of our own "glory"
What we deserve...
And that is death!

I am cold
And you're far away
My hands are covered in stars

I am crying
And you're probably asleep
My hands are covered in snow

I am candlewax
And you are matches
My hands are covered in sins

i have forgotten how to be myself, as if once when i was walking in a dream i forgot to wake my soul up. maybe it’s curled up sleeping in some far spiral of my fingerprints.
my friend tells me she can’t figure me out. she says the attic light is still flickering but the rest of the house looks dark. she says if you stare too hard at my eyes, you can see a noose up on the roof beam. she says i am standing on a stool, trying to decide if my life is worth taking.
i don’t know how to control myself. i lie awake at night wondering why i did things that make me cringe as soon as they happen. i lie awake asking myself how hard it would be to be normal. i tell myself that tomorrow, i will be perfect. i won’t laugh too loud, i won’t be a burden, i won’t speak unless i have to.
i spend so much time worrying about being perfect that i never get it right.

You are, you be, you witness,

you prevail, you gift, you create

you end whatever you want to end

you continue, you are the wind,

and the stars...I know

i saw them in your eyes.

You are, you be, you are loved

by me and all who know you.

You are the one who will continue

to will, and yield and never, ever end.

Oh, small death;

Le petite mort.

An amalgamation of all that has been
and all that will ever be:

Waves of joy, gently washing over my body,
heartache, pulling me under, like an ocean current

A  harmony beckening for peace,
turbulent storms unleashing disaster

Laughter, an enduring friendship,
sadness, an unwelcomed thief in the night

Comfort, tenderly healing a wound,
pain, like the crack of a whip

The blessing of life entering the world,
a devouring ache, cast by the shadow of death

The sweet taste of desire,
and a wretched stench of apathy

Embraces, like the warmth of the sun,
aggression, a scorching burn

Courage, roaring within my soul,
fear,  shivers surging down my spine

Enchanting dreams, written in the stars,
a sky brimming of failure, waiting to downpour

Love, a heavenly paradise, thankful to be explored,
hate, fallen into the gutter, begging for forgiveness

Fragment upon fragment,
all that shines its light and all that creates darkness

You are LIFE
*MY PERPETUAL MUSE