I haven't forgiven myself for letting you in
For knowing you were toxic but still letting you in
Into the space between my lips
And almost the space between my hips

Consistently questioning myself but not my worth

Hold me tight sister
Don't let them catch me
"I won't Ezie" said Ngozi as she nestled them deeper into the leaves

Before you take me
Read my side effects
You need to know whats coming next
"Anger,irritation,chest pains and sleepless nights"
Trust,with me you won't be high like a thousand kites
You will get no buzz
You will get no excitement
Nothing will be of enchantment
What you will get will be pain,insomnia,difficulty breathing
Because my burden is just so heavy it could stop your breathing
You may go a little deaf from my constant singing
Your ears would be blooding ringing
And finally the chest pain
You won't wish to remember my name
Because your heart would be broken in vain

A silent night, disturbed by your feverish search for something unknown.
You reached for me, holding the silver marker in your hand and drew me close.

You began to draw upon my ebony skin, the ever darkness a wonderful contrast to the silver at hand.

You flicked your wrists here and there till you art was complete, creating a sea of stars on ever inch of my chocolate being, I was the universe. In that single moment I was everything that was needed to even exist and that was when you whispered " I cannot breathe without you."

Popping veins like champagne bottles

When you heart is bleeding know when to stop
When the tears are spilling over know when to stop
When it feels like the whole world is sitting upon your chest and you cannot be bothered to even try know when to stop

Because if you don't
Your heart will explode
Your eyes will go blind
The world will tear your chest
And you will realize you will see all the beautiful stars above you,you will hear the wistful birds and feel the velvet soft grass.
But it will be too late

Create enough space in your heart to forgive those that hurt you
This doesn't mean create space for them to return
Know the difference

I wish winds could die with just a kiss from my lips
oh how famous I would be
I wish the sun would dim at my gaze
oh how famous I would be
I wish snow would melt at my breath
oh how famous I would be
I wish the flowers would bloom with my touch
oh how famous I would be
Oh how famous and how experimented I would be

She moved like the waves
But looked like the sun

If love isn't tended to
If it isn't even remembered for the longest of times
Yet it still finds a way to survive
Then it is all you will ever need

She wanted to be held tight
But he held her back
She wanted to be held up
But he held her down

Her lips hid many secrets
And he wanted to find them

"What if I like broken?"He said

She answered
"No one does.no one likes a broken mug.no one uses it.no one likes a broken toy it ends up in the bin.people stay away from broken glass because it hurts them.nothing that is broken is loved"

And how ironic is it to try to trample a flower
But then it helps the soil birth ten more

You write your pain upon your wirst
you make it look like you broke your fist
the world has changed and so have we
close your eyes and follow me

Dont let the darkness win
dont let yourself succumb to sin
dont be afraid dont you shout
I will be here to figure you out

I will draw a map from eyes to mine
I will drink you up like the blackest wine
I will make sure you're not dead
I will make sure you have your head

You will be mine to keep
If you promise not to lie in your sleep
do not think to betray me
do not think to throw it all into the sea

I have an impecable memory
But has love forgotten me?

I sit and ponder of a world without you
A world were I could no longer walk in your footsteps
Or smell you in the air
A world where the flowers didn't desire to remind me of you
That world has a name and it is called
Hell

Take your journey with a pen

One morning,a little bird chirped at my window
I opened it up to let this creature in.
It glided unto the pane,its onyx eyes shinning bright
It began singing a song that could make a harp stop and listen.
Its tone wore a coat of gold
And its harmony had the tenderness of a dozen wind chimes.
I listened intently at this bird with its sunset coloured feathers.

I translated its song and this was what I heard:

'Far and wide,I came back and forth to this window.But now I'll stay,I'll stay'

Its song was a promise that it would be by my side,through my pain,tears and heartbreaks.

But as bread crumbs flew from another window,
It flew away

My cell door seems tighter than before
The weak hinges mocking me with their glittering faces and beautiful posture.

Even the ceiling that was once dull and brown seems so pristine and glowing or is my misery lying to my eyes?

The blankets I have slept on for a dozen years are cold and wet and yet I don't know what bothers me more,the stench that stings my eyes or the fact you are not here to make it seem like rose beds.

The warden could not walk before,his legs broken or was that his heart?he looked at me with grief most days and cried others..now that you are gone it feels as though he laughs while his dim eyes look at me,his smiles as if mocking my loneliness.

Finally the little bird that used to sit on the tree..far off with bright blue feathers yet with an ugly beak came to me,its eyes glowing with mischief a song on its tongue, telling me it knew you were gone and I had to start counting down the days when my legs would give,my soul would rip and my love would fade.so I took it in my hands quietly caressing rhise feathers and snapped its neck. For no creature could understand how lost beingg without you made me

You know, I drank myself in for a while
All deceit and sorrow
Bitter taste it was
Or shall I say I was
Yet I smiled and glugged on
I licked my teeth, pretending to savour my juices
But I was dying inside

I see the oppression
But they constantly whisper to me
"Be blind"

I run from myself
Fast and breathless
I take a break often trying to recall what made me run
What me decide
To pick up my feet and take off
But I have nothing

My heart is paralyzed and cannot move towards love

My darling,
Do not wait for someone to dance with
When there is music in your bones

The stars burn brightly
as bright as I once did
now this is just mockery

I'm losing the fight with my sanity

One tree does not make a forest
Neither does one grain of sand make a desert

And don't apologise darling
For taking your time to choose
For wanting to know what *** feels like
But wanting to know what making love feels like more

Everyone has different stars
It is easy to get so blinded by another's
That you can't see your own

These streets ain't safe
These ******* looking at me
Like I'm some kind of bait

My melanin
Apparently intimidating
So confused
But so used to the ruse
These men, women and in between, no definitions
They call them sins
If I ain't looking like milk
Hows that funny?
Trying to make jokes about my melanin and honey

If only they didn't leave me here alone
To catch their last breaths in my lungs
And taste them like they were still here

He was wild and feral
But in love was I

With his golden hair and glistening eyes

His sharp teeth and claws feared me not

But his untamed heart did

A writer lives two lives
One on earth
And the other on pages

When your heart is beating
Your brain is retreating
for when you are in love
There is no sense above

My darling,
I am here to tell you not to waste your time
searching for the woman you want to be in the wrong men
Because you'll lose every bit of the woman you are
every time you climb their beds
and give them the loving they never intend on returning

There is rain
But it's coming from my eyes
It's a downpour

In a world that seems to harbour more bad than good
The word 'trust' seems to have left
It seems to have never existed at all
But with a pen
A camera
And whatever else I can find
I will reclaim it
I will find it
Nestle it in my palms and whisper to it
"It is okay"
And I will share it
With those with broken hearts
Those with lost hopes
I will share it with everyone

Feeding off air
Living off nothing

I stay awake through the night
Chipping at my nails
The blood around reminds me to ask
"Why do you love me?"
The half moon lingering on my skin yet not masking the scars and marks

I told you i didnt like being vulnerable
and you said no one does
and perhaps that is true
because no one likes exposing their wounds to someone
without knowing if they would pour salt in or not
and instead wash the wounds and bandage them

However much you washed my wounds tho
My head still tells me you WANT to pour salt in them and when i think like that...

I end up wishing i never met you

Go the extra mile for yourself my dear
For you are worth every step

If she carries the weight of her world and yours on her back
Do no stab her there too
Because not only will her world fall but yours will crash down all the same

As those arms wrap around my waist
and I see.nebulars and galaxies
I feel complete
and nothing can compare to the astronomically ruckus of.joy erupting from my belly
I feel like universies are born from my fingertips
and possibiliteis are born from my lips
I feel like I AM life
all that is..

A girl that cried wolf
While her blood was the acid eating away at her soul
The acid that turned her as cold as the snow under carriages and covering leaves

They pretend
Pretend to be in awe
Pretend to love care and adore
To want a slice of my heaven
To want a slice of me
How do they intend to get that slice?
By stabbing me in the back ofcourse

Pain is immortal
not I

There's been movement of my soul and I
From place to place
Home to home
We want to stay but we keep being kicked out

She was made of pixie dust
And sang the tune of neverland

Oh how sweet was she?
To entice me with her wings

They sparkled under the moons light
And I was but a red headed boy that fell for her magic