your calloused
your calloused
but you don't even know

picking off the skin
of my dried lips

bleeding fingertips
bleeding lips
but I don't even know

we go hand in hand
numb and cold
i know

When I covered myself
with gasoline
smelled so good

oh we live
in such a twisted world
some worship the
devil

bleeding fingertips
bleeding mouth
we'll never know
what pain is

hand in hand
numb and cold

A peck of his lips filled with sin
     my labored breathing  
          his calloused hands wander my body
          exploring every inch of me
He holds my hand
      and steals my breath
           with a rope he found in the kitchen
Calloused hands wander over my body
     as he lay me with his ex lovers
          each more beautiful than  the next
          each more grave than the last
Beware of boys with blue eyes like sapphires dropping in the ocean

my name's on the gold card she said
membership went straight to her head
told her *******
turned into a cough
smiled, said thank you instead

i love you
so much
i am holding
back tears.
i don't know why
it hurts to love you.
loving you should
be amazing
and beautiful
and so serene.
but instead
it knocks the breath
out of me
and sends me
to my knees,
gasping for breath,
heart wrenching sobs
escaping my mouth,
and you pull me
to your chest,
asking why i cry.
but how can i tell you
it's because i love you?

blonde hair.
blue eyes.
thin body.
designer clothes.
popularity contest.
matter over mind
over matter
over mind.
prom queen.
cheerleading captain.
top of the social ladder.
perfect.

depression.
anxiety.
lies.
secrets.
fake smile.
makeup.
insecurities.
tears.
eating disorder.
masks.
heartbreak.
sadness.
insecurities.
insecurities.­
insecurities.
insecurities.

she wore
her clothes
for the sole purpose
of not
being naked.
she didn't care
about looks.
she wore
shapeless baggy jeans
with a shapeless baggy tee
and ***** old sketchers.
and yet she was
the most
beautiful girl
to walk the halls.
her stringy brown hair
curtained her face
and it was clear
of any makeup.
she was so real.
so true.
so confident
in her own skin.
she didn't care
about the opinions
of others.
and oh
were there opinions.
they called her
ugly.
they called her
a loser.
the called her weird.
and yet
i was so
jealous of her.
of her ability
to dress however.
to never wear makeup.
to never style her hair.
to not even care
what people think.
it seems like
people dress me.
i have to wear
what they like.
i have to wear makeup.
i have to straighten
my naturally curly hair.
i have to wear
a mask.
meanwhile she wore
her clothes
for the sole purpose
of not
being naked.

It won't go away
I need help
There's no solution
It's like a virus
Spreads all over
The shaking that won't stop
It won't go away