2:00 am
you feel it coming
creeping up
try to ignore it
but it's making an appearance

2:11 am
can't close your eyes
like the surrounding darkness
has them pinned open
heart rate accelerates
for no reason

2:16 am
can't breathe
like your lungs are collapsing
crushing your heart
causing an aching heavy chest
you keep trying to stay calm

2:21 am
frantic
shaking and shaking
both your body and breaths
rocking back and forth
clutching knees
stomach
chest
holding yourself in attempt to steady your insides

2:29 am
tears fall
as panicked eyes search the room
looking for something to slow the chaos
but the thoughts march on
with the rushing blood in your veins

2:34 am
now up and pacing
collapsing on the floor
screaming through sobs
gripping hair
hitting walls
uncontrollable

2:48 am
blacking out
from lack of oxygen
****** knuckles and bruised skin
from punching anything
to release the built up energy
boiling within

2:55 am
slowed breathing
heart still racing
softly crying
confused on why
this seems to happen
why

3:00 am
sleeping far from soundly
heart still racing
exhausted from a fight
anxiety attacks
at any moment
you lose control

the day I lost you
was the day my knees
begged the floor
to try and lift my body.

Here’s to the boy
who waited for a girl
on his front door step
until she came home
after leaving without sound

Here’s to the girl
who has to hide her urges
behind a glass door
the strength to put down the razor
after shaving her legs

Here’s to the girl
who receives deluded comments
on the length of her skirt
from her own mother

Here’s to the boy
who didn’t have a father growing up
but is teased
because he’s more comfortable being friends with girls

Here’s to the girl
who finds solace
in people who are temporary

Here’s to the boy
that doesn’t feel safe
in his own home

Here’s to all the kids
who have been told it is wrong to feel
the way they feel
like our emotions are fishhooks
that need to be
reeled in

Here’s to you
Here’s to me
Here’s to anyone who has ever had
their heart crushed beneath the heel
of someone they loved

You are loved
You are important
You’ve made it this far
and you can make it even farther
have strength
and

Here’s to you

kiss my lips
tell me i'm pretty

grab my thighs
tell me you miss me

clutch my hips
tell me I'm your only one

look me straight in the eyes
tell me you need me

break my heart
and tell me you love me.