Life's too short to live in fear of someone that you love,
Don't waste a second changing yourself its them that's not enough,
Don't let people in that lie, honestly, I stress.
Truthfully, dishonesty will leave your soul depressed.
Should anyone raise a hand to you,
you better raise one back,
Never show your weaknesses,
or qualities you lack...
we've all been through horrific ****,
some of us worse than others.
  it's made me who I am today
I'm stronger than my mother
Finally remember,
never to forget where you have been,
because karma *****, and sure as ****
you will end up there again.

Heidi Shavill
2013

CHOMO
Anger building up in me
Pounds my skull quite violently
I can’t sit still so I just pace
Until again he invades my space.
Afraid to tell, I rage and scream,
Upon deaf ears falls my suffering
The pain inside I've rarely shown
Cripples me if I’m alone.
Too easily they let it slide,
What he did for years they tried
To hide the truth and blame the one
  Ripped apart by their ******* son.
Heidi Shavill
2013

Do you blame me for the rut we’re in?
God knows I had a wiser plan,
It was all blue skies and sunshine,
When loving you began.
If all my wishes would come true,
I’d bundle every bit of wealth and give it all to you.
Intentions alone aren’t acceptable though,
So I need to show you reasons why
You don’t want to go.
Leaving doesn’t work, sorry, I need you right here loving me.
This wounded hearts on lockdown and
You possess the only key.
Somehow, someway you’ll see me shine,
Then perhaps we’ll gain some peace of mind.
Regardless, of what ultimately you choose
I pray that you’re gentle,
If I should lose.

Heidi Shavill  2010

I hope that you're unhappy
I wish that you were dead...

Hopefully psychotic delusions
Dance inside your head...

I hope you contract ******
I want you to bleed...

I hope you never find what you think  you need

I hope you fall madly in love, no really I do
'Cause I hope he is abusive, and he cheats on you...

You deserve nothing, I pray that you go blind
I hope you keep suffering until you lose your mind...

I hope every choice you make turns out a big mistake
I hope each promise made to you the promise maker breaks...

I hope you know my hatred is true
Thank God they took my son from you...

I hope you feel guilty you should be ashamed
Thankfully it's my family that shares his last name...

I hope you feel worthless, hopefully no one cares
I hope when you long comfort that no one ever dares...

Hopefully you understand what a ***** paybacks can be
I hope you are scared to death and you never live fear free

I hope you detest the life that you alone have built
while we're loved abundantly and are happy to the hilt...

I hope you know he's finally free
all safe and sound, right here with me...

I hope through time he will recover
Everybody knows
you have failed
as a friend,
woman,
and mother...

Heidi Shavill
2011

Please don't let me go this time,
I need a hand to hold,
Away, away you
push,and push,
You win this hand,
I fold,

My weakness shows,
you feed off it,
I'm such an easy prey,
To you, I'd sacrifice my soul
if only you would stay.

Heidi Shavill
2008