Search inside yourself for love,
It has to start somewhere,
You have to love yourself before,
Others even start to care.

I learned the hard way,
I suffered alone,
Body Dysmorphia,
As it is better known.

I went insane first of course,
I couldn't look at myself,
I hated everything i was,
At risk of being left on the shelf.

People would say,
Surely it's not that bad,
But what do they know,
I was way past sad.

I decided to take it,
One step at a time,
I decided to change,
I started the climb.

Out of the dark,
No longer alone,
Working through my fears,
With my husband at home.

Scrolling through the internet
I see the world
The beauty of these places
The different countries
The culture
When will I get out of here
See the world without my phone

if i stopped eating
people would compliment me
on how thin i am
and when they saw the bruises
they pressed their mouths
shut tight
and just joked about
how clumsy i could be
with their easily uneasy smiles.
i don’t know if they
just didn’t see
or if they just weren’t
looking.
introducing him
to my friends was like
living in a ****** part of town,
having someone over
and hearing the racket of gunfire
outside of your window
and then having them say to you,
“oh, listen,
you can hear the fireworks
from here!”
and being too embarrassed
to correct them.
so maybe i’m not sure
if i believe in fireworks;
bombs are too often
mistaken for them.
but i can distinguish the difference
now, i can, and i will not
teach my daughters that when
he pushes you down in the dirt
and pulls on your pigtails
it’s because he likes you.
because when i covered up
those bruises on my body
in too-light concealer
like i’d never learned how to cover up
love-bites and tired eyes,
there was a voice in the back of
my mind that was telling me
that he only pushed me
down because he loved me.
i do not want a voice
inside my daughter’s heads
that sounds like me,
telling them that they deserve
their split lips.
i will tell my daughters to wear
boxing gloves over their manicures,
i will tell my daughters that
“love” is not an excuse,
i will tell my daughters that no one
is allowed to give you
a black eye and expect you
not to punch back harder,
i will tell my daughters
that you are not weak for getting hurt
because the weak ones
are those who let their anger
and insecurities
manifest themselves
in fists and words.
i will tell my daughters
the difference between bombs and fireworks,
i will tell them that they may sound
the same sometimes,
but fireworks don't ****
innocence.

Far away from the world
Their is a better afterlife
Sometyms i wonder
wht wud lyf hv been over der
A true state of being happy
Ignoring all the doubts n the pressures
it's being loved by whom u luv
A peaceful life
Attaining sch a life
Wud be a blessed one
With a new beginning
And new people
No minset, no conclusions
Follow what ur heart says
i dreamt of such a life
n m still dreaming of it
Bcz the reality is far away from it
N it cud never be near to this dream
What if i want it to be
People dn't
A carefree world is better than a one which kills u everyday
I really wish it cud be like i want it

M happy at this moment
The changed mood
With a feeling of expressing whatever i want
It's been so long i guess
I have never felt like what i m feeling now
It's feels so gud being happy
For a change not regreting the things
I really wish i could hold on to this moment forever
I have no idea what's gonna come next to me
N i really don't care
because i m happy at this moment
I would have been wrong at many points
But i really want to know where
I want u to guide me the way
The way to be on a right path
Like u r doing right now
Jsst wait a bit
Be the same
Lemme capture the moment
It may flash off
But the memories won't
I m luving it :D
Jsst the way it's been now..

I can only speak
Through masks
My cowardice pulls me back
Into the inky darkness
Even my ******* desire for you
I must conceal
In the haze of bravado and apathy
And the clawing ache
Your gaze summons
I must suppress
With the very essence of my spirit

Forgive me
For what kind man
Would resort to such craven means
Just to bare his very soul?
Surely not one worthy of you.

The Lion's heritage
Compels me and curses me
To the bitter fate
Of wandering the halls
Of lonely perfection
Eternity upon eternity

A duplicitous nature
Earns curses
But I am grateful
For the gift of masks
Without which
Truth dies.

I love you but you love her
she loves vain..
Love's what you gave her
while i gathered pain..

I love you but you dont love me
Now im blaming myself for being lonely
Is that what love is all about?
pure of nothing but doubts?

Summer begins but i love you still
promise myself to love you until..
A man wakes me up from my dreams
Showed me that love is not bad as it seems

He loves me but i dont
I will love you endlessly but to him i wont
How could i be such a dumb?
From the pain you've caused me im already numb

Then you continue loving her
Not minding my presence here
If only walls could speak
Then he will tell me whom i should pick

I continue myself for being blind
All saints day have been forgotten in my mind
Because everyday i'm already suffering from grief
Not minding anyone as time drifts..

He gave me a rose while u gave me a torn
He gave me light while you watch me burn
Why are you so blinded with my emotion?
Why cant you take Mr. truth's revelation?

December begins to froze the air
While me here sitting wounded in a stair
I gave you heaven while she gave you hell!
She gave you thunderstorm while i gave you bell

Here i am with this comfort and care
While you treat me like a crap and so unfair
You once told me you care for me but now you dont
Why you keep on telling me to forget you when you know **** well i wont?

Again i'm trapped in a love chain
Where it brought me a hundred folds pain
I love you but you love her
He loves me but why am i crying here?

I just wished to start a year with you
But you wished to spent it with her too
I gave you my love but you take it away
Now i will give it to a man who will love me every single day..