The smell of mop soap
Your subtle knit brown coat
The sounds of self comfort in the pounding notes.

Each floral petal of my heart is being plucked as each car drives by into the morning
All I wanted was to see you here
Why does missing hurt so much
I feel so helpless and of discard
Why isn’t time and effort on my side
This is not about ***
Not about money
All I want is to see your face and love you in body

My chest hurts
It feels worse
Please help the bleeding from within
Why does this hurt
I think I made it hurt
I have not cared for my being

I am the joke now
How to move now
Missing is the worst kind of sick
My soul cries your name and I can’t help it

I still taste you on my lips
You were a king who hugged and kissed
I was robbed of my heart so big
I’m now a pauper who wishes she could give
I didn’t care about certain kinks and cracks
I just loved how you loved me back
I wish I could have given you all in my shack
But now I’m a pauper who needs time to get love back

I wish for my soul to shine through my skin

Like the sky is blue and my blood is red
God is God and creator of my head
Though there may be clouds and rain
Wind and hail the heavens remain the same cool deep shade of cyan
In the night I might forget and inside no less
But when the sun comes out and the curtains are raised the almighty’s name can’t leave my mouth
The truest colour and hue
There is none I can hide what I do because the Lord fruits only the truth which enriches
My mind body and soul
I have fears that I am not safe
That I am far from the tree shade of my blue skied deity
I ask and pray from thee for he and me
That we may be.
As you wish how you have painted
Grown and healed beyond repair
Please help
And stay
With me
I pray in your name
Jesus
And
To your
Will

Amen

Karmic

So many signs you are well though we havent met
My pretty winged friend told me when he was sent

A moment in time
A year of insanity
The artists unfortunate magnanimity

Lies and lust
Acts and aesthetics

Sitting here cramped with confusion
Jumping to conclusions in the dumps of the worst

Surely not me
Not now
Not before x and y
I love you still
And do not regret the feels
But remember that this is a situation and a manifestation
responding to my desperate cry for the sensitivity of my soul
I am blessed to feel as though I have been spoken
And have the power to navigate
Educate and reciprocate emotions
I sit in empathies I have never cradled before

When slumber is the closest thing I can grasp near death  
I remember how it seems best to end it all in times of cleft

-

Critters wrapped like lollies falling on my body from a ceiling created by hallucination and an unknown press

Where did they go.
Why can I now breath from my nose?
How can I now see straight and into my periphery?

Nobody wants to hire me
Simplicity is uninspiring
It cripples me
as above God and my family it is what enlightens me
The counting days inside has me unknown to who I live
I am shackled by the education I once loved to eat
Dressed in numbness
Drawing hopeless
Consuming loneliness
Somehow I'm still here

...

At least, the sun is shining
New love is trying
And my hair is whispering hope, wisdom and patience despite this

She taunts me with anxiety
Whenever I eat
Dribbles on my mind death by constriction and swollen lips
Tricks me into security and troubles me death
reminds my mortality is all mist
Can hista really save me
Will lance make a difference
In the end I might just take the poison
That convinces me of my end

Deceived, we all are
Until we see the light and all the shadows are gone.

Now I know true brightness I often see others believe the shadows and shapes of what’s not there.

Funny how this world is made blind by the dark to pretend it is the light that stops them from seeing.

Now I see

I enjoy and bask in the true light and hold the linen bag with gratitude while the grains of time inevitably mists through peacefully.

Before I could not stand the sound of sand hitting the cold hard ground
I would ignore its appearance and trance past it by mentally muffling the noise.

I stand glad now that I can watch and listen content as each glassy piece dusts the floor and be satiated in my grip on that linen bag named life.

When you say it as it is
Unadulterated by what has been
The queer flavour is enriched and
Many layers come to fruit