The last day I saw you, it was snowing
It was snowing in the middle of March,
which was weird
But even weirder, I was sitting at your table
The cool kid's table
All of your friends looked at me like I was a freak of nature
But I was your freak
They saw us laughing and cracking jokes,
but mostly staying silent
and they left us alone

I wonder if I'll ever forget that day
I've already forgotten the way you dressed
or whether or not you were wearing your glasses
But I remember the snow,
cold and silent as us
Falling down outside
It was still there when I woke up at three o'clock in the morning
to your breathing
To the fact that you were still laying next to me

I remember now,
your red and black sweater
I never got why people call those things sweaters
I always called them sweatshirts, or pullovers
But you'd assuredly call it a sweater
Just like I know you'd always baby talk your dogs
and chase after Emmett in your backyard
and dream of smoking ****
in your unattached garage
I'll never know why you picked me
Why you chose to stick around
When you could've easily left
Maybe it was my perseverance,
If you could call it that
I could never let you get away
I never wanted you away from me

Maybe I'll forget this all someday
When I'm older and greyer
But not quite grey
Living with the one I called my soulmate
The person I chose to believe
was meant for me
Funny, how I still keep thinking about that person as you
when the conversation never flows quite right
how we can't be left alone together
in an empty room
There'd be no fear of passion
We are as lifeless as fallen stilts
The abandoned remnants of some government project
But for now I'll say that I'll always think of you
And I will think of you
Your hair and your stupid smile
Everchanging but always signaturely you
I guess I'll miss the few moments where I felt at home with you
at peace with you
Because after this quarantine is over,
nothing will be the same

enormous fronts
life gives me lemons
too many
I just add *****
and get wit it.

I'm lukewarm and lost
Peacefully floating
Tethered only
To the rhythmic swaying of my legs
Propped up on top of each other
Staring at the white walls
But too far away to really register
The spinning of the clock hands
The passing of all my time

Written, mostly because
It's all I know
I think about you sometimes
Not as much as I should
If I was really in love
But too much
For me to trick myself into thinking
That I've moved on.

I don't wonder about that night
I know how you feel
But I do wonder what you would think
If I told you that he ***** me
If I told you that my parents
Sent me back to hell
For the things they found under my bed
I feel spacey
Almost as high as Cameron Post
On the night she lost it all
I'm probably just tired
I'm always tired, after all.

I don't miss you anymore
I miss the daisies that popped up
Wherever we stood
Missing your hair
And all the pictures you sent me
Your gentle hands
In china white gloves
Carefully intertwined with mine
Like I was a piece of art
Like I was something to treasure
Not something to throw away

I miss your voice
Blitzing through that
Samsung cellphone
Timed, late at night
What would you think of me now

a strange face
offered me if I wanted to leave

do I want to go back
or see what's ahead

I want to go back
to the day you smiled by my side
I want to see ahead
if we'll live another day the same

I felt great pain years ago
I don't want to live the future if I'm not with you

stranger with the time machine
just go without me