I had to look up
the word
'dating'
on Urban Dictionary
because I didn't know
what we were,
what we are.

And it said things like
'a socially acceptable
form of prostitution' and
'feelings of
puppy love that usually
dissolve
in a few weeks'.

But this is
not
puppy love.
This is not going to
dissolve or
fizzle out or
whatever,
you're not a
fizzle
you're a *******
fireworks display.

And you turn
everything in my head
into this
multi-coloured
turbulence and
I can't keep up with
how much I
adore you.

But the thing is
I don't know
if your view
is as good as mine.
What if you're
looking at something
a little less
beautiful.

What if I'm your
fizzle.

What if I'm as
temporary
as the flame you use
to light the
cigarettes
you find more
addictive
than my touch.

If that's the case
I'd rather
I left you
craving.

Because
if I'm your flame
you're my
forest fire
and you're burning
it all down until
the only thing left
standing is
you.

And I'll walk for
miles across this
carpet of ashes
just to feel the
softness of your skin
against mine.

And I'll cough
and I'll splutter
on toxic smoke
but you'll just
breathe it in because
you never realised anything
was even
lost.

You don't see me
crawl
you just know that
I'm here,
I'm here
I made it
I'm yours
I'll always be yours
because there's
nothing else
left.

And maybe
I can be
content with that
if only
you will see
that
you could burn down
everything
and I still
wouldn't put you
out.

I looked God in the eyes and I saw the fury
I saw the fire burning and I knew what was coming
I heard his voice boom but no words were coming out

God looked me in the eyes and he saw the indifference
He saw the light in my eyes diminish
along with the faith I had instilled in him

I looked God in the eyes and I saw the disappointment
I saw the ghost of tears he would have shed
if this was the first time I had failed him

God looked me in the eyes and he saw the fear
He saw me tremble with every breath he took
he heard my heart fail and start again

I looked God in the eyes and I spoke
I saw his expression change before I heard my words
"*******, you cannot fire me, I quit"

I took the sharp knife of his actions - or lack there of
and I slit my throat with trembling hands

I looked God in the eyes and I watched him laugh
He spoke words that shook my bones
I felt my heart begin to beat again

"My dear child, you cannot quit, only I decide who begins and finishes,
and right now is not your time"