i'm ******
i can't tell people anything
i can't show
how melancholy i am.

asking for help in a floundering family
making things worse for those i love
in a family full of mental illness
letting them know that i've got it too
i can't do that to them.

i'm supposed to be the normal one
i can't say that i'm almost always thinking of death
so i contain it
and suffer in silence.

it seems like the easiest option
for everyone around me
i abandon my friends
so they won't know
and i only say the bare minimum
to those around me.

he doesn't know
that i've been suicidal
none of them do
i just keep quiet while life passes me by.

given the chance to have you back,
i wouldn't do it.
not even if you paid me.

was i just imagining it when you said you liked me?
and that you had no intentions of going anywhere.
did i make all of that up in my head?
i'm beggining to feel as though i did.

you said you were in it for the long haul
then,
two weeks later,
you crumble.

telling me that i can't be friends with my best friend...
if i want this to work,
and that wasn't about to happen.

so it ended just like that,
nothing more nothing less,
just a bad case of jealousy,
nothing more nothing less.

every time i look at you my spine tingles
i shouldn't want you
but i do.

i wish that you were mine
but you wouldn't stay faithful.

you're everything that i want
but you can't offer me the most important thing
it's killing me.

i want to reach out
to grasp you
but always
you slip away.

I want to be treated with kindness
and respect,
like the lady that I am.

You should take me out on dates,
and show me off to your friends,
I want you to crave my attention
and worship the ground I walk on.

Loving every inch of my body,
be ecstatic when I give you
control.

I want you to love me
and treat me like a goddess,
and do nice things for me
just because.