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Hailey James Mar 2018
I think the world is angry today,
Maybe at me, perhaps.
I might have stepped on the crack in the sidewalk,
I think the whole road collapsed.

Was it the way I scoffed at the wind,
When it blew my hair in my face?
Or maybe it was that time when I
Ran through the grass without grace.

I don't wish upon the stars at night,
I'm used to losing count.
The rain soaked through my clothes today,
What the hell was that about?

The brightest star was not bright enough,
And the air was left too frigid.
The trees could only sprout lousy buds,
That covered all the bridges.

How could the world be so cruel today,
Nothing worth a second glance.
Maybe the world would look much different,
If I gave the world a chance.
Hailey James Mar 2018
a bitter taste with
comforting warmth that surely
cannot replace you
I wish I wasn't still in love
With the person I believed you were
I wish I remembered our time
Clearly instead of merged into a blur

I wish I could happen upon
A picture of us without feeling sick
I wish I was able to outrun
My pain, I tried, but it's too quick

I wish I was capable of
Saying your name without tears leaking out
I wish I had some control over
The honest chaotic words I spout

I wish I was better at apologies
I am sorry for causing you pain
I wish I was worse at forgiveness
My trust is too easy to regain

I wish I didn't miss your touch
And the way you hugged me
I wish I was able to talk
About us without saying "we"

I wish I was able to forget
How your face looks when your heart is sore
I wish I could listen to our song
And not crumble to bits on the floor

I wish I would have deleted your texts
So I would not reread them all day
I wish I had a magic wand
To turn our skies blue instead of grey

I wish I didn't fake a smile
In every picture I post
I wish I was brave enough
To exorcise your stubborn ghost

I wish I could escape the ropes
Of silence wrapped around my heart
I wish I wouldn't of bared my
Whole soul when you shared only a part

I wish I didn't see your image
In my mind each time I close my eyes
I wish I could forget the feeling
Of your fingertips dancing on my thighs

I wish I dreamed of something else
Besides your smile every night
I wish I could bury my hurt
Deep below the surface; out of sight

I wish I was an important enough
reason for you to change
I wish I could spin you like a
Rubiks Cube until you rearrange

I wish I had an easier time
Dragging this body out of bed every day
I wish I didn't want to hide
Under covers and waste away

I wish I could make the sun shine
And light up my life once more
I wish I wasn't too delicate
To speak openly like before

I wish I still felt beautiful
The way I did when you stared at me
I wish I would have stopped handing you chances
After number 93

I wish I possessed the strength
To push myself off my knees
I wish I had the perfect plan
To save you from your deserved disease

I wish I lived in the present
Instead I am always stuck in the past
I wish I could slow down time
I'm powerless; it flies by too fast

I wish I could leave you behind
Move on, let go of this sunken ship
I wish I didn't let you drive
Each time we went on a guilt trip

I wish I could predict the future
What our outcome will be
I wish I had the ability
To write the ending to this story

I wish I lived somewhere new
So I wouldn't see your mom around
I wish I could ask how you are
And look anywhere else but the ground

I wish I could put my heart
Back together in one piece
I wish I was strong enough
To force these wants and needs to cease

I wish I hated you for putting
Me through all seven layers of Hell
I wish I didn't miss your kiss
The heaven I once thought I knew so well

I wish I was a heartless corpse
Incapable of love or emotion
I wish I would have my breath taken
Sorrows are waves and I drown in this ocean
The ending doesn't feel right but it was getting long
Hailey James Mar 2018
Is there a word for that moment you know it's finally over?
The weight of the world is lifted off your shoulders,
And although you suffer, you know you'll be okay,
Because for the first time in a long time,
You feel like yourself again.
Is there a word for that?
I wish there was.

I would have said it when we exchanged words,
Through screams for the whole world to hear,
Wondering, their eyes on us,
That as sad as I may be,
It was still happier than you ever made me.

Still, I hope and pray,
I wish upon the stars at night,
That one day you'll return, as sweet as ever,
So I never have to use that word,
Not in front of you.
Inspired by the structure of Sarah Kay's "Postcards". Used it as a prompt in class today and thought I should share!
Hailey James Mar 2018
Lie
It’s easy for you to fake a smile,
While you lie through your teeth,
Do you lie to hide your tears at night,
The kind that makes it hard to breathe?

Trying to fool no other than yourself,
I’ve taken a hit to your mental health,
Does lying make you feel like more of a man?
Make you feel like you’re better than where you began?

Take a look in my eyes and tell me this,
A year gone by won’t compare to a kiss?
You loved her more than you loved me,
Only in your world could you believe.

A puff of smoke won’t make it better,
I warned you about it in my letter,
The road you’re headed is best left untouched,
Eventually you’ll be forced to confront.

Lie to me some more, why don’t you,
It’s become a lullaby to me,
And when I lay my head to sleep,
I’m reminded how lucky I am to be free.

You’ve got no idea how the others sit and stare,
They tell me you don’t even begin to compare,
To the love I have surrounding me,
They tell me how angry you must be.

You’ve won, You’ve won, You’ve won
Is that what you wanted to hear?
If you’ve got more lies to tell me love,
I’m here to lend you an ear.
Hailey James Mar 2018
A year ago today,
I would’ve cried at the thought,
Of us parting ways,
A feeling never sought.

But I look back at those photos of you and I,
And I know it’s over this time,
Because I no longer feel the way I used to,
It almost feels like a crime.

To let go of one so close to your heart,
And to let your love stray,
Who would’ve thought it would end like this,
A year ago today.
March 9th, 2017
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