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Jun 2018 · 24.4k
Our First Kiss
Haylin Jun 2018
Our first kiss
Gave me an everlasting bliss.
The night your lips met mine
Made everything feel so right.
It was if the whole world stopped
And all my worries just dropped.
The way your lips felt on mine
So gentle and so kind.
I can't forget how your lips taste
And the way your hands cupped my face.
Or how you ran your fingers through my hair
And how much you told me you care.
The feeling I get when I feel your kiss
Is a feeling I never want to miss.
Jun 2018 · 1.9k
Tape 1A
Haylin Jun 2018
I thought that I loved you. I believed that you loved me. I was wrong. You violated me. You took the little innocence I had left. I can't thank you enough for making me this crazy, ****** up person I am today.

May 23, 2018

I had tennis practice that day. I walked out of school down the sidewalk to bus 9. Your bus. I sat down in my normal seat and leaned against the window. Then I saw you. I forgot that it was your bus until you walked on. You said hi to the bus driver and then you sat down next to me. You started some small talk and then you held my hand. I didn't move it because I was stunned. You laid your soft hair on my chest. I just let you and I wish I didn't. You put your hand on my chin and lifted up my face and kissed me. Then you slowly put your hand down my shirt. I didn't know what to do cause this never happen to me before. Then the bus stopped. People were getting off, so you stopped. You didn't want people to know the "fun" you were having. And then you continued. You laid your head between my breast, I was fighting my anxiety. He left his mark, the bus stopped at the middle school. You said done. I ran off of the bus feeling saddened. All I wanted was to forget. I...I....I....

I tried to forget about it. Little did I know, this would happen again tomorrow.



May 24, 2018

I just got back from regionals. I was sitting on the wrestling mats outside the band room waiting for my boyfriend. He wasn't there so I started to wander the school. Then I ran into you. We started talking cause I thought we could put yesterday behind us. But I was wrong. We went back to the wrestling mats and I used his leg as a pillow cause I thought I could trust him. And again I was wrong. Then you leaned down and kissed me. You went to get some water and I sat up, then next thing I knew was that you walked up behind me and wrapped your arms around me.

We walked around for a while and we went back to the mats. Not thinking, I laid down. You were standing. You put your whole upper body on me and kissed me.



I could explain so much more, but it's to painful to talk about.

Thank you for making this so far the worst year of my life.

Johnathon. Welcome to your tape.
this did happen to me
If you want to read the whole story go to: https://www.wattpad.com/story/145783769-the-tapes
Jun 2018 · 6.6k
Dear Straight People
Haylin Jun 2018
To all it may concern: straight people

Dear straight parents,
Thank you,
For making us gays,
And then making us feel like **** for being created,
But hey, you created us.

Dear straight people,
Shut your **** mouth.
We don't care.
Your words aren't going to change us,
No protest signs are gonna change us,
Only God can,
And that isn't an excuse to try and pray the gay away.

Dear straight men,
If a girl likes another girl,
They are not your ****** play toy.
Remove those perverted thoughts from your head,
And learn to control your *****.

Dear straight men,
If a boy likes another boy,
And they don't like you,
Then keep your mouth shut.
If you don't like it,
Then don't be gay.
It doesn't concern you,
And it's none of your ******* business.

Dear straight women,
Just because a girl likes another girl,
Does not make her a ****,
Or a *****,
Or a *****,
But who knows she may be.
But since you're making assumptions like that,
You're probably one of the before mentioned.

Dear straight women,
Ahem "straight",
Go away.
Quit flirting with us,
Because it's annoying and confusing.
Figure out what you want
And try again later.

Dear straight ally's,
Thank you.
You need to procreate,
And make more of you,
Because the world seems to be full of
*******
And biggots.

Dear straight people,
You don't have to like us,
But hating us,
And bashing us,
Isn't gonna make us suddenly go away,
Or quit being gay.
Go back to your prayers that the gays will come to realize if you want,
But I think there are bigger problems in the world
That you need to be concerned with
More than a girl liking *****.

Sincerely,
One who is both a straight and a gay.
Jun 2018 · 4.5k
LGBT
Haylin Jun 2018
I'm lesbian so what
I'm gay so what
I'm bisexual so what
I'm ******* transgender so what
At least i know who the **** I am
I'm pansexual so what
I'm ******* me
I'm myself
If you don't like it
I love it
If you don't care
I cherish it forever
If you hate me
I love you
I'm LGBT
Who the **** are you
Hahaha
Jun 2018 · 481
I Wonder If She Knows
Haylin Jun 2018
Anna's pov while she is dead

For a long time
I nearly failed
Then inexplicably
I began the long steep climb upward
My last chance
But someone took my place

There were times I stayed
To listen to my mother cry
Then one morning
My mother realized that we had everything

Immediately
I felt like I had a shrine
Jesse, sitting on the couch said,"She would have thought it was funny"
The bitter sore memory that someone has left this world
You are still in it
Then one day you look down and see how much pain


Kate's pov as she's alive

I wonder if
Anna lingered in the spaces between the words
I wonder if she knows
That Daddy fell deep after she left
I wonder if she knows that every time I see two little girls
I think of us
This is a blackout poem from My Sisters Keeper
Both poems are written at the same time but Anna is writing it dead and Kate is alive
Jun 2018 · 546
I'll Never Forget
Haylin Jun 2018
4/3/18 - Started dating my boyfriend
2/5/09 - The day I lost my best friend (Grandpa)
9/16/17 - The day my dad and step mom got married
7/16/18 @ 3:35pm - The day I might lose my other best friend
May 2018 · 523
"I'm Just a Kid"
Haylin May 2018
with that said,
let's **** **** up
You want us to lose our minds
because we're just kids
Us kids
have a story
a story beyond Slenderman and Batman.
We live
we breathe
we abide by society,
but no one expects us
to fight back
I'm a 15 year old kid,
but I hold much more than *silence
May 2018 · 405
Short & Sweet
Haylin May 2018
I gave you my heart
You gave me yours
I rocked your world
You shook my core
I love you
You know it's true
You love me
What are we to do
My boyfriend wrote this for me
I never knew that he could write like this
May 2018 · 493
"Slut"
Haylin May 2018
If I'm a ****,
it's because I let society
**** me on the daily.
May 2018 · 271
Fuck
Haylin May 2018
Who Are you to judge me?
I'm just a normal HUMAN BEING!
My sexuality shouldn't matter!
May 2018 · 384
Fuck Society
Haylin May 2018
How would it be
In a world without hate
We will never know
**** Society
May 2018 · 2.6k
Cuddling Facts
Haylin May 2018
Cuddling literally kills depression

If you cuddle, you will become addicted to each other

Gives the same reaction as taking painkillers

Though they hate to admit it, men love cuddling just as much as women

Can strengthen your relationship and built trust

Can heal wounds faster

It's the best feeling
This is why you should cuddle
May 2018 · 1.1k
I Had a Dream
Haylin May 2018
I had a dream
you were there
right beside me
spooning
cuddled up close
I rolled over
as I awoke
and you
disappeared
May 2018 · 28.9k
Cuddling in the Dark
Haylin May 2018
Cuddle in my arms, you are.
We just enjoying quiet time together.
Relaxing on the couch in the dark with a single candle burning.

Just reflecting back on our relationship.
Like when we first met.
It's been a worthy experience.
One I wouldn't trade for anything.

I remember our first kiss.
It's simply hard to forget.
It was sincere.
It was passionate.
Just like the one I've just given you.

I remember our walks in the park.
Those self made dinners we had.
Those was good times.
Just like those we are creating now.

As we are just cuddling in the dark.
Reflecting back.
May 2018 · 407
I'm Trying Mom
Haylin May 2018
I’m sorry that I don’t always
Find the time for exercising
And sometimes my room is cluttered
I’m not a real clean person

I’m sorry that sometimes
I leave my cereal bowl
On the table
I don’t relate, half the time
To things that are important

But I don’t smoke and
I don’t drink
I don’t do drugs
I don’t party
I’m good at school,
And I live at home
I’m doing my best, Mom.

I know sometimes
I’m not perfect
I do not practice
What I preach
But neither do you
Cause no one can
Don’t mean to burst your bubble.

I can’t read minds,
You’d like me to
I wish I could
Cause then I’d know
Exactly when you’re mad at me
And then I wouldn’t need
To have these pointless
Panic Attacks
My brain thinks are so important
I should see a doctor

But I don’t smoke and
I don’t drink
I don’t do drugs
I don’t party
I do well school,
And I live at home
I’m doing my best, Mom.

I like to think
I’m unique
I try to stand outside the crowd
But you told me
I sure blend in well
I think that’s mean
Because you’re the most
Basic ***** I’ve ever known
But maybe you’re right,
I’m just like you.

But I don’t smoke and
I don’t drink
I don’t do drugs
I don’t party
I’m good at school,
And I live at home
I’m doing my best, Mom.

You’re right, Mom:
A "B" is not an "A"
I’m a hoarder
I’m not healthy
I’m pretty lazy
Quite complacent
Self-righteous
Inconsiderate

But I’m doing my best, Mom
Haylin May 2018
lies lies lies
they won't stop running through my mind

lies lies lies
convincing everyone I'm fine

lies lies lies
they happen time after time

lies lies lies
and all i can say is i apologize

lies lies lies
they are all thats left inside
May 2018 · 458
Fluid
Haylin May 2018
I'm a girl
But somedays
I'm a boy
May 2018 · 1.4k
Gaslighting
Haylin May 2018
I know what I said;
I know what I did.
Here you are claiming
It never happened.
I know how you are;
I know your routine.
Here you are claiming
You're not any different.
Here I am, alone,
In my perception.
Am I crazy,
Or just a victim of clever deception?
May 2018 · 351
Emotional Abuse
Haylin May 2018
Yesterday's episode drained the life out me.
I felt empty inside.
And now I'm just filling up with sadness.
I don't know what you are trying to achieve with this space thing,
but I never asked for it.
It feels like it is more of an excuse for you not to deal with me.
A way to manipulate me so that you isolate me more
until the point I am so broken that will come crawling back to you.
So you don't have to put in energy,
but so that I keep draining myself until I can't take it anymore.
Till a reach the point of..

It's not worth it anymore.
Haylin May 2018
Roses are red, violets are blue,
They say it's addicting now I know that it's true  
But the roses are wilting the flowers are dead  
My hands are shaking and my hips are lined red
Haylin May 2018
People that don't self harm
Don't seem to understand it.
But I don't expect them to.

First, it hurts, A LOT.
It hurts when you first do it
And it hurts the next day.
It hurts when your long sleeves rub against it
And it hurts when you look at what you did.

Next, cuts bleed, A LOT.
At first they don't bleed,
You start cutting deeper,
Then they bleed, a lot.
It doesn't stop bleeding.

Please don't tell me to just stop.
I can't just stop.
It's so addicting.
Even though I want to stop,
I can't.

It starts out as you control it,
But then it ends up controlling you.
You want to wear short sleeves?
Think again, you can't.
You want to go swimming with friends?
Oh yeah, they'll probably think you're crazy.

Every time you do it one more time,
It becomes more and more addicting.
Just one more you think, but no.
This is the last time, but it's not.
You can't just stop.

I don't mean to hurt the people around me.
In that moment, all I can think about is
Hurting myself.
I'm sorry for hurting everyone else
While I'm hurting myself.
May 2018 · 697
"I'm Fine"
Haylin May 2018
when did fine come to mean depressed, anxious, scared, suicidal, desperate, self-conscious?
when did we start to lie?

"I'm fine," she says, as her stomach gnaws away at her insides, growling for food

"I'm fine," he says, as he pulls the sleeves of his sweater down over his blood-stained wrists

"I'm fine," she says, after purging all of her dinner

"I'm fine," he says, when the anxiety gets so bad that he can't breathe right

"I'm fine," they say, as they write their last goodbye,
one last lie.
May 2018 · 365
Hell
Haylin May 2018
I got to experience hell
for 4 years
before I even died

It's called high school
May 2018 · 457
Relapse
Haylin May 2018
i told you
because
i wanted you
to stop me.
May 2018 · 392
Suicide[10W]
Haylin May 2018
A knife can make their day, but end their life.
Suicide is a problem! END IT WITH ME! One life at a time. Raise awareness and repost or comment if you've been through this.
May 2018 · 376
:'(
Haylin May 2018
:'(
Just once,


                                   I want someone to be afraid of losing me.
May 2018 · 279
A Suicide Mindset
Haylin May 2018
I didn't ask to be born.
Did I give you permission to have me?
I'm just not cut out for this, really...
I think about suicide constantly
Everyday I question my sanity
Am I okay? Stop starring at me!
You're only worsening my anxiety
They saw me crying.
I don't want them to think that I'm attention-seeking
Because I'm not:
I just have a lot of ****** up thoughts.
One day I'm calm and the next I feel forgot-
Ten: they told me when I grew up I'd be that number
Not someone who's chubby and refuses to go to slumber, part-ies
They were just never for me
But don't get me wrong I tried to participate
Just no one ever really included me unless it was a one-on-one standing
I get it, I'm a fill in.
That's always been my role
Someone who's just there
For when others couldn't be.
That's me.
The girl I'll hit up tomorrow because my other friend is busy
On a new note I'm about to be 15
My parents could kick me
out or disown me
Send me on my way
As if they never had known me
I'll eventually be on my own
That's the point of this right?
To witness someone's life and
Then toss them aside but say
That you'll be there until the end of time?
Right?
Wrong
I always feel that way when
I'm singing this song
Titled: strife
It makes me not want to go on
But it remains
Always in my veins
It tells me to stay
On the worst of days
It triggers me hard
I just want to go away
Just let me already
Why must I stay steady
Can't you tell I'm not sturdy
And just want to yell
At everybody
I'm in tears already
As I pull the cord on this bag
Helium fills my lungs
I no longer feel sad
I laugh continuously
As I'm  being poisoned
I'm mad; crazy
I forgot to write a note
Don't hate me
You all knew me in the past
For a time being
You had your chances with me
There was no right or wrong
I was just always singing a different song
So don't feel bad for my no longer going on
I was never meant to be here
Please. Stay strong.
May 2018 · 587
This Will Kill Me
Haylin May 2018
Wait... Don't leave, please; come back to me
I've been getting into drugs and other things
I am fearful for my own well being...
But these actions I am taking hold of
Keep my mind off from what's truly going on,
I'm not sure that I'll ever really stop...
May 2018 · 281
Everyone Needs to Read This
Haylin May 2018
In the end one needs more courage to live than to **** himself.
A lot of you cared, just not enough, I guess. I just can't eat and I can't sleep. I'm not doing well in terms of being a functional human, you know? There comes a time when you look into the mirror and you realize that what you see is all that you will ever be. And then you accept it. Or you **** yourself. Or you stop looking in mirrors. I waste at least an hour every day lying in bed. Then I waste time pacing. I waste time thinking. I waste time being quiet and not saying anything because I'm afraid I'll stutter. And sometimes you stop and realize-some people are just not meant to be in this world. It's just too much for them. Once upon a time you had no clue why one self would want to even think about killing themselves, and now you know way to close and personally for comfort. Literally. People always ******* ask. Always ask "Why did she do it?"  Twenty aspirin, a little slit alongside the veins of the arm, maybe even a bad half hour standing on a roof: We've all had those. And somewhat more dangerous things, like putting a gun in your mouth. But you put it there, you taste it, it's cold and greasy, your finger is on the trigger, and you find that a whole world lies between this moment and the moment you've been planning, when you'll pull the trigger. That world defeats you. You put the gun back in the drawer. You'll have to find another way.
What was that moment like for her? The moment she lit the match. Had she already tried roofs and guns and aspirins? Or was it just an inspiration? I had an inspiration once. I woke up one morning and I knew that today I had to swallow fifty aspirin. It was my task: my job for the day. I lined them up on my desk and took them one by one, counting. But it's not the same as what she did. I could have stopped, at ten, or at thirty. And I could have done what I did do, which was go onto the street and faint. Fifty aspirin is a lot of aspirin, but going onto the street and fainting is like putting the gun back in the drawer. Ours was different because she just lit the match. Actually, it was only part of myself I wanted to ****: the part that she wanted to **** herself for, that dragged me into the suicide debate and made every window, kitchen implement, and subway station a rehearsal for tragedy. But in all reality..What's the big ******* deal? Lots of amazing people have committed suicide, and they turned out alright. But it was truly ironic, really - you want to die because you can't be bothered to go on living - but then you're expected to get all energetic and move furniture and stand on chairs and hoist ropes and do complicated knots and attach things to other things and kick stools from under you and mess around with hot baths and razor blades and extension cords and electrical appliances and weedkiller. Suicide was a complicated, demanding business, often involving visits to hardware shops. And if you've managed to drag yourself from the bed and go down the road to the garden center or the drug store, by then the worst is over. At that point you might as well just go to work, and I want to tell you about everything but I can't because I couldn't stand for you to have that look on your face all the time like I did. I just need you to look at me and think that I'm normal; that you're normal. I just really need that from you. You should want that from yourself.
If you read this and like it, give it a like for me?
If you understand, i'm sorry. Stay strong friend.
May 2018 · 312
Just Another Suicide
Haylin May 2018
I fight the urge to slit my wrists every time I close my eyes.

Did you know that?

I'm so broken. No one wants me. I have good moments but oh my god I fantasize about bleeding to death on a cold night. Please god, I don't wan to fight this. I just want to die.
May 2018 · 351
Seven Ways to Suicide
Haylin May 2018
Razors;

Just one
slash on the skin
and enough
blood will gush out
then it’s finished
you’re free
and dead

Poison;

Easy, not
one sweat would
drip from your skin.
Just drink
nonstop—
don’t pause to
catch a breath
because you wouldn’t be
needing it.

Choking;

A lot effort,
but will definitely do.
You will need some
time with yourself
and only you.
Tie the most beautiful
knot you could do,
then hang yourself
like one of your
favorite clothes.

Pills to sleep;

One,
two,
three—
doesn’t matter how many.
Drink it all,
and you will fall
deep asleep
and wouldn’t feel it hurt.
It’s just like
overcoming a nightmare.

Intentional Accident;

Wander around
the dark, quiet highway.
Sit for a while and
maybe write a little.
Look around, say,
"I’ll miss you."
And then by now
maybe a car in a hurry
would hit you.

Drowning;

Oh, how calm the
sea looks like.
Would I bother its
sleeping time
if I jumped in it
and hugged it
tight?

Trigger, pistol, gunpowder;

Daddy had a pistol
hidden in his drawer.
He said he would use it
if some bad person
tries to burgle.
He only knows of
one kind of bad person.
He never suspected
he was living with one.
May 2018 · 1.1k
Anti-Suicide Letter
Haylin May 2018
Whether its because of your body,
your weight,
your "friends",
the way you dress,
your sexuality,
your family ,
or your surroundings...
You've asked to read this poem for a reason and that one reason is suicidal thoughts.
Well let me ask and tell you a few things before you lift up that blade, before you go searching through the strongest pills you can find, and before you tie a knot in that rope.
Don't.
You have so much to live for!
Think of at least one special person in your mind.
Got one?
Okay.
They mean a lot to you, right?
Imagine how they would feel.
Imagine if one day they thought
"hey why don't I check up on him/her?"
Then walked into your house and seen you lying there, pulseless with a note laid next to you.
Maybe that would make them do the same, maybe it would make them follow in your footsteps and go straight after you, just so they don't have to go through the misery of knowing they will never see you again for as long as they live.
Maybe they won't take there lives,
but maybe they could be close.
Maybe they could start off self harming,
then stop eating and then start to have sleepless nights,
and if they did sleep,
they'd cry for hours beforehand,
draining themselves out in order to sleep.
What would your parents think?
What if they weren't the reason you did it and they thought they were the main cause.
What if they couldn't take it and they split up and messed up the whole family?
What if your friends and family were still alive but their lives were filled with nothing but despair and each and every one of them felt like their souls were ripped from them the moment you left, like they weren't really alive at all?
That would make you sad, right?
Well what if you had a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Maybe for some people they're the only person there for you through this rough patch,
am I right?
Well how do you think they would feel?
After fighting with you through all of these deep and dark days and then all of a sudden you gave up without warning. Not only giving up on yourself but on them too. Maybe they don't feel exactly what you feel, or have the same depressing thoughts as you, but it's sure as hell just as soul destroying i'm sure.

Look at your body.
You think it's disgusting don't you?
Well it's not.
I'm positive that it's not.
Because male or female,
you're all beautiful in your own way.
I'm pretty sure I know at least one person who would **** to have your body and would be more than happy to show it to the world :)

See those scars?
Of course you do.
You look at them every day and it makes you want to cut more and more every time you look.
But you don't need to feel that way.
All those scars mean is that you're a tiger who has earned their stripes,
it shows that's you're strong and even though you may have wanted to burst that vein yesterday, you're still here
And those scars you made yesterday are an applause. An applause from us all that you never made it up there and you're still with us.
You may not be happy,
but that will change.

No this isn't in a style of a poem,
it's more of a cry for help.
Little do you know that reading all of your posts and for some people,
reading your thoughts and looking through pictures you've sent me hurts me so bad.
And I'm begging for it all to stop for you all.
I'm not going to say "I'm begging for you to stop", because I know how hard that is for you and you can't just you know...
Stop.
I know that.
So I'm going to help you.
For whoever feels like they're alone in this you're wrong,
that's all going to stop here.
I may only seem like some girl that just wants to help.
And maybe I am to a lot of you,
but some of you know that not only do I WANT to help,
but I CAN help.
Believe it or not, to some people I have made a difference in their lives and the things I have said to them have made an impact on them.
No matter how big or small...
I'm here for you.
You don't have to feel scared or alone anymore.

This is one of the many poems I will be writing,
this one,
as you will know,
covers body issues, scars and the affects on others due to suicide.
Before you take your life,
Just stop,
Just think,
If this really worth it?
Am I going to let this monster take over me and win?

.......


That was a trick question, of course you're not. You're not giving in that easily.
You're worth so much more than that.
To at least someone,
you mean everything.
Don't let go, it's too soon.
Listen here,
Im not judging you.
Im not judging on your past or present and i'm not planning on judging you in your future either (yes, you will have a future)
Just remember,
I care.
There is a light at the end of every tunnel and i'm willing to help each and every one of you find it.
I love you all, never forget.
If anyone seeks help and wants to talk, message me privately and we can talk on there or I will give you my number.
May 2018 · 321
In Moments of My Life
Haylin May 2018
In moments of my life
I lie, I do admit.
I try and guard my heart
with my rancor and my wit.

In moments of my life
I gave a piece of myself, for nothing in turn.
There's always another woman
for who a man's heart will yearn.

In moments of my life
I doubt I will have a one and all;
one who understands me
when I cut and when I crawl.

In moments of my life
I try and run from my fate.
Yet as I've found, with growing dread,
I'm already too late.
May 2018 · 321
Reality
Haylin May 2018
Reality
That stone cold word
That ***** out all your life

Reality
Is this world
With hunger, pain and strife

Reality
Is when you see
That beggar on the street

Reality
Is when you know
That you must admit defeat

Reality
Is death and loss
And not knowing what comes after

But Reality
Can be fun
And filled with joy and laughter

Reality
Is the time you spent
With everyone you love

Reality
Is lying down
And seeing the stars above

Reality
Is a perfect day
Where nothing seems amiss

Reality
Is your first love
Or marriage's sealing kiss

Reality
Is good and bad
Depending how you see it

Reality
Is what you want
If you just have the spirit
May 2018 · 179
Lies
Haylin May 2018
Lies are truths we wish
        to hear
Truths are lies we wish
        were real
May 2018 · 630
SOCIETY!
Haylin May 2018
Welcome to our society.
Where the teens are depressed,
And the students are stressed..
Where people will hate you,
For what you wear and your weight..
Where there's only *** no hugs,
And there is no candy just drugs..
Where we cut form an escape,
And the parents beat and ****...
Where laws forbid people of  being gay,
And everything is weary and grey...
So I hope you enjoy your visit with society,
Just try not to get depressed and anxiety..........
May 2018 · 469
One cut, Two Cut...
Haylin May 2018
One cut, two cut, three cut, four
Watch my blood spill on the floor
Five cut, six cut, seven cut, eight
Isn't this life just ******* great
Nine cut, ten
Here we go again

One cut, two cut, three cut, four
Sinking every day a little more
Five cut, six cut, seven cut, eight
Future is up to chance and fate
Nine cut, ten
This ****** up game I'll never win
May 2018 · 253
Red paint
Haylin May 2018
I will never be able to look at red paint the same way after that night

Okay story time. This may be triggering so don't say I didn't warn you. So one night after I threw away my blade I was falling and I wanted to cut. But as I didn't have a blade I couldn't so I grabbed a tube of red water color paint and I sorta faded out and when I came back I had red paint all over my arms and legs. With words painted on in black that read "if you knew how broken I was would you still love me?". So yeah that's my story.
May 2018 · 433
Cutting
Haylin May 2018
Cutting
Choose your spot
Cutting
Shine it nice
Cutting
Pretend your real
Cutting
Shed a tear
Cutting
Let the blade arrive
Cutting
Give direction
Cutting
Sigh your perfect sigh
Cutting
Show your shallow smile
Cutting
Bleed alone
Cutting
Die alone.....
May 2018 · 27.0k
Quickie
Haylin May 2018
I want to slide my fingers
out of my pockets
into your lap
in between your legs
and push your buttons
until your eyes roll back
into your head
and pass out and go to bed
May 2018 · 24.6k
Fingered
Haylin May 2018
The chemistry so intoxicating,
Lips wet your salavitating
Feeling your vibes
Your as wet
as wet gets
Lovin every second
Not a drip wasted
One finger placed-in,
Your breathing hasten
******* pacin
Your waist whining like the time I'm takin
grinding towards something amazin
A huge explosion in a tiny place;  your haven
You lost in ecstasy while we share the same space
Its only a matter of time before its written all over your face
May 2018 · 400
A Brief History Of Me
Haylin May 2018
I was born
I was happy
I started school
I made friends
New school
No friends - lonely
Change school again
Found old friends - happy again
Mother leaves - sad
Depression settles in
World spins
Self harm starts
World stops
Self hate grows
Eating disorder
Self harm worsens
People worry
I give up trying
Convinced to try again
Determined to right my wrongs
Start High school
No friends - lonely
Self harm comes back
Eating disorder returns
Ready to give up again
Wrote poem
My life so far.....
May 2018 · 223
Self hate
Haylin May 2018
Perhaps the reason I hate myself so much,
                        
                                                                 is not because I am a horrible person..

                        but because I have given my love to everyone else

                                                                                                                     and left none for myself..
May 2018 · 245
Self Hate
Haylin May 2018
You don't hate yourself
because of the
shape of your nose,
angle of your eyes,
length of your arms,
or size of your waist.

Your self hatred
runs so much deeper
than those things.
And
Your self worth
runs even deeper.
May 2018 · 232
Girl In the photograph
Haylin May 2018
Everyone thinks she’s beautiful
While she thinks she’s ugly
Everyone thinks she’s perfectly skinny
While she thinks she’s fat and
She’s always put a fake smile
Like in a photograph
Where a fake smile can hide a thousand tears
She’s the girl In the photograph
Her fake smile can hide a thousand tears
May 2018 · 29.6k
THE PUSSY WHISPERER
Haylin May 2018
in a low silky voice
he whispers ***** ***** *****

he's at the gym
not to far
in the tub
at the spa

come ***** dear
lets have lots a fun
and kiss a while
he licks you some

he loves you so
would you like a big mouse
he has one honey
and its not your spouse

a crazy boy
all over you
drinks you like wine
and eats you like stew

he's not about kids
and going to work
but he washes your dishes
and hes not a ****

***** perfume
the natural smell
don't hide it sweet girl
watch him swell

oh comb it pretty
loves hairy too
spread it like butter
hoochi coohi cooo

don't be shy
and open wide
coax out your ****
and feel the glide

hes the ***** whisperer
calling your soul
loving every fold
melting every hole

summer sweet fruit
hidden away
come on honey
let's dance and play

candy ****
and ***** pie
sweet juicy lush
down velvety thigh

he's got a nice one
its really cool
a big pink stick
that makes you drool

he's the ***** whisperer
calling in time
come hither my love
its not a crime*

meowwwww
Apr 2018 · 310
Father
Haylin Apr 2018
Under my bed,
I lay silent.
Hes in the other room,
drunk and violent.
He storms down the hall,
and busts down the door.
Liquor in hand,
it was thrown to the floor.
He calls out my name,
and I remain quiet,
under my bed,
I lay silent.
This has nothing to do with me. If this is happening to you though please call the domestic abuse line. 1-800-799-7233
1-800-787-3224
Apr 2018 · 213
Clumsy child (child abuse)
Haylin Apr 2018
Clumsy child,
Why so sad?
Did you make mom and dad mad?
Clumsy child,
What's up?
Did you spill over your sipping cup?
Clumsy child,
Get up,
Or was that beating enough?
Clumsy child,
Where are you now?
Another victim 6 feet down.
This is based on child abuse and how the signs are missed too often and social services aren't contacted soon enough. It's short to highlight that it can be over swiftly. Clumsy child implies the emotional strain and verbal abuse the victim endures with a dark innocence.
Apr 2018 · 405
Love is not abuse
Haylin Apr 2018
Why Mom?
Can I just ask, why?
What did I do to you to deserve this?
You say you love me but this is not love.
This is not love.
Love is not hitting me in the face.
Love is not hitting me anywhere.
Love is not yelling.
Love is not cruel words you say to me.
Love is not physical or emotional abuse.
Love is not alcohol.
Love is not drinking by yourself in your room.
Love is not drinking with people who use you.
Love is not putting alcohol above all.
Love is not putting alcohol before me.
Love is not supposed to create hate.
Love is not abuse.
Why, Mom?
I'm begging you to stop.
I'm on my hands and feet begging.
Please, Mom.
Stop drinking.
Something similar happened to me
Apr 2018 · 341
PTSD
Haylin Apr 2018
Polite
Typical
Smiley
Daughter

Pointlessly
Trusting
School
District

Professor
Turns-blind-eye
Struggling
Drastically

Packets
Turn-to
Stacks
Deficient

Panic Attacks
Turn-to
Self
Destruction

Pulling
Teeth
Sick
Design

Plan­­s
To
Stop
Discussing

Peace
To-her
Silence
Disturbs

People
Talked
She
Distracted

Passed
The
Snacks-to
Dinners

Pulled
The
Same
Dimensions

Pre-K
Then
Smaller
Didn't

Pause
Third-Grade
So
Dead

Parents
Though
She
Drowned

Piled
Thoughts
Suffocated-her
Dexterity

Patient
There
Suffering
Depression

Problems
To-many-to
Score
Dispute

Progress
That
Shockingly
Developed

Potentially
Taken-away-the
Suffering
Dramatically

Poor
Tiny
Sweet
Doll

Par­­t
Traumatized
Sleep
Deprived

Phobic
though
Sixth grade
Doesn't

Play
Though
Six-Years-of
Death

Until... The little girl, learned she had,
Post
Traumatic
Stress
Disorder
and, school treating her badly is only one of her three traumatizing events.
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