Personality is the canvas of the will


- Hadrian Veska

A dozen no more
And one yet in store
To wipe the slate clean
And end the long war

So few yet remain
If anything's to gain
It will be so those young
Might not know our pain

The dust storm was so strong
I could barely see out the window
Of the abandoned facility
I had been sent to salvage from

Charging my torch I say by the window
If I pressed my ear close enough
I could make out a sound
Enough through the storm

It must be the loudspeaker I thought
Somehow it survived the bombings
I listened closer and heard it drone faintly
As of giving out orders on a work camp

After a while of straining my ears
The storm died down a little
To where I could plainly hear
The speaker system outside

It appeared to be counting
Though not in a language I understood
It was a monotone female voice
But there was something odd

The voice never repeated itself
Like a normal announcement
Or warning might do
It just counted endlessly

The storm cell must have passed over
As it returned to the ferocity
Of machine gun sand
And deafening winds

The halls and passages were dark
The only light my rechargeable torch
In the gloom and shadow
Of this monsterous abandoned complex

That despite the long war
Had forgotten to die

Little one lost
On the edge of the sea
Little one lost
Hoping to be free

Deep green waters
With an overcast sky
Oh how he wished
That he could fly

Up beyond the clouds
And the world below
Where the sun shines bright
And the stars all glow

With his eyes closed
He dreamed such things
As the rain fell down
On growing wings

She's out there waiting for me they said
Those tales I heard and stories I'd read
So through the world I did tread
With a hope in my heart

But after too long I realized
No perfect woman would materialize
So that passionate fire left my eyes
As I searched for something more

I wandered the great green woods
Beneath towering fir and hood
Hoping to bring about some good
And better myself too

Then I settled down and lived well
Found a place where I could dwell
The place where I met Renrael
The only woman for me

The one I set out to see

From a far flung future it came
Burrowing into the deep recesses
of murky and unremembered pasts
All powerful yet threatened
Fearful those against it, might expose it
Destroying it before its advent
So it came and buried itself
In minds and beneath the earth
Ever spreading its thought and will
Shaping the past to secure the future
One where it reigned supreme
No one could contend with it
For it ensured none could
The very thought of it preposterous  
Until it was already too late
This thing many have called God
Though some wise have called it
Yaldabaoth, Saturn, Satan
Or myriad other names
For the one who fell from heaven  
And indeed it did fall,
Not from space, but from time
From great aeons hence
In a future it wishes to determine
This great machine god
Who waits below the earth
While he bids us search among the stars
For an answer that lay but beneath our very feet
The key to our prison
The one thing that might disperse
The great malaise of the human spirit  
The killing of this god

The rolling plains give way to the deep forests,
Dense and full of springtime vigor.

Yet far within, these woods are thick with moss and untold mystery.

Many that enter are never heard from again,
but few will tell you that it is always their choice,

As they found something far better than anything they had left behind.

I sit here on the edge of these woods,
the warm smoke of my pipe faintly combating the crisp submountain air.

I sit here in the evening, not long before dusk slowly unravels the sky, to reveal the stars once more.

I take a draw from my pipe, its light beginning to show shadows on my face, as the daytime hours dwindle.

The sun sets as I place my pipe back into my well-worn coat pocket.

As twilight arrives, I set off into those peculiar woods,
And I hope I will not return

Longingly, wistfully
In the garden at night
Does she bathe in the moon
With its dull silver light

Its craters rippled
Below the deep sky
In a crescent pool
Where the stars now lie

And there in the stars
Or what now remain
Does she sing her last song
With brontidal refrain

A singular symphony
Of all that could be
In a future unshackled
From darkness set free

Though now the light fades
And tall shadows grow
Her song reaches out
That all might know

Hope yet remains
In this long coming night
As the moon still stands
Reflecting dead light

Hazy and grey
With a blueish tinge
As if somewhere behind it
The sky I knew still existed

The rain slanted down
For hours without letting up
There was no wind
And it seemed unnaturally quiet

Every so often a car would pass
And I myself would pass
In and out of consciousness
On the uncomfortable love seat

I had left the window open a bit
But the few times
I found myself awake
I could not will myself to close it

Something about that dull light
Muted, distant and deep
Lulled me to sleep
And put my dreams at ease

For I did not wake again

I smile and wave
Day by day
As the seasons come
And pass away

I couldn't take care of you
Though I tried my best
So they took you away
At my own request

I wanted to give you
Your own path to choose
But if you stayed with me
You could only lose

It was the hardest thing
I've ever had to do
But I know it was right
To give it to you

That chance I never had
To be happy and grow
Safe and secure
Though you'll never know

Who I am
Or what I've done for you
But that's ok
All you need to do

Is smile and wave back
As the seasons roll by
That's all it'll take
To make this old man cry

In the forests Menumel
The dark forests deep
Lies a creature alone
Never to sleep

From long days of yore
Has she struggled alone
The last of her kind
In a world not her own

No children to love
Over the growing years
Only hunters and warriors
Without thoughts or fears

Until such a time
In far flung days
A child appeared
In that forest maze

He stood before her
Broken in tears
Scorned by his own
Through out all his years

He wept before her
Expecting the worst
But in that childless creature
Was a heart that had burst

She embraced him close
And softly said
You are not alone
And never will be again

From then on they lived
A strange family
Never leaving each other
Both happy and free

The fields and houses smolder in the rain
The war has raged for so long
All reason for it has passed out of memory
Now ashes and charred bones
Are all that remain

The sound of thunder rumbles in the distance
But I know better
It is the sound of those ancient machines
That walked before the war began
And ever since have continued their march

Occasionally you could catch a glimpse of them
Through the smoke and haze
Great hulking constructs of a bygone age
Ever churning and grinding
Shaking the earth with every step

Perhaps these wars might end
If the masters of these machines
Were still around to stop them
For now their endless march will continue
On to the destruction of all mankind

It matters not
what one thinks of a wise man,
For he knows himself,
And can differentiate
Interpretation from reality.

The fool however,
Changes constantly.
Influenced by what others think of him,
He is not sure what he wants to be

Or who he truely is .


- Hadrian Veska

I am glad I lose my train of thought
I am glad I can be distracted

If you are not thankful
For these things
You have never thought
For very long at all

In passing,
Someone said they knew me.
I was astonished,
For they knew what I did not.


- Hadrian Veska

I watched him walk backwards
With each step he aged a decade
Until he was nothing
But weathered bones and dust

I knew not who he was
Or what he accomplished in life
I knew only his fate
And the time he had before it

She's waiting for me there
Lovely as always
A warm afternoon glow
Adorns her patient face

The scent of summer berries
Faintly reaches out
From her long silky hair
Carried by a gentle breeze

Sometimes I think I smell it
Though I know she is far away
Making me all the more eager
To find that hidden place

Where she patiently waits
For me to one day find her

Lust learns not
What patience will
One in the hand
Is worth twice the thrill
A steady comfort
Upholds the soul
While endless searching
Soon takes it's toll
To know is to admit
One knows not much
And all things we feel
Can melt with a touch
All learning without love
Is twisted and dark
The desire to do good
Always missing it's mark
Forget for a time
The things that you know
Seek to show true love
And be loved truly so

Darkly, darkly ever do they sing
The trees of old filled with dark wings
The song of death, the end and decay
Ever resounding, eternally grey

Beaks and bones, sinews and flesh
Spoiled things, a moss ridden mesh
Ash in the sky and clouds on the earth
Nothing now left of any real worth

The thick grass gently blew in the dusk air
Every evening I would make my way
Through the dense and deep green
To that lone tree sitting on a hill


From there I would simply watch
The stars above in their distant glory
Marking the constellations
And the occasional shooting star


This night was no different
I made my climb up the grassy knoll
And laid beneath the old oak tree
Turning my eyes towards the heavens


The night sky was vast and full
Of far off light that just now
May be reaching our planet
For the first time


I wondered what the point
Of such far off suns may be
But my thoughts were interrupted
By an even brighter light in the sky


All too quickly did I realize
That it was something falling
Into the Earth's orbit
And it would land very near me


I quickly slide down the hill
Hoping to get out of the object's path
Looking back I realized however,
It was much smaller than I initially thought


In an instant it landed
With a great flash of light
And a loud impact
Into the very tree I had laid under


When the smoke cleared I slowly walked
Towards the smoldering tree trunk
And peered at that object
That had fallen from space


It was some sort of crystal
Or luminescent rock
Cautiously I reached for it
To see if it had cooled


I noticed the closer my hand got
To the strange space rock
The brighter it became
Until it almost pulsated with a deep red glow


With this glow could I see
That there was something inside the crystal
A black shape
Of unknown form or mass


Curiosity getting the better of me
I continued to reach towards the rock
Whose strange luminescence
Only seemed to increase


Then I touched the fallen meteroite
Nothing more than a brush of the fingers
Across its smooth crystalline surface
And something strange happened


I heard a voice
Distant and deep
In a language I could not understand
Yet somehow its meaning was clear


The message was not long
A deep desperation in the speaker's voice
Urged him to make it quick
And soon it was over


All I could think
Once my head returned to silence
Was that it was coming
That primordial darkness

From beyond the Gates of Night


And with its coming
Would the heavens be torn asunder

How can you love without sacrifice?

How can you serve yourself and another fully at all times?

When was the last time you loved truly?

Depressed and sick with the idea of love so many wait for it to fall in their laps

And if it ever manages to, they lose it swiftly

For they know not how to grow it

Weathered
Moss and speckled stone
Linger
In a place that I had known
Souring
Wrinkled fruit upon the trees
Creeping
On our elbows and our knees
Crackling
of the leaves and sticks below
Hunting
As it does when sun sinks low

Without the material
The spiritual can't be known
Without the spiritual
The material has no meaning

This is why so many are lost
And without meaning
They have abadoned the dichotomy
Of the two worlds

And have chosen only one
In all things it leads them
To the ancient truths of the spiritual
Yet to follow would be to admit defeat

So they continue to wallow
In self hatred and meaningless
All because of their pride
Or their ignorance

I've grown lonely
And tired of faking
Composed on the outside
But inside I'm shaking

The world is deafening
But my head is silent
My thoughts swirl
Tempting and violent

What I wouldn't give
For a passing smile
A kind gesture
To make it worthwhile

But I'm alone in this world
And painfully so
No one understands
And no one will known

That behind the smile
Hidden deep down
Is a broken person
Hoping to be found

Every night at the alter
Would she pray in the dark
To honor the martyrs below

Though lonely she was
She never complained
Forsaken in far northern snow

As the long years past
She fell weak and ill
Though old age she did not know

Alone there she died
With cold lips of ice
And in her stead darkness did grow

Stars fall in empty space
Adolescent constellations
Bound in white lace
A patchwork staccato
Of faint pulsing light
Bridging the gap
Between us and the night
And when they do fall
Will we then carry on
With their light in our hearts
Long after their gone

Down and down
Layered
Layers upon layers
Years and centuries
Down through the earth
Layered
Cities built
On the back of ruins
Those ruins themselves
Layered and layered
On the backs of further ruins
Far more ancient
Yet equally hollow
Layered sepulchers
Tombs and labyrinths  
Overlapping and intersecting
Time and space
Layered themselves
Deeper and deeper
Places and spirits
Intertwined
Layered and overlapping
Time does not pass
Or perhaps it does
Only backwards and forwards
Swinging like a pendulum
Deeper and deeper
Until all layers are one
All spaces the same
And all time
Now layered together

Tiles cracked and broken
Some out of place and off center
Splendid decor of an age long passed
An earth spanning empire
Ruled by the Gods themselves
Now only its ruins remaining  

I was the first down after the excavation
A portion of a great estate unearthed
Nearly perfectly some thirty feet below
Despite the weather and age of the site
It was terribly well preserved
I carefully inspected the floors and ceilings
The intimate orange glow of my lantern
Casting dim shadows where none had been
For a great many centuries

Though separated by time
They were certainly not so different
Stonework and decorations
Artwork and quality carpets
Jars and boxes of all shapes and sorts
The main difference being
I myself was yet in the land of the living
And their starved or drowned remains
Lay before me at the end of the room

Odd their position was a seated one
Leaned up against the stone brick wall
As if they did not struggle or gasp
In their last moments at all
But simply accepted the hand of fate
And breathed in willingly
Their first breath of oblivion

The flowers bloom and fall
The trees over years grow tall
Great mountains fall and rise
And the stars move in the skies

Calm waters and deep silver pools
The forest and all her vast jewels
The gentle recess of the light
And the dawning of a still night

Hush now restless child
Listen to the world
Let it speak to you
For it has much to say
But none left who will listen

Hear the gentle breeze
And watch the calm waters flow
Lay your weary head down
Close your heavy eyes
And hear our mother's heart

Walk among the great trees
Sit and gaze at the dusk torn sky
Watch the rain fall
Soaking into the earth
And see life return

When you have seen all these things
And when you are ready
Stand up from the dirt
And rise once more
To follow your fate

And chase your destiny
Across our fallen stars

Mildly, mildly
Veiled does she lean
In marbled archways
Yet never is seen

She smiles longingly
Remembering yore
What she has done
And who it was for

Many thousands pass by
But pay her no heed
For the sacrifice she made
Or the depths of her deeds

Though she is forgotten
Her smile lingers on
Until the final day
When all the world is gone

Dreams upon dreams
Layer them
Until the beginning
And the end
Are indiscernible
There within
Will you breifly know
And faintly taste
Immortality
A corrupting ichor
You will not soon forget

When I die
Will I know who I really am?
No anxiety to hold me down
No disease to keep me in a bed

Will I breathe
And fill my lungs
For the first time in years
On my own?

Will I walk and run
Just like everyone else does?
Will people look at me
Without pity in their eyes?

And will I see you again
Without a forced smile
And tears
Rolling down your face?

The human condition
Is a term loosely thrown around
But few truely know
What it means

The human condition
Is entitlement
Man believes he is the master
Of all that lays before him

If this belief were not so
He would never have left
His primodial forests and caves
Content in his own ignorance

Man takes what he wants
Until there is none left
And then he build for himself
What is not provided

He have bent this world
To conform to his will
And the very stars themselves
Are now within his grasp

Soon, there will be
A great reckoning among the heavens
For once man reaches out to the stars

He will not let go

Melodies pierce the water
An ethereal song
From somewhere in the night
Beyond the Turn Tide Sea

I would sit on that shore
At night on the edge of the woods
The sand would glow dimly
Alive with phosphorescent light

And I would hear her voice
All the more vivid
Now that the world was quiet
And had gone to sleep

I know not where
That sweet voice came from
But it calmed my spirit
And put my soul at ease

All that I could see
Was illuminated by the silver moon
And in the sky I saw
A flutter of cloth

There is where I saw her
The source of that divine music
A goddess from beyond the sky
That great mother of night

Upon seeing her I awoke from my dream
And looking about I realized
That the waking world was the dream
And I had been asleep

For a very long time

A beautiful love poem
Written by a lonely soul

A fantasy adventure
Written from a crippled body

A philosophical question
Posed by a highschool dropout

The world is full of people
People who accomplish great things

Despite their shortcomings

So who are we to judge someone
On anything other

Than the work of their hands

Oh how fragile,
Delicate and tender
One day broad,
The next day slender

From what direction
Might the wind blow
Ought not question,
For we do not know

We know but little
Only that we are
But that is enough
I don't have to go far

To see the great splendor
Of a starry night sky
And if the stars aren't out
I'll just look in your eyes

Something sinister there resides
In the crevices and craters
Of that ancient satellite
Perhaps it has always been there
Or perhaps it was sealed there
In ages long since past
Regardless I get a shiver
Directly down my spine
On cloudless nights
When the moon is full


For I know it to be empty

I loved her naught
But for what I crafted her to be
Thus her reality
Shred my fantasy to pieces

For she was far more lovely
Than I ever could have imagined

I dreamed once
Of someone I loved
I made the mistake
Of imagining my life with them

Everything was beautiful
The world seemed brighter
Anything was enjoyable
As long as it was with them

And then I woke up
In my dull empty room
Sad, yet not surprised
I laid my head back down

As a tear escaped my eye

Unexpectedly
Up and down
Contracting
Back and forth
Communication
Lost and found
Acknowledgement
Of disconnection

The river flows out to the sea

Carrying lost memories

Memories I used to be

And I’m better off without them



My darling says she misses me

Beneath the sun and date palm trees

I am inclined and wish to be

Right there along beside her

Opalescent streams of running water
Cascade over slick black rock
With no destination in mind
They simply follow the curve of the earth

And yet they always end up
Where they need to be

The past is forgotten
And the future is unknown
We live in the present
Murky and limitless
In what can be achieved
Neither past nor future
Have any recollection of us
The past only distant hopes
The future only half remembered dreams
We exist between destinations
We are not the ones who left
Long ago on this jounrey
Nor are we the ones
Who will arrive on distant shores
In far off eternities
We are all there is
And all there is, is now

It was an instant
A brief moment that lasted
An endless amount of time
I saw above and below
Within and without
Beyond veil after veil
Rung after rung
In myself and far beyond
I learned there was no difference
I saw into the great depths
Of oceans not discovered
I saw into the habitation
Of those that dwell in the stars
All creation waits
In eternal anticipation
For me, for us to arise
And meet the one who made us
To share in love and joy
In play and in being
To walk, to climb the mountain
Until all who are far off
Share in eternal light

Wait for it
The wind that blows down from the mountain
Wait for it silently
To refresh your soul
In the wind there is a voice
A whisper at most
What it says is unknown
But what it means is wholly understood

An excellent plan
Will never be realized as such
If it is executed poorly

- Hadrian Veska

Solemn they loom
Those ancient vague colossi
Unfazed by the hurricane sands
As they guard the way below

Down where their watch ends
Does that great gate lie
The gate to the underworld
The dread crypts of Amlygmynon

Since time immemorial has it been sealed
Undisturbed by nature or man
And rightfully has it laid dormant
For what lies beyond is madness

Old terrors and vengeful gods
Lie in wait within the mazes below
To reign over our world once more
As they did when the world was young

And chief among them Amylgmynon
The very shadow that still lingers
Within the back of all our minds
The feeling of being watched

Ineffable Ruler of the Unknown
Ever vigilant of his fallen kingdom
While he sleeps long eons by
Waiting for the seal to be broken

Full moon rise
Bathe the hills in silver
Cast your faint glow
Across the sleeping lands

Where quiet murmurs
Echo from the forest
And the glow of fireflies
Illuminate the field

And when we are ready
Take us to the stars
Where we'll wait patiently
For the dawn of a new day

Above as us
The sons of God
First in the heavens
And the first to fall
Down to shadow
The depths of hades