My tired eyes cry
My weary body lies
And why do my tears
Think they cannot dry?

Shaky hands and nervous throat
Exhausted heart, this stimulated soul
They ridiculously wait, day after day,
For a break from sorrow, a thing called hope.

How is it that I can live, but it is the hardest thing I ever did?

© Melissa Carlson 2016

When my battery dies
And you can't recall my voice
Just know I could've charged it
But it was you I thought of first

i wanted to write today
unburthen my soul as some may say
but the words didn’t come to the tip of my tongue
the way they usually do

In the hall, the wind opens and slams closed a door

i’m searching for something
i don’t know what
i’ll find distraction or insight or something sometimes
but it won’t be it because
how do you find something without knowing what you’re looking for?

Outside, the neighboring kids laugh and play hide and seek

the search won’t work with forced and false words
i’ll have to input my query again
this time, i'll wait for
Authenticity

The stars are in a rush
around my head
spinning me into woven glitter
turning my body into golden dust
my mind into the silvery beat
                                  of wings
and as I rise from my bed
I am buoyed up by a force
                 not my own
it is so intense
that my mind is blown
I can only look up and let it shine,
this feeling of wholeness
that must somehow be mine
must be from
         a heavenly dimension
such intense loving
a direct extension
of how I wish to see
the world and show its hues
to impart my emotion
and  let loose my muse
such freshness and slaking
of creative thirst
such loving acceptance
a light so bright it bursts
and I am left without proper
words, sentences attempt
               to roll off my lips
and instead, tiny flowers
just twirl off the tips
of my fingers, like smoke to the sky
a cornucopia of feelings
gets me so high
My body grows a garden
petals unfurl from my *******
night blooms flow from my hips
as hyacinths pound
            through my chest
Wisps of
animal instinct
curl up through my spine
which lets me connect
to energy divine
Surrounded by this
               celestial glow
encapsulated within
beatific precision
I let myself bathe in that love
and recharge my vision
this is stronger than the heat
                          of a gentle sun
For this is the beauty,
the power
of a tribe
become One

Regrets, I have so many.

I wish I'd told you how I really felt,
shared the feelings, and how deeply they dwellt.

In my heart, how much it burned,
to look into those eyes, oh how it yearned.

The quick, girlish, laugh, always so quick,
stung by its innocence, to my heart did it stick.

But seemingly now, all those things are gone,
the beautiful moments are all that live on.

I'll never forget Chicago, my dear,
never to find another - my deep, darkest fear.

For everyone, there's another one, it's said,
But the loss of my one - gives me lasting dread.

I must go on alone, without that sweet girl,
leaving everything gray, in such a muted lonely world.

On the shores of Lake Michigan, where you're found now,
Like the waves rolling inward, I'll find a way...Somehow.

Hush. . . no one must know
That I am at war with my own mind.
No one must know
That I am fighting a losing battle,
Stuck in a brain that wants me dead.

For how long I can keep it up
Only God knows.
But I will probably be dead
Before anyone even begins to wonder.
But hush. . . no one must know.

"The hands that hold together the words, "Self" & "Love" are only as tight as the strength that you give them."