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 May 2017 Mr Himel
re
the lost part
 May 2017 Mr Himel
re
i woke up
5 am as usual
my mind was open slowly

i awoke
still the same
but
it was like
my eyes couldn't really open
was i still dreaming?
what did i dream about?
nothing

felt different
couldn't feel my feet
the feet that i used to walk you
step by step

couldn't touch my shoulders
the shoulders that you used to
fall back down

couldn't move my fingers
the fingers that you used to touch
and play

but wait

i could still lick my lips
that we used to kiss
imagined it could happen again
 May 2017 Mr Himel
Camilla Green
I used to breathe in at the sight of you
Excitement, enticement
A gasp of joy, a flash of euphoria
But now I breathe out whenever I see you
A sigh of longing, a breath of regret
The ardent warmth from my lungs
Turned twisted frost in your arctic air
 May 2017 Mr Himel
Camilla Green
When sad sorrow shines bright and hope is dim,
liberation is sought by troubled souls
who tumble too close to the fatal brim
of a cliff where faith sinks beyond control.
'Cross the horiz'n there's a glint of gold gates
where calm waters wait among the smooth stones.
In the sound of the world, this is the place:
a solace for souls and rest for the bones.
Where flashing lies turn to soft gentle eyes
as their dreams are cradled by omniscient trees,
healing waters flow through the wish-filled skies,
and those once weary sing strong in the breeze.
This must be the place where dull shadows shine
and even dreaded darkness dares to dream.
 May 2017 Mr Himel
Camilla Green
DRAFT
All that glisters is not gold. 7
(To) Those who think not: let it be told. 8
Take heed the lessons I could not grasp, 9
And perhaps your gilt chains might just unclasp. 10

End:
i realized it was (but) the the blind who told me I could not see;
For I slid off my contacts, and saw the same (aureate) world...







I had begun to look upon [] with shame, pity, and disgrace
Angelic _ _ threads no longer etched in his face
The silver lining is gone, gray and rust take its place


Now when I look upon him, 'tis not a look of love, but of pity, shame, and disgrace, because I killed him and made him a prince maybe

I created a world where the rust washed away
Crumbling as easily as freshly fallen snow
The same icy snow that melts into the hearts of the crown's next fallen victim




The sword drops from my hand as I lay in defeat

But the earth never took me as one of its own
My skin and my flesh stood fast on my bones

I laid there and cried for what seemed like a million tears
But even the purest water(add: ,the purest apology,the purest regret) from the depths of my soul could never let the earth take me
My eternal love for you, it will never let me go




Time after time, day after day
Pondering life as it all turns to gray
The leaves and the sky stay the same, always_ _
I laid all alone yet I never did fade.

Time after time, day after day,
I laid all alone waiting for something to change



As I pass though the graveyard I stop and I smile
A flower is laid on an old marble grave
The words on the stone were ones I had known very well
A familiar stone etching of words once carved in my heart
"An ephemeral limerance, ceased at long last"
 May 2017 Mr Himel
Camilla Green
lasT night I dreamt;                                          that goldfish~ turned toxic,,,
biolum-inescence meant only"    radiation                              every ardent drop i poured out                           from the well deeeeeeep in My <Heart3
was met with swe||ing contamination                                        
        and algae-rusted  gi//s      i tried s0 hard I did!!!! to
save them: My Hands s-                          
-shhakking I begged please,     , please but                                          
suddenly the (moon)            got so much green....er
and somehow_i  could only think of               
                  ?you
 May 2017 Mr Himel
Camilla Green
i fall in love with everyone
and my lips are never chapped
  so now i eat cinnamon toast
   and i paint the sun
    with blackberry juice
 May 2017 Mr Himel
carissa
everyone has a secret, a simple fact they don't
want anyone to know. some strange some long,
some crazy, some little. everyone had a secret,
so easy to yell, to break that spell of curiosity,
turned to hell. everyone has secrets of lost and tell.
idk
 May 2017 Mr Himel
carissa
I was caught in your gaze again
one that if you trace I look away.
a gaze that no one caught except my heart,
oh how my heart skips a beat then races to
catch up. how your smile lifts me up when my tears
drown me out. oh how your words comfort me even
when they aren't to me at all. how your gaze that i'm still
stuck in a maze, until you meet and smile till the next day
ill stick like this for a while.
i love him and don't know what to say.... help
 May 2017 Mr Himel
carissa
whore...
 May 2017 Mr Himel
carissa
I cried aloud, a single word filled my head like it had never done before.
breathing felt like touching a open wound, like the one I had sewn into myself.
My head was filled with thoughts that anyone sane would burn
like the scrapbooks of someone dead, because once you're gone who needs your thoughts? I had wondered what they would do if they heard that that day shook me so?
Would they reconsider saying those hurtful things? Would they do it more to try to **** me even more than my spirit has already allowed? I was cold to the touch and even someone I loved didn't notice everyone asked if I was okay but didn't stick around for a truthful answer because sometimes the truth is too unbearable to take... sometimes I write about a boy, or a dream, today I write how i feel how I felt and how I am torn from what felt like a rose turned to a thorn, by a word burned into my skin to a crisp.
but after all my thoughts consumed me until I could not write, I wept until I ran out of tears, I sweat from the nightmares that consumed my sleep I once desperately wanted.
a dream the haunted me even tonight to the point writing doesn't help me I still feel like like a paper cut that no one sees till blood is spilled like the blood pouring from my sinks in my dreams like the slits in my wrist and the pills in my diet and the steel from a bullet that i taste when i wake... I wish I had time for the voices l held inside for so long.
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