Deep within
where none else goes

the hard grief grows
and just when you think

you are moving on a bit
it comes back

with the painful hit
moving you back

to yesteryears
which move to tears

the little boy
the growing lad

young man
grown man

and deep loved son
all wrapped up in one

big bundle of memories
unfolding and moving

and having moved
to edge of hurt and pain

the whirlpool
of all emotions spin

in that secret chamber
deep within

where none else goes
the deep grief grows

When we make little cracks in the stained glass window
It means we’re away for the moment
Caught up in the yellow frost
It came over us
We are not angels
I try to rise above the madness
We are not the answer
We are out of the picture
Everybody wants it
Everybody can reach it
Come out and touch me
Forget how you lived once before
Give and get forevermore
We are the proof in the pudding
We are the bigger picture

       -Tommy Johnson

Paint me in your favorite  colors
Because what your eyes see is what's beautiful in me
so would you keep looking
when I'm happy when I'm sad when I'm mad
Just keep looking at me

and paint me in your favorite colors ..

I wanted to love every space
and every missing piece -
I wanted to see.

From the moment your
warm hands held mine
I felt safe, and I knew
this would be more.

I needed to know every
wonderful secret
every dark thought,
I wanted to know you.

To stick my fingers in
the little gaps of your
soul, I wanted to feel
everything you felt.

I wanted you to feel whole.

I desire to know every
dark nightmare,
the smell of blood
still thick in your mind.

Every dream and
every regret
I wanted to feel it all.

But-
I hesitate.

I need you to know
the love I've felt
and hidden,
for your sake.

I wanted to gently mend
every flaw you saw
in yourself, I wanted
to make life beautiful.

To let you in?
I wanted to try. I wanted to feel.

I wanted to be there to share
when the demons come breathing
down your neck and every sick
thought stalks your head.

I wanted you there when the
tears wouldn't stop
or couldn't start and
I wanted to catch all of yours.

But you feel I've done wrong.
Pain that ripped through my core
and begged me to scream out
every truth I've concealed-
terrified because my love is so deep
yet I never bothered to reveal.

I wanted to tell you
but the words are so heavy and
emotions so real.
Someday I'll tell you.

War in my mind as real
as the war you have seen.
Silence leaves me wondering
if you would fight for me.

I would fight.
I will fight.
I will fight for your love
until I can't fight any more.

I fell in love with you
that was my first mistake.

Empathy that shook my core
I wanted to feel all you felt.
I wanted you to feel what I felt.
(Because I knew you felt it, too.)

I wanted to give myself
until there was nothing left.
I wanted you to love me.