My feelings are unresolved
Im flustered with the facts of reality.
There is no one to blame,
just the unlucky deck that life has handed us.

We had to part for reasons
beyond our control.

But that doesn’t ease me.
I can't be mad at you.
I can’t say you were bad.
I can’t say you were distant.
I can’t say anything,
because it wasn’t your fault
and it wasn’t mine.

It was the place,
the time,
it was everything
but us.

+

You made me feel comfortable,
you made me feel safe,
you made me feel loved,
even in the short time we had.

You understood me better than most did
and I cherish that.
No one understands me,
but you made sense of my nonsense.

There are more words to say but not enough time
and not enough lines

So for now
I’ll sadly say
Goodbye, until next time.

- S.C.S.

It pushes me
Back and forth
Putting me on a whirlwind
Filled with so many emotions

You can catch me with feelings
of love
Or feelings
of sadness

It can drop me into feelings
Of anger
Or feeling
Of joy

I can feel so many things
For a certain amount of times.
But I will always know this.
The wind is always changing
and that I will not stay in those feelings
I will stay in those places

I will always be moving with time.

Oh, love.
I revisit the idea of you
over and over.
How you have made my life so much better
and so much worse.

I keep thinking you are the key.
You are the thing keeping me from being happy and
if I finally catch you.
I will be happy.

But I am starting to think that
you have caused more sadness instead.
But maybe that is your purpose?

Maybe the lack of happiness in my life
is something else.

I have lived my life drowning
in fantasies so that I could hide from
the world.

Now that I’ve come back to this world and
tried to enjoy what it has to offer me.
I can’t help but roll my eyes of boredom.

A static feeling of un-enthusiasm  
and standard pleasantries.

this world isn’t the same
as the one that goes inside my head.

That one is filled with adventure
and promise.

I crave something with meaning.

But the closest I can get is my writing
and re-enacting stories already told.

I'm struggling to find purpose and meaning
I wonder if I will
I wonder.

A field of colors laid before our eyes.
This serene countryside
filled with so many new possibilities.

Happiness filled our hearts.
He turned to me and looked at me with those hazel eyes
that enchanted me so long ago and said,

"Sometimes you will get the chance to see a landscape so simple, yet so alluring and filled with beauty,
that it fills you with such a sense of hope."

"The fields of flowers filled with bashful greens
flaming with different shades of reds and pinks
working in harmony with the sun's rays."

"It makes you think that this world is precious,
and our future will be golden."
He grabbed my hand and smiled,
and pulled me towards our field of hope.

Darkness take me into your beautiful arms
Lay me to rest, tuck me in as a mother would.
Kiss my forehead and whisper to me a false sense of hope.

Let your lies curl up around me like a blanket
that keeps me warm.
It is so cold outside. Don’t let me be cold.

Throw more lumber into the fire, please.
Do not let it go out.
I’m not sure what you would do if all the light would go out.

I’m not sure if I can trust you;
however, you’re all that I have
and it’s become so incredibly hard to do it myself.

It’s growing dark.
My lips are trembling, my teeth chattering.
Would you please put more lumber into the fire?

Frigid winds pushed up against my car,
and then I saw you come inside.
Those chestnut eyes
that had been gone for so long.
My enraged thoughts
were quickly unraveled
because just a simple moment with you
was worth a thousand days.

But, the feelings didn't last very long.

The car swiftly became a space filled
with words that were never said
and words that would always be dismaying.
All I wanted was to understand
but that wasn't a part of your plan.

I wanted you to come back for more
then just an obligatory visit.

Why couldn't you come back?

For now, though, we'll drive to my house
filled with laughter and lies.

See? I'm smiling.
We're doing fine.