We stand side by side
on the corner of
the road.
I watch you smoke
your cigarette-- you
**** in and blow.
It begins to rain; I
check the time on
my phone,
And I say to you,
"Matty, I want to go home."
You ask, "Why, babe? Did I
make you upset?"
I reply, "No, but I am
getting wet."
You give me a smile,
take off and hand me
your jacket.
"Matty, don't you need this?"
"Nah, baby. Have it."
So we stand side by side
at the end of the
street,
With my head on your shoulder
and your arm
around me.

HAPPY 41ST BIRTHDAY MIKEY!!!!! :)

i can't focus
i'm stuck in a room with you
and whatever i do
seems to speak to you
i can't think
i'm inside your skin
and although i try harder
i can't seem to win

i can't get out of it
can't get out of this hole
that's 6 feet deep
and taking my soul
her name is piper
and she's not a fighter
and neither am i
but i have to try for her

she's not as pretty
as funny or witty
but she's someone
that says she likes me
she's not a poet
or anything close to it
but at least she holds me
when i'm so lonely

she stays in my head
or lying in my bed
shows me things
i never thought
i wanted
to see
and
she calls me things
that at any other time
would make me cry
but somehow
it's nice
to be told
what i am
by her

how do i tell her
everything is wrong
this is wrong
this is so so wrong
i'm so wrong

summer rain comes again
with the pained cry of someone
who isn't quite me.
summer rain comes again
where white meets gray
and lies are true.

static love
isn't love at all.
and i'm not sure
if i could trust you
if i were to fall.

with a single touch
the flowers beneath my skin
unearth and uproot.
with a single cut
i can easily erase
each and every mistake
that i've ever made.

the girls locker room
me and you
the hallway and the doorway
and the picnic blanket in the breeze

blood on my knees
spit on my cheek
collarbone markings
from your teeth

show up after class
not the same as the last
you're high and i'm low
is this the way
it's gonna go?

sober makes me
feel heavier than
underneath that "man"
one whole year ago

now we dance
in the pitch black
dark of the locker room
you're grabbing for me
and i'm fumbling for you

falling on the ground
i don't see anything
but i feel your breath
as you ask
"what's next?"

and i don't know.

she was the picture of death
before anyone else knew it

i am trying so hard to fall in love with life.
with dewdrops and frost on trees. wild little animals living their wild little lives. i want to accept its imperfections. to reach the point where i can accept that world is unimaginably large, and we are all individuals with our own lives, thoughts, and actions. we all breathe. we all sleep. we post on social media, look at others, and wonder how accurate it is to them and their lives. i want to accept that i will never be in someone else's mind, listening in on every fleeting thought. i want to accept that some people are just mean. they exist on this earth full of misery & dissatisfaction with their own lives. reckless. maybe they're just bored. lonely. who knows? who cares? i want to be able to think "who cares?" and truly believe it.
i want to fall in love with the soft light of the evening, spilling lazily across counters and walls. i want to enjoy early mornings and explore abandoned buildings, making up scenarios that could have taken place there years before. i want to find happiness in the tiniest things. old bookstores, pharmacies in the late hours, hints of smiles on the subway from a collectively eavesdropped joke.
we may all be specks compared to the universe, but i want to believe that i can create my own meaning to life. work, bills, politics. they are so minuscule when it comes down to it all. life isn't just some aesthetic, i know. there will be days that make it seem not worth living the rest of mine, but i want to want to push through it. if i decide to grow old, i don't want any regrets. only nostalgia. not what could have been, but what was.