It's so weird to say this, I feel like a terrible person. I can't promise that I won't feel shame, regret or fear, writing this, but I just want to be able to feel this way to you for a minute. I wanna hold you, shout at you, and scream in your face how pathetic you are, but I can't. I get that you feel bad sometimes, but I know you aren't depressed. You self-diagnose yourself with everything you can imagine. Not liking to talk to people isn't "exteme social anxiety." Feeling sad sometimes isn't "Depression and suicidal thoughts." Cutting the tips of your fingers once a month isn't "Before someone finds me dead in my room." And I get you want to make something beautiful out of the things you feel, but sadness isn't beautiful. You are misusing these things I feel, to create something. I get that you 'Want to feel, and be a part of this.' But you aren't. You keep complaining about how bad you feel. You shut up when you 'Almost commited suïcide.' but as soon as you get a single feeling that is not hapiness, you push it onto me. You drag me down because you feel all this terrible stuff. And I know you don't mean it wrong, but I'm so tired of having to feel this way too. That boy, you know, T, he made sure we all paid for his feelings. I ran after him for 3 miles, to stop him from taking the train to Hadestown. I don't wanna chase after you. I get that you haven't figured out your sexuality yet, and that you're confused. I get that you haven't figured out your gender yet. But I know you aren't pangender, or genderfluid. I just know. You always seek attention from me, and when I don't give it, you become 'sad' again. You're so pathetic, and words can't describe the hate I feel sometimes
Sorry, but you can't go on this way.
I feel so disgusting for writing this.