Emotional ground undermined
   without a warning...
      no trembling earth
      no animals evacuating

I must have unintentionally fed
   the natural frequency of my support.
It rocked to music and unfinished memories
   until it failed me.

Dropped like a stone...long fall...hard landing.
Dark down there...Don't think I'll venture that way again.

It was one of those mornings
where you peer out your bottom floor window,
and look up at the raindrops freshly fallen.

You feel broken,
and yet rushed with an unexplainable emotion.
but you know it’s a good one simply with a bad aftertaste.

You see people everyday, no, you stare at them.
You wish for relationships you once had.
Others you wish you could hold,
and those you could never give up.

Have you ever heard the saying about faking a smile?
It’s an understatement.
It’s not sadness, or anger really, just pain.

It doesn't start out as pain, it just evolves, over time.
The madness results in Emotionally caused Physical pain.
The pain doesn't hurt, it just...sits.

This emotion that we've nicknamed pain, rushes through the body,
Arms numbs, legs shaking, eyes holding back, everything.
It’s all caused from sight, with a drop of longing.

You see this person everyday.
You long for the same people every single day.
And your body just longs for them.

It’s not as lustful as it sounds.
You just possess an attraction to these people.
An attraction that even the most specific and descriptive of words could not describe.

You sit there and you are bound by society’s lock on intermingling.
You are bound by the mock and disgust of others.
You are bound by that person of which you desire.
You are bound simply by yourself.

All this.
All of this Emotion, if you will, was bound in that little drop that clings to the window.
That was but a drop of what I feel every single day.

You can’t imagine
but don't let me sound as if I am exaggerating.
For I am not.

I have felt wonderful things.
Things I am not sure most of you have felt.
Though I wish you could.

I wish I could place my hand on your chest
I wish that all of that energy, that emotion, would flow into you and then back into me.
I could look into your eyes, and I would know, that you know, how I feel.

You could understand everything.
You could sympathise.
but the fact of the matter is, you simply can’t.

I do not believe you have felt what I have felt too, no.
Different version and variations, yes.
But this feeling of impossibility, I know you have not felt.

You are common rebel,
this is not bad, no not at all,
you have more opportunities to release this emotion than I ever will.

And i envy you. All of you. Every Last one.

You look away from the rain drops.
You go back to living.
You go back to hiding.
You go back to solitude.

Yeah, it was just one of those mornings I guess.

If hell is engulfed in fire
as bright as the sun,
And heaven is lit
by a divine light,
Then I shall die with sunglasses.

I have always yearned
to make music
maybe
I just don't have any music to make
Simply so much to say
but no courage to converse it
in need of beats and melodies
to camouflage
the vulnerability
that I present with my words

When I say I want things back to normal
I mean I want my safe haven to be in your arms
The left side of your bed I proudly claimed
My memories of you crowd my mind
But hearing your name aloud makes me sick
There's no arguing with you
This isn't ours anymore
Your decision was made
Lets face it, you weren't planning on including me in your future
Some things are out of your hands
I'll stay my distance
But the demons of your past won't be so kind
I thought by now I would be happy
What's keeping me going if you're not mine by the end of the day?
Not much
The cold reality drives my emotionless person on autopilot
I keep going
I don't love you any less than before
I don't hurt any less than when your decision was made
The blood still pulses at the same pulse
How does such a dull, deceased, hopeless situation mature and change?
Does the dead ever grow?

I placed my gaze dangerously on the abyss.
I didn't jump.
Instead I pondered it.
"Nobody understands." I thought.
I felt the anxiety and sadness to its full force.
I let the curiosity of no return overwhelm me.
I suddenly felt such a passion and love for the life within me.
Where did such a love come from?
All the time leading up to this I'd felt it wither away and now,
when I decide I'm done with it, it comes back.
I've been cheated.
My own heart tells my mind lies.
Are they not friends?
Other people can let go; free fall. Not me.
Though many times I've convinced myself I would jump, I was lying.
Though many times I've convinced myself that I was over you, I was once again lying.
In previous dreams this would be the part where I would back away from the ledge; I'd reel you in.
Only this time, you showed up and pushed me over the edge.
Everything was different now.
Forever?
I had wanted this, hadn't I?
The sad part is that even though you caused this suicide to be a ******, I will forgive you.

no, i am
not in love with you
you - however that word may be
defined
you:
one; anyone; people in general: a tiny animal you can't even see
you you you oh, you
who has been buried under the blanket of time
you, who i no longer
see

the term
out of sight, out of mind has never
applied to me
but i do believe
you can stay in love with a memory
long after a person
has chosen to
flee

no, i am
not in love with you
but i still look at your pictures
to remind myself that i was once very close
to someone extraordinary
as i know you are, still
even though you are no longer
anywhere remotely close
to me.