Do you ever feel guilty?
for the scars you left?
for the missing pieces of me
I gave to complete you?
pieces that never quite fit
never quite enough
does it keep you up at night?
do your nightmares wear my face?
can you still hear me
screaming
does it echo in your head like a storm?
does it break your heart,
knowing you broke mine?
do you ever cry for the days you stole from me?
days, months, years
too much time spent fixing a ghost
demon, soul eater, blood drinker
if you saw the bruises you left on my trust
like ink stains, messy and spreading
every lie and every ******* harsh word
and yet you refused to hear me
screaming
I died for you once, burnt like a forest
now growing back without you

may you never find shade underneath me
or feel the soft soil brace your step
may you dream about the shrieking wind
and I'll no longer be dreaming
of you

A dead whale washes up upon my beach
With sand in my eyes I climb inside her carcass
And sit silent inside her corpse
Riding the decay unto the shores of a new world
Beached and rotten we find land green with life
The trees are slender and birds sing
I emerge from the death, growing wings
Here is my rebirth
Straight from the rot.

A laugh that pierces the air like bullets
And just as deadly as the lead torpedoes
Finding their way into my chest
Burrowing into my heart

the words spill out of me
like running water or flowing sand
running endless through my fingers
gushing and trickling with no end
all this spilled ink straight from my wrists
leaking out from my veins, where it ebbs
just under my skin, dancing always
it says that I am the ocean
and nobody owns me
my words are my own, like my lungs
which are filled with salt water
and more spilling ink
the words will burn away my blood
I will be made up of only beautiful things
and only beautiful things will I be

Its not about
The miles you've walked
Its about the road
You've had
To tread

When I was a kid
And still, sometimes
In the rain, or the dark
Even standing in a sunbeam,
I would imagine my skin
Dripping like paint on canvas
The bones beneath turning to dust
carried away on a small breeze
It sounds silly, i know
I wanted to be so much more
I wanted the light to get in

I like colour,
I like light
I like the purity
Of dancing in the sun
Knowing
This warmth is the thaw
Of the unending cold
The world is trying to encase
My heart in

When Eve plucked golden apple
From supple branch
Her lip curled in sly smile
As Adam looked on, fearful
Teeth rending forbidden fruit
Tasting like wrath and every secret God had ever kept
When those juices dribbled from her chin
Turning to blood beneath her forked tongue
She knew she could set Eden to blaze
Leave smouldering ash where beauty once dwelt
Snake winding up her thigh
Tongue slipping to taste hellfire
Every story ends with her
With woman
With a smile that torches the world

I am sinking again
I am scared of the monsters
And their weight on the bed
The way they curl around me
Trail fingers over my skin
Leave tar black oil in their wake
And still make me shiver
I can feel their kisses on my spine
Each one a glancing dagger wound
And still I arch my back for them
Their tongues are on the inside of my thighs
Teeth bruising and sharp at my skin
They are making a wound out of me
In the dark I am toyed with
By the curling malice of them
Sleeping with my sorrows
******* all my fears
I beg to be destroyed
Just once more

I have always thought myself some small part wolf
Not for teeth nor fur, mine are not so long as that
And before you laugh, not for tail either,
Maybe for my strong legs, but no
I am not wolf like you think of wolf
I only share in one thing, bask in it
Wolf and I, and our moon. How we love her
In the way that only wolves and women can
I was born under her, too. Her sign.
Mother called me moonchild, told me my eyes
Though brown as the dirt below me
Held all the light that reflected from her body
She is, to me, the anchor I tie my nights to
I reach to her the way the tides do; ceaselessly
Strange to think something so far
Can be held so close inside me
But I look at her and think of magic
Of spreading my arms and soaking up whatever brightness she can give
And when I look at her, when she is full-bellied
Joyous and content in her inky kingdom
I feel more wolf than girl
The music playing in my ears is still music
But it is also howling, echoing inside and out of me
Would that I could sing like they do,
Hoping that my small voice could carry to her
How lucky the stars to have that blessing
But still, she sets and takes my heart with her
And I nod at the sun and tilt my face into her gold beauty
But it is only a warm thing, only heat
There is no magic in her light for me
No music
And me, still, not even wolf
Not Hers enough to sing and be heard
Not enough of the Earth to plant roots elsewhere
Caught, as the tides are
As only wolves and women know how to be

Yours is the face I see
when I am in fear

Yours is the grip I feel
around my small throat

Yours is the mark left on me
By strong fists and a temper

Mine is the last breath gone
Mine is the life you took.

the pages of this book creak
like aging and thin bones
we read the story of us
all faded lettering and
dusted paper
the novel falls neatly shut
with a soft thud
and a small whimper
into the fire now,
with the pictures
and the past
the flames eat my heart away