I think when I first saw you,
I swallowed you like my anti depressant pills,
and you settled into my stomach.
When I first saw you,
A thousand seconds in time wrapped themselves in silk,
And became cocoons of memories.
Turning into butterflies,
they fly around in my chest.
When I see your smile,
when I hear your laugh,
when I remember the stars in your eyes.
When I first saw you,
I wanted to breathe in all of the air of the earth.
Because you...
You took my breath away.
When I first saw you,
I wanted to live.
For the first time in my life..
I wanted to  live.
But minutes turned to seconds on our pocket watches,
and you sat on the hillside of my insides with a gun.
You sat there and shot down all my butterflies.
And now..
I don't want to live.
And I don't want to love.
I want to die.
You took love from me.
You stamped at it with your feet like cigarette ashes but I'm still burning.
You grabbed me by my throat and whispered,
"I love you."
And as you left me there dying,
with my last breath I apologized for getting blood on your coat.

I fall in love much too fast.
I try to appreciate people.
I've been hurt in the past,
But not all are evil.

I give them all the best of me,
Right out from the start.
I am a loving person,
Eager to give out my heart.

I find you here in waiting,
As if it's perfect that I've come along,
We begin to flirt and speak of dating,
And we enjoy the familiar song.

We speak of moments,
In warm embrace,
Our huddled warmth,
Held face to face,
A kiss on the lips from me to you,
Something pure, something true.
Something with a deeper meaning,
Something finally right on Que.

But when I finally open up,
You weren't ready to fill my cup.
Now I sit, in cold despair,
And I regret, the empty chair.
The one once held by someone true,
Who changed and changed as we grew.
How I long for those old days,
When my hopes were more than flames.

The first thing I see in the morning is your bright, soothing smile that leaves me dazzled and lost.
Whenever you are speaking to me, I can't help but look into your eyes. The mystery that they hold, oh my, my mind is studying, I am figuring out and my soul is dying know...it's sad to think I'll never know what you're thinking of me.
Whenever I am at one of your hotspots, my eyes search for you, and when they find you, sometimes I don't realize that I wasn't actually breathing. Even now as I type and remembered this moment I am finding it hard to breathe...
But then I stop and think to myself, Is my mind playing tricks on me? Or is it me who doesn't seem to understand you?

Were you to cross the world, my dear,
  To work or love or fight,
I could be calm and wistful here,
  And close my eyes at night.

It were a sweet and gallant pain
  To be a sea apart;
But, oh, to have you down the lane
  Is bitter to my heart.

Sometimes I like to be alone,
Being alone excuses you from
Following social norms,
Of feeling judged for every little thing
You do right,
Or wrong.
You are no longer under the watchful
Eye of society;
You are free.

Loneliness by choices is a very different
Matter than from those times
Where you feel completely alone
In a sea of people.
Another benefit of being alone:
You do not feel alone.
It is an active choice of removing
Yourself
From those around you.
It avoids feeling rejected, unwanted,
Intruding on the wonderful,
Golden world of the accepted.
Instead you can have your own
Perfectly and selectively chosen
Party of you.

Here you are number one.
You are the best
At everything and anything.
You are the strongest, prettiest, fastest, smartest.
But you are also the worst.
The weakest, ugliest, slowest, dumbest.
But maybe it’s worth being the worst
If it means you can be the best,
Too.

In the real world,
There are always people better than
You.
There are always people worse than
You.
But in the real world, it is hard to feel
The best at anything,
While feeling the worst is,
Almost,
Natural.
That is why I prefer to be alone.
I encourage you to join me,
But not to actually join me,
For my party of one is full.
But you are welcome to reap the
Benefits of being utterly alone
Somewhere far away from me,
Where I am spared of your judgments,
And you of mine.
Together we can live in bliss,
Separately and
Alone.

you left.
and apparently that left me with more problems than I'd like to admit.
you left.
and my walls are so high that sometimes I don't even know what is happening in my own mind.
you left.
and now I'm terrified. I'm scared. but mostly, I'm sccared.
you left.
and I can't let anyone in. I can't believe anyone would even waste their time having a conversation with me.
you left.
and now everything anyone tells me is a lie.
you left.
and I don't think I will ever be able to fully trust another male again.
you left.
and I wish you didn't take my trust with you. because there are some people that deserve my trust so much more than you do.
you left.
and now I believe everyone else will, too.