I wish i could write a song as good as yours , I wish i could tell a tale of lovers passed. Mine is more never had one. Those Ex's weren't even real. I lost my train of thought again thinking bout you and home made apple pie and ice cream. How i wish this song would make sense because my true love was always pie , apple, peaches, pumpkin pie. I like hanging out  and remembering of what never was  just late at night and my pillow and Jesus. talking to the saints and hope they would talk back and say something , something good and maybe the sweet smell of pumpkin pie and ice cream.  Here is one then:

I remember I first met you and you had it all down. you walked passed me in a red sweater. I wonder if you still have that. Not really I have never wondered that. All the pain of a lip pierced through rushes through my veins. Your suppose to be my best friend.  We had great nights with the kids your sister let us baby sit and now there all so grown. If only we had a red truck and it was Christmas time and we were shopping for a tree in some woodsy state like Oregon ad then and that starry night it began to snow and maybe it glistened, but that never happened Instead we had a green truck and the more we got older the lesser of life we had even though we spent it together almost all the time. What I remember now is that we smoked and drank coffee liquor like nothing. Your favorite thing to act and dance, I always thought it was to much. You opened my eyes to see how important it is to let people be themselves. It was to late for that then. My heart is still wounded that i don't see you anymore but its better his way. God knows. I don't know.

Is it me? Am I the problem? I expect so much attention and love and I cant get any, I speak with haste and say words that offend by speaking facts. Your a *** head! Arnt you not? Facts. **** effects mental clarity doesn't it not? Your pushing me out. Im unshackling now. God grant me the strength to endure codependency. If it is time to go, then let me be graceful about it. Let me love the ones who hate me just like you loved. Im not super human like you, my resentments **** me slowly. Let me find my way again. F#$% being lost in this dessert for 41 years, let me see the promise land. Forgive my sins please.

I am so over it all. The car, The haunted apartment. These ghost wont cross over. I wish they would wash the dishes, can these ghost help pay rent and sweep and mop! I hope there able to read this because **** its enough dealing with the live ones here.

Someone telling me that someone is dating a Millionaire, was not intentional to hurt me but maybe, I don't know all that well. I swear there has to be a sweet revenge for me after learning this. I am not hurt this feels like I am ramping up for some big success, because I know that I won't stand for that. I do not want to give anyone any credit for making me feel a certain way. This year I felt pretty ugly. I do not want to feel ugly no more so I am intentionally making my self beautiful by getting a hair a cut and dressing nice. I am surrounding my self with what  I love and putting God first.