I am alone
earned
an ergo an'
to-wit
acceptance
of resistant
confusion
in conclusion
thoughtless
here of you
can you feel it
the disregard
the absence
of concern for you
the hallmark
of this ending

don’t hurt
my feelings

they are
so small

and fragile

they are
all I have

inside me
I don’t want

to be empty
so please

I am asking
nicely

you see me
I can feel it

a disturbance
growing

like a ****

creating a
new form

you see me
I can feel it

a desire
growing

like a flower

wanting to
change me

making me
want to change

if I shave a
bit off my brain

will I be normal
will I see less

will I be shallow

and be satisfied
with small talk

will I carry less
weight

and ask less
questions

if I was not me
would you tell me

would you recognize
the difference

do you know me
well enough

have you thought
about me

enough

so that I live
deep within you

do you have a
model of me

living inside you

if I was not me
would you notice

you're close to me
but I'm not close to you

guess we're feeling different kinds of love

every time you call
you call to talk to yourself
I sit in the background

I wonder what's it like to have a real friend

"I'm just tired."                                                          ­              Tired of trying, 
"I'm just tired."                                                          ­              Tired of crying.

"I'm just tired."                                                          ­             Tired of smiling,  
"I'm just tired."                                                          ­               Tired of dying.

"I'm fine, just tired."                                                        Tired of saying fine,
"I'm fine, just tired."                                      When I'm way beyond that line.

"I'm fine, just tired."                                              Tired of fighting my mind,
"I'm fine, just tired."                                             Tired of always being kind. 

"I'm ok."                                                             ­              Tired of the faking, 
"I'm ok."                                                             ­            Tired of the shaking.

"I'm ok."                                                             ­               Tired of forgiving,
"I'm not ok!"                                                             ­              Tired of living.

SNOW FALLS

She wakes to a morning
with no reason for living

cries in the mirror
to be forgiven.

Puts on her make-up
takes off her clothes

sits there & bleeds
until she can’t feel

the blood in her veins
...runs cold.

The cat cries
to be fed.

The batteries in her Walkman
go dead.

The Rachmaninov stops.

A letter she will never read
drops on the Welcome mat.

A mobile rings & rings &...stops.

A member of a minor political party
looking for her vote

rings the doorbell twice
slips on the ice    &   ruins his coat.

Curses.

A man laughs at another man’s joke.
It’s a big laugh...he’s a big bloke.

Laughter invades the square.

There’s a chill in the air.

A friend calls for her
(to go on a blind date)  

...she doesn’t hear.

Snow...
...snow...
...snow falls.

I LIKE TO SAY YOUR NAME

I like to say
your name

when you're
not here

turn you
into sound

conjure you out of
thin air

so that you appear
before me

dressed in sound
only

memory sketching in
the rest of you

as if sound
was just an outline

and love
colours you in

adding the voice last
so I can hear you say.

"Hello you..!"
and there you are

as present
as present

can be.

I like to say
your name

when you're
not there.