i am lost
and losing
everything

i dont want to lose you
but it always feels like i am

it's in the stars
i cant help but be
emotional and moody and weird
it's just my zodiac
(definitely not the emotional stress of the last few weeks
crashing down on me all at once like what?)

it feels like you came with the cold
like suddenly you fell from the autumn sky
and warmed me up inside.
i wanted you for your fiery red
before i found myself like an addict,
craving you at the most inopportune times
craving your comfort
like a warm sweater in december.
i love you without the all sugar on top
even bitter and dry and burning my tongue
coating my throat until i choke
with tears on my cheeks.
i wanted you before i knew what it meant
but even after
you hold my mind hostage
keeping me breathing and warm.

i could never live without you.
not at all.

empty
staring
lifeless eyes
motionless
plastic
full of lies