I thought I was in love with an angry boy

my mother always told me never to allow someone
into your heart who talks about how quickly his fists can move

never love someone who strikes
then listens

I know girls who will take a backhand
if it is followed by a kiss

But the second time you tried to put your hands on me
I moved and let your body slam onto the table

I am worth more than bruises
and your claiming of an endless love

haven't you ever heard
Actions are worth more than words?

i don't even have to date you
I'd just like to be friends who kiss sometimes
is that okay

my heart still beats faster when you wear your hair down
and even when you wear your hair up
and even when you look like you'd rather not wear your hair at all
I still think you're one of the most lovely humans alive

a couple days ago
i tried to **** myself
by ingesting a handful of
different pretty pills
in the hopes
they'd make me
a pretty corpse
i thought maybe
they'd plant roots
in my stomach
and grow flowers
out of my eye sockets
but then i realized
those pretty pills
would ****
not only me
but the ones who already
saw flowers growing
in the darkest parts
of me

I.** The day I realized
That you were out there
Almost within my reach again

II. The day you proposed
And we ditched school to
Celebrate

III. The day we first kissed
And my heart jumped so hard
In my chest that I actually jumped

IV. The day we went to Newport
And I cried because my love
Overwhelmed me with my desire
To one day be your wife

V. The last day we had together,
Despite the ending it was still
My favorite birthday because I had you,
My favorite person in one of mt favorite places

VI. The day we spent in Warren
And it was nearly 100° and we
Had like three dollars that we spent
On candy and freshly made soda

VII. The day we first made love
Nervous and new and yet still
So worth while

VIII. The day we bunked
And you told me you loved me
For the first time in our relationship
And my heart broke free from my chains
And I said that I loved you too

IX. The day we met to kiss
After so long and we talked for
An hour instead before I finally kissed you
And the magic of your lips once again
Made my heart flutter

X. The day, just any day
That we spent at home together
Laying in bed, cuddled up
And made love and cooked
And watched TV together
And we were free and we,
We were happy.