I guess I was just crazy because I didn't have a problem with my wild brown hair, brown eyes, and brown skin. I didn't have a problem with who I was at all. I think what's worse than hating yourself is liking what you see in the mirror and wondering why no one else does.

I would say that you don't notice me,

but it seems to me you do.

It's just that you're a stranger to me,

as I am to you.


l.r.

Stop thinking about tomorrow
Stop thinking about yesterday
Stop stressing
Don't beat yourself up something that wasn't your fault
That part when your voice cracked was probably no big deal
Get over that speech you have to make
No one is going to remember what you said or what you did
It might sound harsh
But you are a tiny grain of sand on a beach miles long

My mother should be an author
She carves her soul into millions of pieces
Leaving it behind all of the family photos
When I see my mother
I see a woman
Who wants to hide her soul in a needle
Just so the screaming can stop in her mind,
These bottles are rattling in the living room
You see they have put shackles on her heart,
She can't love anymore
Without having ***** in her water bottle.

Where is she hiding her beer?
I feel like my mother is giving me a scavenger hunt
From the shards of glass that were left on the baseball fields
My mother used to take me to.

You know she always wasn't like this
She was strong minded and had a big heart
Tonight I will tell you the story of a woman
Who lost her soul to the Keystones to the Miller Lites
To the ****** Mary’s.
Let's rewind time
See ******* the soul in ten years

10- I look into my mother's eyes and I start to cry
Because I'm looking at a woman who I don't know anymore

9- I refused to bail her out of jail again
Because I'm afraid her kidney will fail if she drinks again

8- My mother staggered into the theater and disrupted the whole play,
My cast mates turned to me and asked, isn't that your mother?

7- I had to hold my mothers hand
Because she was throwing up the cocktail of drugs and alcohol

6- Daddy had to get mom out of jail she was drinking again

5- My mother throws the bottle across the room
And told me the reason why she drinks is because I'm Autistic

4- My mother overslept for my piano recital,
I didn't think it was a big deal
But I remember she spent the whole night crying
With a wine glass in her hand.

3- Mommy I didn't know your prescription came in a needle

2- Mommy the prescription say 2 pills a day
why are you taking 6?

1- My mother went to the doctor
Found out that she has Rheumatoid Arthritis
I don't know what that means,
But I know she will still be strong right?

0- She took me to a Dodger game for my birthday.
I remember Sammy Sosa hitting a home run that game
She told me that the only person that can **** your soul is yourself

My mouth is a confessional
a forgive me father for i have sinned
lips locked tight, secret keeper.
Words split, splatter the inside of my cheeks
and they slide, jagged down my throat

and lips don't meet collarbones,
and skin doesn't meet skin,
and my body is drenched in my own fingerprints
because my arms are covered in goosebumps
and i'm screaming THIS IS NOT ME
inside my head

i will never be bold, *****, beautiful enough for you
your experiences will far surpass mine,
I dig my fingernails in between my lips,
they creak open like the door to a dusty room...
I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH

i am stuck in my own skin

when people ask me if we like eachother
I reply back and say
"no we're just friends"
but I tend to think different because the other night:
when you were drunk,
you told me how you thought my laugh was perfect
and that whenever I do
it makes you smile
and how my smile lights up any room I walk into
when you were drunk,
you told me how you loved my eyes
and how they change from brown to green
you got mad at your friend who tried talking to me
and kept saying to him
"No she's mine"
People say that the truth comes out when you're drunk
I just wish you could say these things sober.
Whenever I bring up another boy,
you pretend like you don't care
but I can tell by the way your tone changes
and how you look at me like I've said the worst possible thing I could.
I don't think you realize
that if you said you wanted to be with me
I would drop anyone for you
but then I remember
"we're just friends"