I try to tell myself
That sometimes good people
Do bad things
But the black and white dictates
That I am a bad person
Trying to escape
Justice.

I want to believe
That we are more nuanced
And more sophisticated
Than binary decisions
But maybe I deserve
To suffer for my actions,
For hurting you.

I want to reach out
And do everything in my power
To right this wrong
And set this straight
But can I be redeemed
After all this?

We must be more
Than the sum of our mistakes,
Or at least I tell that to myself
While I stop the world
And change.

I know you'd say
"Be happy with all you have"
And emphazie gratitude;
Just focus on the positive,
As if that will make the pain
Disappear.

I know I should
Think abouthow lucky I was
To meet you;
Think about how amazing it is
To have such a great support,
To have such a strong beginning.

But today my heart aches
With loss, with grief,
Over everything I gave up
To get here.
Today, I just need you to let me
Feel the heartbreak.

How is it
You can still have so much control
Half my life later?

You should have been
A blip on my radar
A ****** month
Maybe a ****** year
But here we are
16 years later
And I can still be brought to tears
By your name.

When you died,
I thought I put you to rest.
I was finally at peace
And you couldn't hurt me
Anymore.

I moved away
And left every memory behind.
And still, you sneak up
Behind me
In the middle of a dark alley
And terrorize me
From my mind.

How do I get away
From my own thoughts?

The loneliest
I ever felt
Was laying beside you
Day in and day out
And not knowing
Who I was.

When I left,
I found strength
In being alone.
I challenged myself
In ways you never could
And embraced who I am,
At last.

Loneliness was never
About being alone
But I sure felt it
When you held me.

Maybe that just means
Moving on
Was just what I needed
To do.

It is a load
Off my shoulders
To sit back
And explore myself
While knowing
You will stand
By my side.

I need room
To stumble,
To fall,
To discover it all
But I need you beside me
To catch me
Every now and again.

I am finally in a place
Where I am free
To discover all I am
And all I can be
And I choose to share that
All with you.

I used to make it
My job
To make you feel better.

Your happiness
Was riding on my shoulder
And a bad day
Meant I failed.

But happiness
Can only be found
Within you.

Happiness
Cannot be forced
From the outside in.

Instead,
I will support you
And love you
Through the good and bad
But you have to meet me
Half way
If you want me
To stay.

I can't promise you forever.

Forever
is a time frame
that cannot be quantified.

I no longer make promises
that are
impossible to keep.

I can promise you
my now;
my tomorrow;
my heart.

I can promise you
my truth;
my love;
myself.

I promise you
today.