my eyes are raw
and sting
from the constant blotting
of deep
and soulful
resurrections of emotions,

perhaps I would feel better
If I stopped trying to hide them.

My eyes alit with fire as I spoke
sensing it come up my throat
and dance to the tip of my tongue,
it quivered and wavered
seconds from bursting
but when I opened my mouth it lay

                still

Knowing it was not yet time,

and so it remains,

on the tip of my tongue.

Where did the artist go?
Not even she knows.
Is it depression that suppresses
those lifelong idealics
of stage and acrylics?

Has she broken from her cocoon
                                                       -too soon
still blind
to what she has become?

The artist wanders but does not wonder
The artist works but does not create
She nods her head but does not sway
She feels but does not write
She remembers the things she's supposed to want to do
but does nothing
                nothing
                nothing

the artist has gone,
she knows not where,
perhaps she refuses, this question, to ponder
for fear of learning
the artist has gone,
and shall not return.

white sheets on thigh
can't move too high
blinds closed-shut out the sun
can't tell me our night is done
white sheets on thigh
can't move too high
drunk eyes can't tear-away from your face
   this     is    the     good     place

I can't breath
too close to me
beauty it hurts
it hurls the oxygen
I can't breath
too close to me
everything I'll never be
ice cold babe
devour the weak
you are made of stars
I am made of dust
irrelevancy
suffocating
lock the door
in the morning I'll freeze
CryoBabes don't talk
to Povys like me

I wrote no poems,
then I wrote them all at once,
falling into the satisfaction
diving into the acceptance
that he is all I could ever want
all I could ever need
all I had never dared ask for,
My heart was quiet,
then it shouted and sang all at once
it asked to be with him
it asked to deserve him
it promised to treasure him,
and all at once
quickly
deeply
I was encased
in unwavering loyalty and adoration
and I would not
deny it.

Baby I want to live forever,
I know you do too,
Pipe dreams we can't let go of
Doesn't mean you can't give me your love

I'll do my best as long as I can
layers of my skin in the trash can
pieces of my nose
where only rats go
if this is how I keep you
I will slice right through where the doctor drew
forget about my birthday
I'll be 19 forever
Starvation is the only way
to give you immortality-however
none of it is real
and you know that deep inside
so after all I have denied
distorted and betide
lost every inch of my pride
you will cast me aside
and everything I deride
will have died
knowing
if I stay alive
again again again
I'll continue to try
and with every attempt
I'll lose all content
take one more knife
and decide
it'd be best
if I died.