you passed by
like a hurricane
a tsunami following your wake,
you turned my world upside
I had no choice
but to go along for the ride,
so much happened
I thought
it must have been years
but it was only a second
that you passed me by,
in a whirlwind
so fast
so driven
you didn't notice
I slipped my heart into your pocket,
and you kept on going
leaving me behind,
forgetting...
I know not where you have gone,
but I wonder
if you ever took your hands off the beast of life
and dared to relax them in your pocket,
if you would find my heart there, still,
or perhaps it fell out
tumbled down into the bush
on one of your adventures,
lost forever,
it hurts
it hurts so bad
that you have my heart
but I do not blame you
for not giving yours in return
no,
for you didn't know I gave you mine,
to blame you would be unfair,
so I shan't tell you of the tears I've cried
from my loss
my pining
no I do not blame you
for not returning a love
you don't know begs returning.

At it's finest,

love

is a double edged sword.

Keys
Ivory fingers
pale poised
passing promptly
across the keys
of the loneliest sounding instrument.
Cold little bones
pressing
precisely picked notes.
Eyes closed
as the music carries,
for I learned this song
when I was just a little girl,
a song of loneliness
of heart ache
I learned this tune
because I lost the will
to say
   I am unhappy
   I have been used
   I long for your love
   Tell me I'm not all that my mind thinks I am
   How long shall I play this song?
Ivory fingers
pressing poorly
pastored keys
the song ages with me
it becomes slower and slower
and lighter and lighter
as the will to press the keys
as the will to express anything at all
slowly fades away
with my surrounding's discouragements,
     *how much longer will I play this song?

I asked him
how many others
he said 81
because of course
I only had the courage
to ask him in a dream
but in the dream
I leapt from the bed
I ran out the door
and cried in the dirt trails by his house
waking with a start
unsure if it really happened
knowing it HAD to happen
I had to ask that question
and stop leaving myself
letting my tears roll into the sheets
as I clutch his warm naked body
stop fooling my self
c'mon girl
you know you're nothing special
just a tight young thing
his thing
and no matter how much you daydream
it'll never be more
so stop the ******* dream
you tiresome little kid
this is real life
people are animals
and not everybody has a heart of gold
let your tears wash away
the ideas
of how you think the world works
because baby
you see the bruises on your heart
it'll only get worse from here
so pucker up butter cup
don't let yourself turn into a ****
because you want to convince yourself
fairytales are real
and the nightmares
could never be based off reality
but you got to stand up
ask that **** question
you know you won't like the answer
but you have to stop this nagging painful
atrocious
feeding frenzy
destroying you like cancer.
be brave,
and get that **** answer.

I grind my teeth,
this head ache never leaves,
I brush my teeth and the water runs a shocking red,
i bit into a banana today
and the bite marks were red,
my mouth keeps on bleeding
this pain is killing me
but I can't seem to stop
grinding my teeth

I have always loved
the winged beasts,
graceful,
powerful,
fiery,
that dwell in the mountains,
who horde gold
and beautiful women,
aware
of their power,
their enchantment.

It's no wonder, really,
that I fell instantly for you,
it's no mystery
why my heart pangs for your touch,
you graceful, powerful beast,
escaping society on your adventures
through the mountains,
you've got the gold
and no problem getting a beautiful woman
because you are aware
of your power
and enchantment.

You are a rare find,
you are the oldest fairytale,
you are
what has always been,
my fantasy.

It doesn't matter
how many layers
I put on,
this bed still feels
too cold to sleep
when you're not lying next to me