Bogged down
by envy
of girls
***** dancing
with drink in hand
those kids
who go to parties
so much confidence
and careless zest
dancing the night away
even the most unexpected people
get a kiss
get to experience a form of togetherness
reminiscent of a cliche teenage movie
and no matter how much
I'd like to go
to see what it's like
show a different side of myself
I know deep down
I don't belong there.

I didn't eat for three days
so I could be lovely
like Yolandi Visser who's above me
if I don't eat meat
will there be extra room on my seat?
for adventures- oh
I wanna live like louis
cause you're so aw
and I'm so ew
should be the other way around
but I'm bowin on the ground
you a she-ra
he-ra
no ska
hip-hop double dutch
south paw
fighting like a gang from the hood
grew up on the rough streets
of GV
oh Jeez
so tough
smoke ****
post a pic of my blunt
love to hunt
'cause I'm so cool
be jealous of me
and my shirt that say skee
****** with the fuckbois
guys,
I think I need to grow up
haha
jk
messin with the sub
tellin my mom to shut up
I smell like shtub
ugh
I'm so oppressed right now
white privelage is hard
I'm a smart teen
marred
as an ignorant delinquent
teeth clinquant-
I can be eloquent
but I'm treated like an infant
so frequent
I act like a miscreant
nobody seems to understand
I don't even think I do
get that lotion 'way from me
gotta get tanned-
uh
dya see my abbs
dya see me ***
I'm a piece of meat
rare and raw
with seasoning
dress code
don't tell me otherwise
underneath american skies
it's all about your size
supersize the food
downsize your weight
keep it down
keep it low
till gravity
brings you crashing down
in a geneva gown
close-rubbin-
gap thighs
'cause it's
mcm
wcw
tbt
to when I did fbf
anacronyms
I don't even know how to spell it
what a ****
bathroom wall vandalism
"fat *****"
haha
so gangsta
so tough
I have it so rough
middle class white kid
you've got to be kidding me
praise cthulu
giant squid.
meme
2k15
ah

I want to light a thousand torches
to guide his way.
I want to lasso the moon
so no matter the darkness
he has a light.
but he is my moon,
he is my light,
so I can't be his.
I can't be his last match
I can't be the wind
that pushes the clouds from the sun
I can't be his cup of tea
on a rainy day
or shade on a sunny day,
I can't be the one that makes him happy.
when my only happiness comes from him
I can't be the girl
to make him smile
or wake up every morning thankful.
I want to be the hand,
forever stretched out
ready to pull him up
if he falls,
but I can't.
I can't.

He is the sun
bringing life
and laughter
and warmth
he is the moon
that lights
my black world
and pulls in
the cooling tides

Boys talk of the best legs
hair
lips
and body
specific to each
that palpitates their ferocious hearts
and it makes me weep
for I confess
facing mirror
I have none of these,
not an inch of me
there is none to speak of
or dote on.
The girls shame boys
for objectifying them
but oh
what I would give
to be objectified
just once
treat me like meat
treat me like I could yet be desired
for that is all I want,
love
and desire
and objectification.

my heart it beats fast
tries to move
tries to fly
far away
from what makes it heavy

I need an anchor
a lover
make it calm
make it easy

I need someone to keep it still
hold it down
lift the weight
that makes skittish

let it know
it doesn't have to beat so fast
to stay alive.