I don’t care about wearing ruins,
there are plenty of ruins in waiting;

I have enjoyed falling.

Do you think the sunflowers will grow high
that one day they might
touch the concrete
in the garden— they stopped growing
i will chop them up
they bleed red blood into the sky

Humans do not learn to weave
cocoons while they transform
You will watch the pupa, under
Begging be not prey

It is the most obvious meta
phor, but who would not want to meta
morph into a lepidopteran?

Humans do not learn to wreath
cocoons of keeping light
But who would not want to let
light wreaeth your mass?

It is the most obvious com
posure, but who would not want to com
plete biological closure?

Humans do not learn to wean
pain when they apply
complex pictures of the body
to the aging mind

It is the most obvious trans
ition, but who would not want to trans
late, rather than never?

I had said there is nothing so big
in the lake of stars. Its bedding,
a leap of logic weaved of dreadful-
hundred undiscoverable facts
passing itself off as that smaller thing:
our known universe,
Cvoa the Worm
each is one tooth to another
hanging form. Gone, adorn
skies that sit unsame is:
Cvoa the Worm
Bathysphere suns explode at the chance
that heat from the self will pass over
Its skin, bending forth, and setting.
I had said there is nothing so fathomably It

Red rock green eyes reacted like coteries to a river delta,
Careening and laughing out with powerful winding lines
Blood vessels lost in the Everglades,
Or a Nine Dragon whisper; focus, foaming,
Breathing dust-gone blacks on a pupil moat

Trust me that the rain will dry
And everything that you see will cease becoming mud
Instead, fire will wet around the boats
Bells will fold bubbles, bronze, telling stories
Summer becoming summer when you blink, crushing fir trees into fossils

Crushing conifery into fossils— velvet
Velvet! Soaking the top of the sky,
And everything, and mountainbacks;
Your face tests a complex blue
Green answers back into floodwater hue

Red rock … blood along the tear duct, fell out
Something known— like a thought, or a revelation, creating
More of you than the eyes would ever break
Shorelines tossed along in their horrific distance
Great serpents gouging out the sun,

And I can no longer look at you
Red rock green eyes drenched, skipping across the collapse
Mimicking an umbrella bird, like puffs of smoke and clouds, and survival instinct
So hideous to me. I was in love with you
We saw bright colors together— bright feathers— and speaking cliffaces

Was my gaze so coveted that it keeps
Castles collapsed into their moats?
Tribes collapsing into the most basic of parts?
Forests without the meeting of roots?
A rainbow of rivers, diverged into soot?

Color without compassion— red rock glimpses into disaster
Bereaving and faster and faster the current collects
Green eyes lost in the ******,
Or the end of the world; always thinking
You couldn’t possibly leave a trace in the water

I am a crystal
Barely, I glow
But I glow;
I glow in blue

I can’t help think
The dark is brutal
Yet stays the light
My hues and like
Won’t pass its strait
Arrested Celestine;
I wait

Baby moths are landing
rarely onto my faces making
their delicacy all the more
apparent between visits,
and no visits

I am breasting
I cleave and grow
Yet I grow;
I grow in blue

I can’t help think
The edge of sight
Within its black
Will so attack
My fragile, opaque
Arrested Celestine;
I wait

The first month I budded,
understanding nothing much,
there was still an understanding
that I existed at the stage
Where all these other crystal weaves
had succeeded at first,
making, in the cave, definitions of me

Later, I felt the pressure of ten tonnes
of Earth beckon behind us to move
And that was at least instinctual,
and I moved very slowly
for a few decades

I am a crystal
Bearing and I bloom
Don’t watch me bloom;
I bloom in blue

I can’t help think
The way is brutal
Where neither fight,
Nor flight is quite
Applicable to
Arrested Celestine;
I wait

One confining night (or day)
you responded that you loved me too,
and echoes of that scared the dark
It was very sudden then, the light
that threatens so to shake me loose
I caught myself shining, and I think
I shined in pink

I am Celestine
Making me blue
And I glow;
I glow in blue

I can’t help think
The few breaths I see
Baby moths take
Makes me make
Willing faces
That bounce more light;
I wait

A half day later you found me
growing up. By chance, I’m the
smallest formation, sticking out
There is no sky but the air
is discovering along beside you
My glowing blue suddenly relevant,
there’s felt hands along the cave
until baby moths are scared into
corners where my color shines through

Arrested Celestine
Is making me blue
but I shine;
I shine in pink

I can’t help think
The dark is brutal
So scares the light
The more it’s like
You love me too
Brightest Celestine;
I make

Baby moths were growing
up around my monitor taKing
heat away from the dark areas
still glowing arUund our boxes—
and ghost boxes

ThE first month I met youu,
reading you completely wrong
was right before frayed July
collapsEd the year on us where,
while I looped solens mekanik—
loved at what litttle of me existed
and sleeped aT the sun,

LatEr we set boundaries,
and learned a ٭small٭ amount
more about each other
Being trans is ٭really٭
alll we haVe in common

One confining nigHt I panicked
over the pictures of you in my
mind coMmitting into drapery
about a mantis—⠀⠀⠀all the hearts
⠀⠀⠀⠀ are pink or blue—
so that after you said ٭suicide٭ I
hallucinated calling you, but with-
out the simple yes / no / please I
need to push through even more
inteNse knots,
I don’t

Another night, in palous September,
I had told you her name after she laughed
that moths can’t breathe inside air
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀  (which shocked me because
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀the only moths I’ve ever liked
lived inside)
I grieved for both of us
After sEveral days of specIfic secrecy,
about hours before and after I
aagain was going to call you—
this time outsiDe of dreaming
the roboTic ways we would hug

A half day laTer you catch me
waking up. By chance, it’s the year
my immovable nightmares move,
but you’re saying
you cut yourself and ran away
My feelingS no longer relevant,
there’s felt pauses between
stares of saying nothing,
but you want to know anyway

Baby moths are testing
quick dances upon my face
Very suddenly I wanted to say
I love you
I don’t know youu and that may be
neither realistic, nor prudent(???)
But, June, I had already tried
٭here’s a suicide hotline٭
for my owN peace of mindd
and forgoing sleep to fever dRead

And I love you
wouldn’t mean anything
For some reason, I’m sure