She's smiling, but she's hiding.
Every girl is like the moon,
Parts are almost always hidden.
I learn those parts first,
and just watch the rest.

**-N.C.

What ever happened
to the Idea of Freedom of Religion?
What ever happened to religious equality?
I want it back? I'm begging for it to come back.

I sometimes get strange looks
when I admit that I accept all religions EQUALLY
that I would let a Jehovah witness into my home
just so I could learn about their faith.
That I find Catholic sermons tearfully beautiful
That One of my pen pals is Mormon.

People find me strange, they find me fake.
"How can you love them all equally?"
"how can you accept them all?"
It's quite simple really. This is my answer.

What right do I have to Bash what others think?
What right do I have to say
"No your god doesn't exist"?
I wouldn't want people to do that to me and my faith
so Why should I go out and do it to theirs?
There's this thing call FREEDOM of RELIGION
and I stand firm and believe it whole heartily

We all have the right to believe in what we believe in
And no one i mean
NO ONE
has the right to take that away!

Nothing I do is good enough
It feels like I am a punching bag for them
Yell at me, pick on me, critic me
tear me down go ahead
When I fight back to defend myself I get
"You just have to get the last word don't you?"

Well here I am getting the last word
I"M SORRY!!!!!!

I'm sorry I'm not good enough
I'm sorry I don't do what you like
I'm sorry I'm me and not who you want me to be
I'm sorry I don't fit into you're world perfectly

This is who I am I'm not going to change
Are you going to love me less?
I'm terrified you will....
I'm terrified you'll throw me away
toss me aside and give up on me

Please don't I'm begging you.
I promise I'll be better
I promise I will be a good girl
Just don't give up on me
Please stop yelling at me

You may not care, or think I'm being dramatic
But it hurts me when you do,
Your words and you're yelling
your nit picking and criticising
They tear me down and shred my self conscious

I've got enough stuff to worry about
I don't need you pileling on top of it
I love you Mama But you keep tearing me down,
I don't know what else to do or say

so Here is my last word
**I'M SORRY!!!

My Dreams go up in Flames
as the Ashes dance around in the breeze
Crimson runs down my face
as I cry out for all the things I'll never do.

Gone are the hopes Of Grander things to come
Scattering into the breeze mixing in with the Ash
to make a dull grizzly Paint that cakes onto my heart

Red with rust the ideas I use to Have
add it into the mix
My heart bleeds with what i have lost.

An Empty shell is what I have become

Listen here you ****
Just because you're so "macho"
you're so "Tough"
doesn't mean I have to be.

Just because when you get hurt
you **** it up and don't get help
doesn't mean I'm a weakling
because I went to get help.

Stop with the snickering when I walk by
Stop shaking your head like you are disgraced
I'm not you so SHUT your freaking mouth.

Deal with your pain how you please
and I'll deal with mine
Treat me the way you want to be treated,
and stop treating me like I'm pathetic.

I went to get help I want to get better
If you want to suffer that's your own decision
Don't disrespect me for making my own
Oh and don't be shocked when You get a taste
of your own cruel medicine.

What is the point of this
hollow bleak existence?
Wandering around like a lifeless zombie
shuffling from one place to another.

Is there logic in our pain?
the blinding soul destroying pain
it demands to be felt doesn't it?
but why by us?

Is there a reason for our survival?
when we are all died no one will remember us?
We are like the dinosaurs wandering this earth
waiting for our meteor to strike us dead,
to crush us into oblivion.

With these cuffs
I chain the beast,
only loosen
with sparks
of Humanity seen.