There are no words
to describe what You were
what there wasn't
what You had
For words were Your first creation
sounds into a void at once brought into being
thoughts of neverending force
shot forth
in the absence of gravity
never to be taken back

I pleasure not
in memory of your kisses
Like sculptures in the sand
a child sure will stay
until bubbly waves wash away
the glorious towers
of yesterday
I like how the beach returns
Smooth again and calm

You can do Anything
Dream Big
Go for the gold
Dance in the Rain
Who told me these things?
Not you

Good grades were all you seemed to expect and a clean room
and a modest closet
a quiet spirit
Did you never envision greatness for your children?

Wet feet,
Passing acorn caps,
And small leaves,
Black underneath,
Pitterpats on my umbrella,
There's a whush in the air around me

Two toes grip the sharp rock,
Two eyes stare over its edge,
At the vast stretch beneath me,
Filled with adventures,
Waiting.
The sun is at my back,
But perception changes with time,
The time to jump is now!

I don't know when it began
Birth, likely
or maybe womanhood,
when that certain sort of eye to eye
that admiring connection
always fired failed affection
failed
for I have only two kinds
of deep friendship direction
and your slipping out of either one

Words don’t come to me just when I want them,
But I want them when they come,
My brain feelers have strained, and whined, and searched,
But coveted verses won’t be found,
Stanzas can be spun in an effortless way, but fitting words come unannounced,
What for patience? What for hard work?
I haven’t found these useful in this art.
Time and art make art.

I at birth,
was like a lump of ambiguous carbon,
inside there lay a code,
for building a beautiful person,
but that was just the plans,
they didn’t have to be followed,
pick and choose,
add your poison,
A thoughtless word,
here and there,
will change countless Directions,
But,
Diamonds,
began to appear,
for what is Life,
on earth,
or really,
Time?
Pressure,
added to Love,
quickly equals beauty,
and those rules they didn’t obey,
the mistakes you made,
even They,
are used,
to add more pressure,
and uncover Love,
though the pain here,
Must be increased,
my Melody,
clarifies in Hardship,
and my hands fill,
with the sparkling Glory

Ah, all these foolish feelings
yet I love myself for all my silliness
at least I have that

Lately I’ve been feeling overconfident,
Of something never promised me,
Devoting too much time,
To visions of constructed reality,
I largely want to forget, and leave it for a time,
And maybe I am, I feel good with a man,
But something is never far from mind,
And I’m afraid of what might happen,
It’s silly to hold on for so long to what will never be mine

My heart lifts
to hear your voice
and hear your laugh
Only to long to see your smile
and the flashes of your lovely teeth
within reach of my fingertips
Fingertips that cannot touch you
for 150 days
Finally the rising tears spilled over

For a moment you flew for me,
And my eyes reflected your light,
For one glistening, glorified moment,
I couldn’t have loved you more,
There you danced, with your words on display
I cried, My Hero! but now in dismay
Fallen you are, and fallen you were,
Why did you hurt me this way?
I can’t say there weren’t warnings,
I won’t say I was sure,
But I adored you,
And staked much on your words.
Your Poetry soothed me,
Took me to great Height!
Does it now lie with you in the dust?
No, perhaps not.
For truth is Truth, and art,
Art.
My heart cries for a true Daniel!
A Poet of Integrity!
My heart will rest in David, King
David.
My first inspiration, my first Poet Hero!
May my heart seek like Yours, and Never Stop!
Never!

Oh!
Oh, oh, oh!
But my heart Bleeds!
For the soul of a man I loved,
And his Godly diamonds.
I will never look on them in the same way,
What is their meaning now?

Psalm 119:136
“Streams of tears flow from my eyes,
    for your law is not obeyed.”

I awoke
from hungry dreams
my soul hardly rested
weary from a fight
I carelessly gave my cells
in a vain bid to feed them
I forced my tongue to swallow poison
the taste had dulled to acid gray
My hands would not throw the dish away
so I sacrificed what I could not afford
releasing scarlet gold
from crying holes
I awoke
from hungry dreams
to another day of wretchedness

You take my heart with you
on your journey south of 2,000 miles
It throbs a little less
knowing
you left yours inside my chest

Don’t blame the darling
for trying to seem so familiar
She only wants to be your home
Reflecting all your friends
So when you’re with her you never feel alone
There’s nothing left to miss
if every kiss contains a taste
of everything you ever loved

you smell the detergent your mother used
on all her clothes
she mouths the words to every song you play
In the stones of her mind she’s carved every compliment you ever gave her
But also . . . the criticism
and when the stones begin to crush her
She will hate everything she’s done

I study then forget, I hear and then
Am lost in sounds of beating drums,
Hearing only lies of my desolation,
I no longer ponder on your Comfort,
Or exquisite providence,
Slip on ice of loneliness, and my mouth begins to drip,
My own blood, slow and drying.
Hardening words and dulling eyes,
Replace the golden energy of Love,
And the brightness of sweetness’ line.
Waning arms, once strong in your power,
Only wreck more havoc in my body,
Crying foul at every cell, and accepting depression,
In the cradle of my mind.
I walk in gray forests ,
Rocking pain in my arms,
Believing you want me to feel this,
Alone,
When this is not what You Want,
But to carry me through, holding me next to your heart,
Rocking me as my feelings echo your own, and your tears mirror mine,
For sorrow is not alien to You, but pierces your soul,
It does not take the toll, of years and bruises,
To make misshapen bodies, but rolls against me like a rock,
And polishes to a godly shine, as you stroke me with your fingers.
I will always be a favored child, called to rest upon your lap,
Regardless of what chased me there, or what tears at my skin,
Calling out the trouble of life.
For a Tower does not turn away, a refugee of certain plights,
But welcomes all who run.

Lately I've been thinking of
dipping myself in paint and throwing myself on a canvas
Every epithelial particle leaving its own mark
But I cannot place my every cell in colors
for most lie underneath my skin and in the dark

Lately I've been thinking of writing out all the words I know
the ones better than "thing"
shocking sentiment in shaking sentences
But I cannot write forever to encompass my whole being

No splash of colors can express me . . .
No never ending line of diction could . . .
Make Me Known

Was there ever an instant in time
When I wasn't in your mind?
Every piece of DNA and RNA
In full breath and 3D meaning
Along with every word I speak?
Did you think of me
at the parting of the Red Sea?
When everyone thinks You would have been preoccupied
Am I in Your every moment
My blue and purple hues stretching further than a canvas of the sky?
if there are moments for You
El Roi!
The God Who Sees Me
I am ever in Your sights
You smile with each sigh

Your words can’t hurt me,
Your words don’t pierce,
An already calloused soul,
Your words are understood,
Their negativity was noted,
But they couldn’t put another bruise on a heart that is raw,
For my own thoughts now,
Do more damage  than yours ever did,
Push, pull, crack,
Another piece floats by,
As I speak this lie,
Again,
I ripped off my nerve receptors,
And though my limbs may still take a beating,
I swear I’m numb to your work,
But their content is quiet fuel for my fire,
And hatred is strong in this one,
Turned towards self,
Not strength, not better than outward hate,  
Nothing short of perfect love can save me now,
Only deepest thoughts about me can erase my list of error,
Can, inside my rotten soulkeeper,
Place a rainbow of affection,
And bring happiness to an ever worried soul.

I searched my starlit void
looking for the tears
running my hands down bright spines
combing glittery trails for clues
I had to find the thieves
who ****** on purple plumes
and dimmed each golden orb
Once roaring flames of fire
the dimness become dire

the Sorcerer was hid behind spiked shadows
claws and teeth
of monsters beneath
cast clouds down on my brow
and I longed for His brightness to show
to drink down a burning glow
impenetrable lightness

Oh, Papa
renew the Nazirite, your son
He weeps
when on Your chest is one
who is his identity
Drip grace into his thirsting mouth
and turn his heart to the river of joy
that You buried in himself
Remind his searching mind
that gifts and callings are not removed
Nor good plans destroyed
For nothing keeps You
from looking out in love
or working out Your wonders

You danced upon the mountains
Before the dawn came prancing

You sang to the wind its song

You looked the sun in the face
and she turned away, abashed

To live
is so often to bleed
and I bleed deeply
my tongue stabs my bowels
following a broken mind
that my pills won't silence
I could ask for more
or take the hard,  effective route
and digest my brain
But I blind myself,
calling out a hollow question
consuming the ashes
while denying apathy
To live
is so often to lie,
and I lie deeply

Mama didn't wear make-up often
but she knew how to put on a good mask
All I saw were the tears that leaked out from underneath

I stand in the doorway,
And watch the world.
Why do the people eat one another?
Lighting themselves,
the earth is consumed
In a flaming passion,
Starved to bare bones,
The cry goes out
Endless feasting!
And to the strongest will go the youngest,
For it is the youngest,
Whose blood is purest,
As yet,
There are many still around,
Who have the taste
Of naturality,
The flowery aroma,
And smooth skin
Of the gods,
The blush of love,
Upon their cheeks.
But,
How long will that last?
How many have drought,
Too deeply,
Of their own poison veins,
****** upon too long,
By their spidery companions,
That all the children,
Are born as aged ones?
I laugh in jaded confusion,
All this,
Because you never learned,
The Balance,
Of Yes
And,
No
Or where to find ambrosia.

And so
the human heart and the cheap steak
are both made tender
one blow at a time

streaks of roman purple
finish the painting
the symbol of life
the constant pain of humanity
the fight for existence
the acceptance of ourselves
cuts on a hand
show that the person isn't hiding
not completely
not pretending to be invincible

It is difficult to see,
All the gems you place in my palm,
For the blood that covers their shining edges,
The perfect ones,
Cut so deep,
Searching,
For the ***** of clay they must replace,

I wasn't sure
to take it as a sign
or quiet gift in Spring
But the rose had fully bloomed
Open orange petals with a hint of blush
This Easter morning
alone upon its bush

When I was very young
and you were very, very young
We both fresh
overwhelmed
staring at our guardian stars
with a growing envy of life

When I was young
and you were very, very young
my face just turning to look inside me
yours
on the fights up above
our souls aghast at the clashes of brilliance

When I was very young
and you were very, very young
we played in the midnight sand
my skin warmed by a morning tan
your mind just beginning to dawn

When I was young
and you were very, very young
I took your hand to lead you along
down a road I too was led upon

Tell me,
have you ever
fallen in love with someone
only to find you fell in love with yourself?

My life crumbles from without,
So many things I knew, now shadows gray to me,
So many things once strong and good, deadly poison now to be,
Mortar as sand, and not a brick to see.
I was planted strong, with the roots of righteous tree,
But my branches have grown sick, and birds do weep around my knees.
I must remain strong, in my furthest core,
For within me flows living water, healing evermore,
My walls did crumble, my house did shake,
But my Foundation is as firm as ever, for my own life I did not make,
And no efforts from an evil, could my life, from Him take.  
No matter how bad the quake.

Stark walls
pressed between the melting wax of stained glass
My eyes adjust to a new focus
even as I fight to see more clearly
in this muddy rubble
What rises up?
Beautiful buried things
Awake at last

Come Forth
And dance upon the dead

I used to want a man to lead me
But now I know I won’t allow
my feet to be forced to go
a way I wasn’t walking
I used to want a man to teach me
But now I know I won’t allow
my mind to be forced into
a different, “better” mold
I used to want a man to keep me
But now I know I won’t allow
someone to protect me
when I know how to protect myself
I used to think a man would define me
But now I know I won’t allow
myself to be anything but me

At this point I’ve given up on letting most people most of the time know when I’m in physical pain
I guess it’s kind of maturity
It doesn’t matter that I hurt more than most people most of the time
My great pains are just as guaranteed to leave as their little ones
We’ll both still be walking tomorrow

I tell my children
“Do it”
They say
“I can’t”
I say
“You can”
They say
“I don’t know how”
I say
“Yes, you do”
They start to cry
I say “Just try, and I’ll help you if you can’t”
Most times they do it by themselves
Just do it, just try, and it might be so much easier than you thought

I laugh at those who are frightened or disgusted
as harmless snakes do slither past
But I have fears of a different kind of serpent
So few in the world suffer snake bites,
even less have injuries that last,
And I count myself in the number markless
But still I shuddered as curved shadows cast,
a spell of paralyzing fear,
As harmless humans did walk past

it's words I feared the most
though perhaps I'd rather face beration
than the teeth of hungry dogs
When dogs bark, I calmly bark them back
But with humans I'd sooner run away

I'm learning to not fear
as confidence builds
And I see my power crystal clear

Green I am not,
Nor red,
More a peachy pink,
Or a delicate blue,
In my feelings for you.
My eyes are not large,
When they look upon your lover,
Tho my heart turns over,
I am quick to smile,
You are happy.

If you’re only here to unwind the anxious chains around my heart
If you’re only here to teach me that God is kind
If you’re only here to grace me in self-appreciation
even if that’s all you do
then come
I need you at my side

Search me out, look for me sweetly,
My heart is not hard to find, I’ll gladly give you hints,
If only you take the first steps toward me,
No matter how much I like you, I won’t stay here
If you don’t try, solve my mystery,
Draw me out, and see my colors,
Or you’ll never see my beauty.

the strongest hands
have slipped into the place
the grooves and curves
I didn't know was meant for you

this is love
to find my hands are strong
to slip them into place
the grooves and curves
You didn't know was meant for me

to carry
to be held

wondrous conundrum
perplexing sublimation
that as I build the fires in other's hearts
my own brightness grows
to unclothe for the naked
is to find ever increasing layers on my skin
Giving out gold
only to find my glinting hands fuller
Placing rubies in my sister's crown
and finding my own circlet more heavy

I hold a ripped and scattered rose
but new ones bloom inside my palms

It’s a fine line,
A tricky place
She said,
Walking with a clock in hand,
A sword in your mouth,
A trees flower branches sprouting from your head,
You can’t put anything down,
But if your arms get tired,
I’ll hold them up

You carried us separately
until these paths converged
You hold us now
Together
we learn to share
our space within Your arms
and press deeper down upon Your heart
Encircled in this firm embrace
which seals our fate
In Love

I didn’t come from a broken home,
But I was born with a broken heart,
I didn’t suffer all alone,
But I had a heartbeat that wouldn’t start,
My body wasn’t ever abused,
But I came with a heart already bruised,
And I can’t hardly accept your love,
No, I can’t accept your love,
The Love of Man, perfect,
The love of a Man, stronger than anything,
The Love of a Man, perfect,
I didn’t say no to a forgiven life,
But I never forgot my stains,
I didn’t succumb to the cutter’s knife,
But still I suffered heart pains,
My body was never considered a waste
But still I felt without beauty; disgraced
And I can’t accept your love,
No, I can’t accept your love
The Love of Man, perfect,
The love of a Man, stronger than anything,
The Love of a Man, perfect,
Oh, How I long for this love,
Oh, How I cried out for this Love,
Oh, How amazing this love feels,
And I want to give back to you more,
Love