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 Aug 2013 Erin-Taylor
Jay
Everyone thinks I'm sad

but I'd consider myself happy

I've been in my room all day feeling kind of numb

I'm just lazy, I don't wanna get out of bed because I'm watching a good show

I haven't felt a real feeling since the start of the summer

I'm happy with you

I don't know the meaning of different moods, nothing hurts and nothing feels good

A blade? NEVER.

Maybe

Life is too good to be sad, cheer up

Explain to me why pain feels so good, explain to me why I cannot love someone, I'm purposely hurting everyone around me and I see it but its addicting and I can't stop

I'll be fine

Please, Help me.
 Aug 2013 Erin-Taylor
Jay
Fat
 Aug 2013 Erin-Taylor
Jay
Fat
When I was in sixth or sevent grade, I'm not sure which
My health teacher gave the class some health tips
At one point he told all of us kids to look in the mirror
"Jump up and down" the next part was pretty clear
"Anything that jiggles, get rid of it, it's unwanted fat"
I mean he was my health teacher of course I believed that.
So lets do it, I'll take a look at my reflection
Jump 1, Jump 2, we're aiming for perfection
Tell me Mr. Health Teacher, does it bother you that my thighs touch
Maybe that's a sign I might be eating too much
Does it hurt you that my stomach flops around
Just hangin out there, like friends going to town
It must cause you physical pain that my arms jiggle
And I have love handles around my middle
It must really burn your ******* eyes
That you can't see between my thighs
It must **** with your heart
That when I walk it moves my lady parts
Like my ***** and my ****
BUT IT'S ******* NORMAL, so what.
I'm sorry that you don't seem to understand
That I'll eat what I want because in America I can
I'm not sorry on my behalf
I'm just sorry you must have been raised on crack
If you think you can tell me I'm overweight
Because I had an extra piece of cake at lunch today
Which is a bit over serving size
But who even invented that **** and why do they get to decide
I am not your clay model, that you can mold
What I choose to put into my body is something you cannot control
And for you to put in a child's mind that she needs to "drop a few pounds"
Is something I won't allow
Women at a young age are taught to adjust based on the ideas of a man
Excuse me Society I have a different plan
Where I love myself regardless of how "skinny" I need to be
If I excersize I will do it for ME
If I eat carrots instead of carrot cake
It will be a choice that I decided to make
Unless I'm on the verge of diabetes or a heart attack
You have no right to sit there and call me fat
Because naturally parts of me will move when I do
Even if they move a little more than you
And if I were you, I would start typing up a new curriculum
Because the one you have now is making kids dumb

That's All.
According to the hospital I'm not at all overweight. I'm 5'5 and I weigh 150 lbs which is average. In middle school I went through some depression issues and I felt disgusting, this is just ONE incident that added to it.. Why on earth would you insult a child like that?
We are stuck here
We are lost here
Wandering
Here
In this
Sick state of mind
Delusional
Just in time
For more lies
Forcing us
To stay alive
As the monsters
Creep inside
I delivered
19
chocolate-chocolate chip cookies
to your house the other day after midnight
because it was you nineteenth birthday and you hate that day
above all other's
so I decided to celebrate
by making you junk food even though you're on a diet
and just came from a late night workout
and you'll ask me why
I care about something so much that's not even that special
and I'll tell you it's simply because
"It's your birthday!"
or
"Why wouldn't I?"
but really
truth is

You're going away and I haven't decided how I'm going to deal with that yet.
You're going away and I haven't been able to write.
You're going away and this may be the last
time
I'll see you on your birthday.

So take the **** cookies and say thank you,
because I baked them while I was crying over missing you
and tried my hardest not to let the tears fall in the batter.
No one should have to taste sadness like that.

Don't be mad at me because you're bitter about your birthday
and you can't stand it when people show that they care about you,
because you don't know how hard this is for me.

I bet you never even thought how hard
it will be for me
and that's why I baked the cookies.
That's why I'm so upset and that's why I'm begging you
to come outside and just kiss me on your birthday
because I've been counting how many kisses I have left
before you're too far away to feel me.
Just give me all you've got while we still have the chance.

This is going to be hard enough when you're gone
so don't make it so hard now.
Just kiss me and eat the cookies.

Oh,
and happy birthday.
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