Hidden from true sight
The mask shields my feelings
it hides me from the light

i fear the truth underneath is to
hideous to be seen
the mask protects me from intrusion
it holds the wicked thoughts and the absolute unclean
underneath the mask i'm writhing with shame

my true identity has become lost
as i've become unfamiliar, unfriendly
even with my own name
protecting or hiding the years have
blurred the intent

i'm lost and confused all the time
the mask has taken away everything that it meant
i search for someone who would know my pain

i remove the mask for a moment
and i would feel as i found someone,
bu the flood of unclean would make
me loose that again and again

The mask returns to hold back what is deep with in
please dont look to  hard
i couldn't find anymore who understood
any place to go, much to my chagrin
this is what's here, what is and you what is not
my mask is my shield
it may not be the right way to be
protected but its the only thing i've got

I don't want to watch you grow old --
bones frail,
busted lip,
pale nose
another crypt to fill
with your body;
yours.

I don't want to watch you grow old --
legs crumbling,
youth running astray,
me waiting
for that day...

I don't want to watch you grow old --
Let me go first!
I beg,
I toss and turn..
And now,
I am at a loss
for words.

We got close.
I liked you.

I told you my story.
I liked you more.

You told me your story.
I loved you.

You got a girlfriend.
You loved her.

I became more depressed.
I smiled for you.

You made me promise.
I promised.

You're just another person I will promise to get better for.
But that really just means that I'll hide it better next time.

I never saw a wild thing
sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself.

Stab the needle into my chest
Make me numb
Rip out my heart
It doesn't beat anymore
I'm sorry mother for everything
I'm sorry lover for anything
I'm sorry brother, sister
I'm sorry father
Please just cut out my lungs and set me free
Close your eyes and disassemble me
I pretend I'm winning this war for you
But I lied
It's been lies this whole time
I'm not okay
I'm not fine
This is the truth
I'M NOT ******* FINE
I'M NOT ******* FINE
CAN YOU HEAR ME?
RIP OUT MY HEART!
SNAP MY NECK!
CUT MY LUNGS!
STOP MY BREATH!
Disassemble me

i began to accept
that life was different now
and that i would never
taste your lips again
and that someone else
would feel the flush of your cheek
and the warmth of your smile.
and yet
as soon as i threatened life
with my weak strength
and my forced contentment,
as soon as i pushed forward
through the looking glass
into a life i never imagined
here i fell
right where i wanted to be,
all along.
this was a long-winded journey
to the same spot
i was at
several times before
and yet
i cannot say that
i am sorry things
turned out this way
because it is hard to imagine
your lips tasting as sweet
if i had just taken
the empty, concrete path
that we had been on
before