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Fragile like soft rotted wood
Recept still not understood
Almost a quarter of a hundred on
More setting fires more feral and blind than ever, I'm endlessly taking the endless life
Ever vibrating through me
Some say it's cynicism build-up pressuring away young naive eyes, I maybe take the knife
Because I dream pain relief
Remembering what's good that's come before

Epsom salts for weary ghosts
Allow me to play the host
Kneading energy into carrion
Believing the love I have to spend is best spent on what is gone that I can't quantify
Umbra inside reaping me
To ends my means can no longer afford all day long living under night, I maybe hate the light
Comfort to others while weak
Offering peace till the slamming of doors and I slammed my door

Maybe I'm hopeless, Maybe I've locked it out
Every ounce of me preaching so devout
All of these lies sung from my poison mouth?
Garnishing with flourished words
All moments of nurtured hurt
I'm taming darkness to commiserate with peers about the loss of gain I could commemorate

No longer I'll tame what no longer remains
What ever the pain rusts I've divined I'll
Trust the lifting energy like it's evolving me into my god

For now
 Nov 2013 Erin-Taylor
Amanda
Her words were thrown in the air.

I stood there.

I walked home.

I unlocked the door.

I stripped off my damp coat, unstrung my scarf.

I collapse and sit on the cold, cold wood floors.

As I do so, that’s when my metaphorical heart splinters into the tiniest of pieces.

Anatomically real hearts don’t break, they cannot realistically do so.

Which is precisely why this is so god-**** hard for it to heal back.

As you are fighting against a beautifully lucid and meticulously choreographed illusion.
I wonder about the boy on the park bench
He sit's on the left- I on the right,
We sit in silence waiting for our rides to arrive.
I worry that he won't be there one morning
I've developed an attachment to him.
I've noticed his scrapes and scars
and I think he's noticed mine.
It was Sunday morning,
we sat together,
no buses to take or
time to keep
But closer than usual
Our breath clouds the freezing air around us
We sip alcohol from our coffee mugs
Our lips locked, bodies steamed.
I think I am in love with
The boy on the park bench.
A shadow with darkened eyes.
She's fine. She says she is just fine.
Her lips say everything is right.
Even her eyes have learned to lie.
But the sunlight strikes the lenses,
And just once she lets me see, just once,
The hazel wound behind her veil.
She begs for me to understand,
But fights so hard to blind me.
Just for a little while I see
The quiet acceptance of a dying world,
A growing, inexpressed hatred of mankind.
A terror of inadequacy, never being enough.
A silent resignation of just how much less she is.
Resent for the blame, the debt of an unknown people,
A plea to just forget the shame of her own sullied hands.
She's dying for someone to know,
To have no more to hide,
To abandon logic and composure
And forget what is expected, which she cannot fulfill.
Who says that she is now free?
Who can claim she was ever bound?
But reason makes her stop,
And pretend the world's alive.
To hide her weakness deeper
In order to survive.
To illuse the populace to thinking she rose above.
She steps out of the sunlight.
The glimpse is gone,
Her insecurity erased.
Once again, a paradigm of confidence and self-worth.
The mask is on, the shroud let down.
No one could ever doubt her.
No one will see the child with hazel eyes.
If you asked her, she'd deny it.
Just a child with hazel eyes.
Even in confession, she finds a way to hide.

I have left the mirror.
 Nov 2013 Erin-Taylor
M M M
You tell me I'm lovely
You tell me I'm thin
You tell me to come over
But you never say when

You tell me I'm different
You tell me I'm pretty
You tell me to get dressed up
You want to take me to the city

You tell me I'm quiet
You tell me too much
But you never did tell me
You were feeling out of touch

You told me to go
You told me to stay
You couldn't make up your mind
So I decided to leave anyway

You told me you were sorry
You told me you were dumb
You told me that you over think sometimes
And that it isn't any fun

I told you I would be here
I told you I would stay
But don't think that you're my lover
We couldn't last a day

Now you're broke and sorry
Wishing it was better
But "sometimes things happen that way"
I wrote you in a letter

I miss you everyday
I miss you all the time
If only you had known our love
Was always first in mind

I think about you
and I think about me
and I think that we both think too much
And I know that you'd agree

You told me you were happy now
You told me you were having fun
You told me to come visit soon
I could even meet your son

I was ****** and I was tired
I was sad and I was cold
This life just flew by us both
Too fast to grab hold

I am happy too you know,
I never needed you
To tell me that you needed me
I'm a shadow, I'm anew

You won't find me around here
Don't even come and look
"I'm long gone away somewhere"
I wrote you in a book

Now I only see ocean
I can't remember land
For time has passed and I am just a soul
Holding life in my hand
I remember you
from your beautiful smile
your cinnamon scented hair
your contagious laughter
your nail-biting addiction
your pointless insecurities
to our silly inside jokes
our dumb little fights
our peculiar bets
our goofy text messages

through tears and smiles
you were the only one who understood
my unspoken words
my concealed pain
my unexpressed happiness
my puzzled feelings

counting your days
we recalled our mischievous memories
when we danced in the rain
when we rang doorbells and ran away
when we pranked the gullible ones
when we stole Ikea pencils
when we fangirled over stunning guys
when we were together
everything turn into excitements
moments with you
I remember them all, Grace

it was a week before December twenty-fifth
when the monstrous cells stopped your heart
a glimpse of smile
appeared upon your face
as you're being taken
far away from us
skin turned pale
body stiffened
tears flooded my sight
there were wailing across the room

time flies like a bullet train without you
it's a rainy day today
you've always loved rainy days
sinking my knees in the dew-wet grass
raindrops whisper in my ears
as I brush off the gray snow from your stone
I still remember you, Grace
I still do
 Nov 2013 Erin-Taylor
Shannon
Numb.
 Nov 2013 Erin-Taylor
Shannon
Numb
That is all i can feel.
Numb
Nothing seems real.
Numb
I can't pretend that it's fine
You've worn me to the ground.
Every feeling i once felt
is not pounded.
So my heart is left bare
No feelings live there.
I feel the beat of once happy blood
flow through my veins.
It's blue. oxygen is dried.
Used by all the painful tears i have cried.
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